Wherefore Art Thou Going, Kevin Garnett?

Funny story written by Ossurworld

Thursday, 7 February 2013

Doc Rivers finally articulated what many fans have begun to feel: Rivers is sick and tired of all the "silly" trade rumors that have been tweeted by twits.

Now that social media is in full flower, so is the silly season. Any moronic rumor that strikes the fancy of a dozen puerile fans will go viral.

Rumors beget rumors like a chain of matings in the Bible's book of Genesis. If Rondo begat Ray Allen trade rumors, then Allen begat Paul Pierce trade rumors. Next, Pierce begat Garnett trade rumors. 'Tis the silly season.

This week alone the Celtics had to deal with multi-texted rumors that, first, the Los Angeles Clippers were a destination for Kevin Garnett. Within days the next rumor was that Denver wanted to have the privilege of paying Garnett his overblown salary.

With two weeks still before trade deadline Garnett's packed bags and Louis Vuitton luggage will get more action than they can handle. The rumor mill should continue to heat up quicker than Red Sox pitchers at spring training camp.

The lowest common denominator in the terminator trades is General Manager Danny Ainge whose volatile personality and trigger finger are notorious harbingers of a tsunami swell and a blockbuster trade.

Nearly every rumor cites credibility because there is no denying that Ainge might consider the idea, no matter how crazy or kookoo or crackpot.

As for Garnett, whose honey-nut Cheerio antics on the court have endeared him to Bostonians, these fictional trades have opened up and provided information on his blood type: he says it is green forever.

The reclusive Garnett rings true when he states his funeral will be by duckboat on the Charles. He is a Celtic, rumors be damned.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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