United Football League to Begin in October

Funny story written by Jalapenoman

Thursday, 12 March 2009

image for United Football League to Begin in October
It could get a little rough out there

After the NFL/AFL merger in the 1960's, viewers and fans have seen the WFL, the USFL, the World League, NFL Europe, the Arena League, and other professional football ventures come and go. The newest will start play in October with only four teams in a six game season and will end their season Thanksgiving weekend.

The United Football League (U.F.L.) will have four former successful NFL coaches at the heads of their teams. They hope to sign players who were cut by their former teams due to salary cap reasons or because they just missed qualifying.

One former player who is excited about this is Michael Vick, who will soon be released from prison on charges of animal creulty and fighting. "I wanna start in this new league and be the Quarterback of the Virginia Junkyard Dawgs."

While many of the rules of the new league will be similar to that of the NFL and NCAA, some things will change. For example, when a team scores, the opposing teams cheerleaders will be required to remove an article of clothing. Said league spokesman Chris Cappock, "we see this promoting high scoring games and giving our fans another thing to watch."

"The new league will also do away with most penalties and make the game "no holds barred." We want teams to want to score. The team that does more to show initiative should be rewarded. The NFL is getting too girly in thier roughing the kicker and passer penalties. Let them play!"

"There will also be no such thing as injury time outs. If a player cannot get off of the field under his own power, then his team is down a man and he becomes an obstacle. They can remove him at the quarter break if they need to."

Cappock did say that there is no truth to the rumor that players will be permitted to sharpen the spikes on their cleats. "No, they won't do that. We'll have someone on the team with a bench grinder that can do that for them."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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