The Craggy Island United star player, Father David Feckham, has been secretly "confessionalling away" for years, a recent news leak has revealed. Instead of keeping to his strict confessional list on the windswept Craggy Island parish, the feckless Feckham has allegedly been reported doing "away" confessionals at parishes in Spain.
Father Feckham's world-renowned footballing skills clearly impressed one Spanish nun, Sister Rebecca Looselala. "I have never seen pre-confessional dribbling like Father David's and when he showed me his magnificent tackle I just had to confess he had been blessed by God", she panted in a sultry Spanish accent.
Fr Feckham's trainer, Father Jack Daniels-Hackett, became red-faced and aggressive at yesterday's news conference when approached by a blonde reporter from the BBC. He was seen to spit out his bottle of toilet cleaner and lunge forward from his chair, shouting "Feck, drink, girls..." before collapsing onto the team's embarrassed coach, Father Ted Ferguson.
Craggy Island United media relations guru, Father Douggie McGuire declined to comment on the revelations as he continued to grin broadly and stare at the BBC reporter's rather shapely legs.
Ms Victoria Doyle, the club's fitness and dance trainer was angry at the attention being given to Father David. "I thought all these stories about my David were lies", she cried as she cradled her nice cup of tea in her hands. "It seems like I'm the only feckin' woman he's not been giving confessionals to lately - and I thought I knew how to spice him up better than anyone".
Father Feckham's hairdresser, Trevor, is 69.