Written by Abel Rodriguez

Saturday, 24 August 2013

image for Ryan Braun of The Milwaukee Brewers Says He Now Recalls Having Taken PED's
Braun's 65 game suspension will cost him $3 million. (Photo courtesy of Carlos Slim).

MILWAUKEE - Milwaukee Brewers' Ryan Braun who was suspended for 65 games and swore that he never took performance enhancing drugs has just changed his tune.

The Brewers outfielder told Sporting Chance Magazine's Hercules Confetti that he now seems to recall that he did in fact take PED's just like the drug tests showed.

Braun, who wears number 8, explained that he was confused between the terms performance enhancing drugs and performance enhancing bugs.

According to drug experts in the sports field, there is in fact a drug comprised of insect spit that when mixed with apple sauce, paprika, ketchup, and Diet Coke can give off a false positive for steroids.

Braun swears that this is what happened to him, but of course seven drug tests and three lie detector tests showed otherwise.

Drug experts state that while Diet Coke and apple sauce will go right through a person's system paprika will linger for 13 days and ketchup can stay in one's system for as long as 19 days.

Braun, whose suspension will cost him $3 million, showed no traces of paprika or ketchup.

SIDENOTE: Dozens of medical doctors throughout America are truly amazed at the fact that Ryan Braun has suddenly remembered doing something that he swore up and down for months and months that he did not do.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
55 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more