Boston Celtics Dog Doesn't Bark in the Off Season

Written by Ossurworld

Friday, 22 June 2012

Celtics fans may wish the team would make like Elvis Presley singing, "Hound Dog," when it comes to making banjo eyes to next season's team.

Instead, it looks like the Danny Ainge will be humming, "How Much is That Doggie in the Window?"

Brandon Bass has opted out of his contract because he wants to remain a Celtic, but he wants to be paid on a par with the man the Celtics dumped (Big Baby Davis) to find open pocketed Bass.

If the Celtics could pay for a dog in a manger like Davis, then Bass wants to be thrown a bone too.

With money falling off the Celtic payroll this summer like tsunami waves a thousand feet high, the Celtics may be in the market for some big men to give lift to the speedy guards.

Ainge knows he must avoid throwing a bone to the junkyard dogs of the NBA and save a big doggie biscuit for the premiere, preening pups of the draft Dog Show.

Ainge needs a bowwow that will at least win and place as well as show.

Now that Ainge has turned into Daddy Warbucks, he must look for a dog on the order of Sandy, the loyal mutt who belonged to Little Orphan Annie.

There is no sense in signing one of those expensive Afghan hounds if Rajon Rondo won't play ball with him. When Rondo tells a big man to fetch, he means it. After all, Rondo is the one truly running this dog and pony show.

Ainge may be carrying a doggie bag home from the draft, but it beats having it become a barf bag before he sends his players to bowwow obedience school.

If Ainge looks up in the summer sky, he may see the Dog Star. If he wants to get out of the Celtics doghouse, he may follow the Yellow Brick Road all the way back to Munchkinland.

Ainge should pay a few good big men with those gold bricks along the road to the Emerald City.

Every game next season will be a three-dog fight for the Celtics. Every game will require a three-dog night.

The Celtic dogsled requires a few huskies to pull that Celtics franchise like Yukon King on a case with Sergeant Preston.

As Sherlock Holmes said, the biggest clue is the dog that didn't bark in the night. It shouldn't happen to a Celtic general manager.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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