Written by Olaf T. Samson

Tuesday, 2 June 2009

image for "Big Papi" Missing
Ortiz at age 19

Boston, Massachussetts: Boston Red Sox slugger David "Big Papi" Ortiz was declared missing yesterday at exactly 3:15 P.M. He was last seen after the Red Sox postponed game versus the Oakland Athletics in Boston.

Local police think he was captured by 3 men in black suits driving a silver H3 Hummer. If you know any information about this topic, please call the Boston Police Department or the "Bringing Back Captives" hotline.

Most of the team had comments on the pitiful loss.

"I honestly have no clue what we will do without him," said Red Sox manager Terry Francona. "It is certainly a pity! Whoever has him captive please release him now!"

"He was loved by everyone....the fans, the media, and most importantly, us," remarks second baseman Dustin Pedroia.

Others like J.D. Drew, Josh Beckett, and Mike Lowell were unavailable for comment.

Again, if you know any information about this topic, please call the Boston Police Department or the "Bringing Back Captives" hotline. They would be more than greatful to take in your information.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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