Written by The Armchair Fan

Sunday, 17 August 2008

The national tourist office is reported to be furious after it emerged yesterday that visitors to the UK may have been subjected to Hull. Geovanni, a Brazilian, and Bernard Mendy, a Frenchman, have both been spotted on Humberside with reports even suggesting that they had had the misfortune to speak with some locals.

"It is a disgrace," said one source at the tourist office. "We have some of the finest historical places in the world- the home of Shakespeare, Buckingham Palace, two of the greatest universities worldwide, Trafalgar Square and so much more. The last thing we want happening is Johnny foreigner seeing Hull; that's not the impression we want to create at all. What if he goes home and tells his friends? The country makes millions out of tourism each year, and you can bet your boots that will stop if places like this aren't discreetly cordoned off from public view."

It is thought the two gentlemen in question were attempting to fly further north, but, probably due to poor weather conditions and the back-log from the Terminal 5 debacle, ended up marooned in Hull. Once there, security was not quick enough to prevent them conversing with natives, with long-term effects which will probably be too appalling to fathom.

"We spent years after the rioting at World Cup 2004 trying to change the foreign perception of the English; trying to change it away from beer-swilling tattooed foul-mouthed yobs," said our source, "and then we start introducing tourists to Dean Windass. Ridiculous."

It is not yet known how long the men will be staying, but bearing in mind they have been there for at least 2 hours already, experts predict that they have probably grown immune to Hull, and by a miracle may just survive.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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