Drunk Mountain Biker falls off his bike and lands a Red Bull contract!

Funny story written by Jaggedone

Saturday, 2 January 2021

image for Drunk Mountain Biker falls off his bike and lands a Red Bull contract!
"It was really worth getting totally smashed, now I have wings and mega-bucks!" claims Red Bull's new shooting star!

Garmisch-Partenkirchen, Bavaria, Germany: After celebrating New Year's Eve at a swinging party in Bavaria, a mountain-biker, totally 'smashed', jumped on his bike hoping the German 'Old Bill' were too busy snuffing out illegal parties organised by young Bavarian conspiracy theorists.

He managed to navigate his way through the cobblestone streets of his village, doing several unprepared slalom tricks on the way. After falling off three times, and stopping to have a pee twice, he managed to hack it to his front door. Sadly, he had left his keys at the party, so, totally oblivious, he curled up in the snow on his front doorstep and fell asleep.

Next morning, local police found him still lying on the ground. They dragged him off to the police station to warm up, and sober up. After studying CCTV cameras, and realising he was riding his mountain bike as pissed as a German newt, he was fined and banned from driving for six months.

This made headline news after the CCTV film of the biker was smuggled on to YouTube. It went viral because, unknowingly, his performance on the mountain bike was quite stupendous: slaloms, bouncing off bollards, hitting lamp-posts, falling off, getting back on his bike, peeing up trees and, defeating the treacherous, slippery cobblestone roads in the village.

Red Bull spotted his fantastic ride and offered the unknown biker a contract to stunt ride for them, he agreed! From 2021 he will be jumping off the side of Bavarian mountains, bombing down single-trail tracks all over the planet, doing flip-flop stunts, and getting paid thousands of bucks for the pleasure!

His girlfriend is not really happy about his extremely dangerous future, but loves the money he will be earning, and ordered a 100K Merc-jeep to ease her fears!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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