Super Bowl to Ban Roman Numerals Starting in MMVIII

Written by Dan Barash

Friday, 2 February 2007

image for Super Bowl to Ban Roman Numerals Starting in MMVIII
Just don't ask me to keep score.

Super Bowl XLI will be a milestone in Super Bowl history. Will the game be more entertaining than the commercials? Unlikely. Rather, this will be the last year the NFL will designate the game with those confusing Roman numerals.

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell said "It's about time the Super Bowls enters the XXIst, make that 21st, century." Besides being a tad more pompous than necessary, the NFL found that most fans were much to liquored up to accurately translate the Roman numerals anyway.

NFL surveys found that most fans had such trouble with basic math skills that they couldn't possibly figure out what the "L" in "XLI" stands for. A typical survey question was "Joe has three 12-packs. He drinks 14 beers and then passes out. His friend Steve chugs 10 and steals the rest. How many empties are in Steve's car when he gets pulled over by the cops?" See below for the answer.

Commissioner Goodell dismisses concerns that Roman numerals are an integral part of Super Bowl hype. "We'll still have hot cheerleaders and the occasional nipple slip. These are the essence of our Super Bowl traditions," he said.

Answer to example NFL Survey question
It's a trick question. It depends if the beer is imported or domestic. An alternate acceptable answer is "Who gives a crap?"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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