Written by Bureau

Wednesday, 5 August 2009

image for Tiger Woods Farts On Purpose, According To Runner-Up!
The Tiger Often Roars

Ronald Thatcher, who was tied for first place during the last eighteen holes of the Buick Open, says that there's almost no way you can beat Tiger Woods anymore.

"Tiger is very talented, probably one of the best of all time but he uses some unsportsmanlike conduct while on the course, especially when he is tied for the lead or in a playoff", stated Thatcher Monday.

"You can be just ready to hit the ball from the tee and he'll fart really loud. Of course, he'll say 'pardon' but after ten years, everyone knows about it but few speak of it. Then there are the times when he doesn't fart but you are ANTICIPATING a fart, and it messes with your drive."

When told, Tiger defended himself saying he only usually farts a couple of times a game. That he has a "funny" stomach and he simply can't hold it in or he'd hurt himself.

"We all do it from time to time", confessed Tiger. "I guess the bigger the game or the closeness of the score sets my stomach to acting up."

One pro on the circuit told this reporter that Tiger's farts were usually well timed but at least you can breathe. "You want farts, go with John Daly. He was in our foursome one day and all hung over, shooting about ten over par, and right there on national TV he shit his pants."

"Of course, CBS cut away right after John cut the wet one and the next thing you know, 'John Daly, we are told, has injured himself on the 12th hole and has gone back to the clubhouse. We'll have to wait a few more minutes while the ground keepers rake the catbox...sand hazard."

Thatcher says that the next time he's paired up with Tiger or Daly he's coming in "loaded for bear or should I say Tiger?" and advises the TV people to keep the mike back a little further.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Tiger Woods

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