Belichick Rewarded with New Contract by Patriots

Written by Ossurworld

Sunday, 15 September 2013

GILLETTE STADIUM- Bill Belichick will not discuss his new contract extension. It could extend to infinity, or until he rebuilds the team to win another Super Bowl.

He is probably refusing to talk about his contract in order to spare the feelings of Josh McDaniels, his offensive coordinator in a second tour of duty in the Patriot war zone.

Heretofore, McDaniels presumably would take over the reins from his longtime mentor as he approached the age eligible for monthly social security checks.

However, the cost of living appears to have rendered any imminent retirement by Belichick a moot point. Josh may have to look to other green pastures, and Belichick plans on leaving the Patriots in deplorable condition upon his departure.

Based on his decimated offense and lack of reliable receiving corps, he is well on his way to achieving the kind of legacy that was the hallmark of Roman emperors.

If Belichick becomes the new Tiberius, then Josh McDaniels is likely the latest incarnation of Caligula. It is not an idea to warm the cockles of fans.

In case you forgot, Tiberius was the man at the other end of one of the great quotations in history: "Render to Casesar what is Caesar's and to God what is God's."

For Belichick, he has taken what is his and what belongs to higher authorities with another contract. He seems to have sopped up what might have been paid to Wes Welker, what is left over from Tom Brady's restructured contract, and the residue of Aaron Hernandez's filthy millions.

In this case Tiberius Belichick has sent his least favored gladiators (like Welker, Lloyd, Woodhead) to the salt mines. Other gladiators have turned sour on his watch (Hernandez).

Belichick refuses to discuss his new contract. He also refuses to talk turkey-and "turkey" with Belichick giblets may be the best way to describe the Patriots this upcoming season.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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