Written by Jack Allen

Saturday, 26 April 2014

image for Michel Platini - I Will Love Midgets Until I Die
R.I.P Frederic 'The Fister' Foulcault

A number of midgets were killed last night at a one-off UFC event ran by FIFA President Michel Platini.

The unique event was put together in the absence of Dana Brooks by FIFA president Michel Platini, who booked a number of inexperienced midgets to fight seasoned professionals.

Midgets from countries most people believed were fictional or pointless took to the ring against seasoned fighters from countries with a rich heritage of fighting dirty. All of the participating 7 midgets were killed, including one by George St. Pierre who tossed a painfully stereotypical French midget into the air to execute a life ending Superman Punch. However, Platini believes the regular killing of midgets would help the UFC in the long term.

"I know that it would be better for all concerned if the smaller nations were represented and raped of their dignity on a regular basis. Who would not enjoy seeing this all the time? It'd never get old!"

Some, like Platini, believe midgets should get an opportunity to fight the professional fighters, but only after a tournament between the midgets to decide the best tiny little jabbers. Others believe there should be a standard all fighters should meet to ensure high quality fighting throughout every card. Whilst some are just sick of the quality of sport in general being diluted down further than the comedic content of an episode of The Blandings or Live At The Apollo.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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