Written by Jalapenoman

Friday, 15 August 2008

image for Gold Medal Chinese Women's Gymnastics Team Disqualified Due To Age
Controversy, as usual, at the Olympics

The Chinese Women's Gymnastics Team took the Olympic Gold Medal in the team competition, but has been disqualified due to the falsification of the ages of some of the team members. News sources had reported several days ago that at least three members of the team had falsified paperwork to appear to be older.

Athletes must turn 16 within the Olympic year to be eligible for the sport. Two gymnasts were found to be thirteen, while another is fourteen. The other three members of the team are still being investigated.

Officials begin to be suspicious when the girls pulled out their teddy bears during a competitive break and begin holding a tea party. They were also curious when one girl had to ask for instructions on hooking her bra and another ask for help wiping herself after using the bathroom (her phrase, loosely translated, was "making poopies"). Another strange moment came when one team reported that, in the locker room, the Chinese gymnasts all had cartoon characters on their panties. Further suspicions were aroused when the athletes asked the American team if "the Jonas Brothers" had cooties.

The final straw, however, was when one of the gymnasts lost two baby teeth and asked if the tooth fairy could still find her in the Olympic Village.

Upon making the announcement, all officials from the International Olympic Committee suddenly disappeared (Chinese officials refuse to comment). If they are not seen soon, no one will be able to take the medals from the girls and present them to the Americans (who won the team silver).

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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