Red Sox Hair Today Growing by the Bushel

Written by Ossurworld

Friday, 20 September 2013

PESKY'S BARBER'S POLE/FENWAY PARK- Blood, sweat, and beards, is a paraphrase of Winston Churchill.

We see it on T-shirts worn by the players. The fans wore fake beards to the ballpark this week to show their folly and follicle spirit.

The Boston Red Sox have been fighting them on the bullpens, fighting them on Fenway's grounds, fighting them in the fields, but not in the clubhouse. The faithful at Fenway have gathered at the new look of the Pesky Pole, now looking like a striped barber pole.

The team that has more hair per square inch than the entire Yankee team has better rapport and camaraderie than the Smith Brothers of coughing fit fame.

Men who have no place trying to grow beards are fighting the battle with the razor blade every morning. The goal is a handful of beard. The Red Sox are a dollar short and a day late; the Boston Bruins grow beards every playoff season for years.

There are theories that Jose Iglesias was traded to Detroit because he was incapable of growing a beard. If he is seen with a beard, it has nothing to do with playing baseball.

Jacoby Ellsbury's stubble befits the myth that Native Americans cannot grow a decent beard.

Mike Carp makes the Nordic associated with the Viking blond utility pinch hitter in the mode of Leif Erikson.

Without a doubt, Mike Napoli is a man who was never challenged in his hormones when it came to hair follicles on his chin. His beard is the stuff of legend; it rivals Paul Bunyan or even Haystacks Calhoun.

David Ross is more reminiscent of Robert E. Lee. And, Johnny Gomes tends to give off the aura of Rasputin. Jarrod Saltalamacchia reminds one of a hangman's beard behind the mask he wears on the gallows.

No matter how hard he tries, Dustin Pedroia's stubble looks like a charcoal rubbing on the cheeks of a kid going out for Trick or Treats on Halloween.

Manager John Farrell and General Manager Ben Cherington remain slick-faced, clean-shaven, and smooth as silk. Their lack of beard may be the hallmark of having brains in the outfit.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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