Written by Pointer

Monday, 25 February 2008

image for Ryder Relieves Himself In Bar Toilet!
Kong suffered similiar flap injury in Empire State games

Celebratory Ryder relieves himself of Test place after freak injury in a bar toilet

The New Zealand opener Jesse Ryder could be out for three months after badly injuring his hand in a late-night incident in a Christchurch bar, following celebrations of a series-clinching win. Ryder, who played some astounding one-day cricket against England, scoring 196 runs at virtually a run a ball, had been expected to make his Test debut in the series which begins in Hamilton on March 5. He will miss the series and almost certainly the one that follows in England in May.

The injury occurred as Ryder tried to gain entry to a locked toilet in the Stock Exchange bar. In breaking a window, he so injured his right hand that he required surgery yesterday to reconstruct the exterior tendon on his index finger, in addition to a flap reconstruction and a skin graft. Flap reconstructions area type of anal plastic surgery.

Lindsay Crocker, New Zealand's general manager, said New Zealand Cricket and the team were disappointed by Ryder's behaviour and viewed the incident seriously."We recognise the pressure Jesse has been under through his success in the England series and he has suddenly become a high-profile international player, " Crocker said."However, this behaviour is unacceptable and we will have a serious discussion with him to ensure situations like this do not occur in the future.

"He had shown increasing maturity during the England series and we had been happy with his behaviour up to this point. However, in light of this event, we shall ensure additional support is provided to him. We have team behavioural protocols which are monitored by the group as a whole and this system has served us well for the past four years. He will pay for the damage and apologise to the bar owner. No further disciplinary action will be taken as the injuries should serve as enough of a lesson on this occasion."

England's injuries seem routine by comparison. Steve Harmison has had a stiff back and Chris Tremlett, who was due to fly home but has been retained as cover, suffered a side strain bowling in the nets. Neither injury is considered serious.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Topics: Toilet, Injury

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
53 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more