Blond Bombshell Greg Stiemsma Leaves Boston with the Sound of a Dud

Funny story written by Ossurworld

Wednesday, 25 July 2012

After he was resoundingly ridiculed in midseason when Tommy Heinsohn compared his shot blocks to legendary superstar Bill Russell, it was only a matter of time before Greg Stiemsma went west.

His hair reminded fans of Larry Bird, but blond Stiemsma was no Marilyn Monroe of Hoops. He was as much like Bird as blonde Lindsay Lohan.

Perhaps the big blond's heart was in the dairy pastures of Wisconsin all during his stay in Boston as he yearned to spend time in neighboring land of lakes, Minnesota, where Nordic blonds have more fun than in Boston.

Perhaps it was his fallen arches that led him to think of soaking his feet in the mud of nearby Mississippi River.

One thing is for certain, Greg 'Steamer' Stiemsma left town before it became his regret to do so.

Brian Scalabrine stayed too long in Bean Town and now must come back to do color commentary for the local TV stations. That fate may never fall on Greg.

We suspect that Stiemsma will not return again unless it is to play for the T-Wolves against Boston.

Stiemsma's departure was not as earth-shattering a development as Ray Allen, but it certainly lets the Bostonians know that at least two people do not think the sun rises and sets on the great Hub.

Stiemsma will receive nearly as much money as Ray Allen to leave the Celtics-but unlike Allen, Stiemsma will never worry that his number won't be retired to the TD Garden rafters.

Nor will Greg hear the cries of 'traitor' like Ray Allen. Instead, his name will quietly fade away like fellow brief layovers with odd names like Luke Harangody and Nenad Krstich.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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