John Madden Delivers Delirious Half-time Speech To Hot Dog Vendor

Funny story written by Sam Marx

Saturday, 12 January 2013

As the first half of Super Bowl 43 came to a close with the Green Bay Packers leading 21-10, former head coach and beloved NFL color commentator John Madden knew it was time.

Despite having no idea what time is was, or for that matter how he had gotten to his seat that afternoon, Madden turned to the nearest hot dog vendor and unleashed his most powerful half time speech to date. Madden, who hasn't commanded a locker room since 1978, did not hold back. Reports say that that Madden's key points were based around the fundamentals of delivering hot dogs. Precision boiling. Ketchup to mustard ratio, and of course the hand off.

"It's all about the hand off." Said Madden as he violently shook the Nathan's employee, "It's three steps back, tuck that baby in there and Boom! He's off!"

The NFL Hall of Famer knew it was up to him to make sure that his man didn't get complacent after a solid first half of work. He warned the vendor that he had completed just 56% percent of his Coca-Cola fills, but was pleased about the recovery on the relish mix-up in the first quarter.

"Guy said kraut, you gave him relish. Doink! Whatever. That's over put it out of your mind, next time you give his kid a free cookie. Whap! And he's happy!"

Before sending his man back out for the second half, a noticeably shaken Madden was removed from his seat by Texas Stadium security for allegedly using yellow mustard to draw a series of circles and arrows on the woman in front of him.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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