UNIVERSITY PARK, California - The University of Somewhere in California Student Body Select Committee has voted to change the college mascot name from 'Trojans.'
SCSBSC President Wesley Tuttle told a reporter for MTV, "We, the students of Southern Cal have just grown extremely tired of hearing all of the condom references and prophylactic jokes. It has really gotten out of hand, no pun intended."
Tuttle grinned and went on, "Just this past weekend I was visiting my 91-year-old grandmother in Santa Monica and she asked me, 'Hey grandson, what do you call a horse carrying a load of condoms?' I looked at her and said, 'Duh, grandma...you call it a trojan horse.
She looked at me with a puzzled look on her face and she said, 'No grandson...you call it a condom horse.'"
Tuttle stated that taking a vote on changing a mascot name is not unprecedented in the collegiate world. He said that a year ago the entire student body at Oregon State University voted to change the team name 'Beavers.'
It was a hotly debated issue pitting sisters against brothers, girlfriends against boyfriends, wives against husbands, bitches against SOB's (and 74 other combinations).
A vote was finally taken and when all the votes were counted the outcome came out 9,876 against changing the name and 9,875 for changing the name. So the 'Beaver' named remained.
And for quite sometime afterwards, the 9,875 female students who voted to change the name were pretty much all fit to be tied. And in fact three of them, Janis Quinsinger, Nikki Fallatori, and LaShonda Fernandez were actually tied up by OSU Chief of Campus Police Rasheem Schwartz and two of his officers for not dispersing in an orderly manner.
A week after the vote, a group of OSU female students, who were still upset at the vote's outcome banded together and formed a new organization protesting the school's mascot name. The group named themselves, 'The Real OSU Beavers Against The College Name OSU Beavers.'
As of this writing that group has managed to sign up 9,873 of the 9,875 total female students. The only two OSU female students who have not signed up to join the organization are Meredith Sturgis and Trisha Tiffhaus. And the reasons are because Meredith is on a month-long cruise to Botswana and Trisha is having sexual reassignment surgery.
In the meantime the group has stated that if the name 'Beavers' is not changed then they want to change the college's motto from 'Open Minds, Open Doors.' to the more appropriate 'Open Legs, See Beavers.'
In a related story, Pamela Anderson told Larry King that she is currently working on her autobiography entitled, 'Excuse Me, Am I Wearing Shoes?, I Can't Tell From Here.'
