First man ever completes Glasgow Marathon

Funny story written by Sir Geoffroy Cockface

Sunday, 30 September 2018

image for First man ever completes Glasgow Marathon
Runners stop for chips during the Glasgow Marathon

It is one of the toughest events in sport, but today Geoff Shoes, 37, a professional runner from Kenya won the Glasgow Marathon. He is the first person to cross the finish line of the event since it started in 1980. Organisers were shocked to see Shoes as he approached the end, but were sober enough to take a photograph of him and congratulate him with his prize - a lifetime's supply of black pudding.

There are many reasons why the Glasgow Marathon is so tough. It is hard for serious runners to be able to find their way past the drunks, junkies, obese people and pie sellers who fill the streets on this joyous occasion. Half the city appears to be unconscious from celebrating the return of the marathon, and that includes a lot of the actual runners.

Not only that, but the Marathon goes through some of the roughest parts of the city. Most years, hundreds of runners are stabbed, and who can forget in 2014, when a trio of Chinese athletes were deep fried alive as they jogged through the Gorbals?

Geoff Shoes has announced that he will donate his prize to a charity for the victims of last year's marathon.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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