Major League Baseball took a swing yesterday at baseball fans who felt too much in-game advertising was plaguing the sport.
"Fans are inflating the issue", said Baseball Commissioner Rob Manfred while selling T-Mobile ad space on the hip of an obese woman seated along the third base line. "And besides," he added while painting the Nike Swoosh on home plate, "..baseball fans should be thankful we haven't sold Trojan Condoms ad space on our hot dogs."
Bob Engle, a lifelong baseball fan from Seattle, WA dismissed Mr. Manfred's comments.
"Manfred is clueless because when Félix Hernández of the Mariners drooled some Skoal from his mouth, Major League Baseball called it 'The Official Papa John's Tobacco Chew Spit Of The Week'. And when Mike Trout of the Angels itched his behind," Mr. Engle added. "MLB labeled it 'The Budweiser Ass Scratch Of The Game'".
"A lot of baseball players scratch their asses and a lot of people see it," Commissioner Manfred fired back as he sold off the right field of Yankee Stadium to a fracking company. "So why not capitalize on all the bum grating?"
Baseball fan Carrie Mathers was also upset at the dizzying amount of in-game promotion.
"When a cat strolled onto the field during an Houston Astros game, the baseball announcer said, 'That black cat that just wandered onto the field is officially sponsored by Draft Kings'. And if that weren't enough," Miss Mathers added while a Budweiser clydesdale was eating her popcorn. "..that same announcer later said, 'That umpire's incredibly bad call was sponsored by Lenscrafters - Where Americans Can See The Difference'. And finally," Miss Mathers sadly concluded, "..when an elderly woman watching a game was hit in the head by a baseball, the entire tragedy was turned into 'The Official Coors Light Freeze-Frame of the Night'.
"I have little patience for insolent baseball fans who don't appreciate product endorsements," Mr. Manfred snapped while radioing the Met-Life Blimp at Wrigley Field to fly 10 feet over left field. "And now if you'll excuse me," he added. "I have to go premiere 'The Official MasterCard Crotch-Adjusting Instant Replay of the Night'".