Sir Alex Ferguson, long-time manager of Manchester United has retired from football management after his legendary hairdryer broke down due to overload after his club's disappointing 0-0 draw with Reading.
At a press conference after the game, Ferguson announced his shock abandonment of 'the beautiful game', making the following statement: "We were shite. Pure shite. So shite that my hairdryer is broken. So shite I'm retiring. So shite, goodnight."
Reporters were surprised when Rooney, who was previously thought to be unable to learn to speak, rushed to Ferguson's defence. "You know that cliche? When the going gets tough - 'it's tough with no hairdryer, innit?' - the tough get going. Sir Alex has got going, as far away from us as his fat Scottish legs can carry him. B*****d."
