Kevin Garnett To Be Celtic for Life

Written by Ossurworld

Sunday, 1 July 2012

With the reported deal to sign a contract with the Boston Celtics for three years, many Boston basketball fans see a new contract for Kevin Garnett's services as a life sentence.

Though Kevin Garnett will not be showing up at the contract signing after July 11th in a ball and chain, the deal for half of what he made this year certainly means he has succumbed to virtual indentured servitude.

Fans across the NBA are beginning to think that the Celtics have signed a brainwashed "Manchurian Candidate" whose willpower has been sapped by some kind of Celtic leprechaun mind control.

The owners of the Celtics know that the robbery signing the daunting KG for peanuts means that Lucky the Leprechaun, erstwhile mascot of the Celtics, will keep his pot of gold for another rainbow.

Signing KG is now the second biggest Boston robbery next to the Brink's Job.

NBA insiders have reported that the only way out of this new contract of indentured servitude for Garnett is to win a championship banner for the Celtics.

That being done, Garnett will be released from his bondage and allowed to return to Malibu where he can sink into anonymous retirement.

Players like Dwight Howard are now fearful that the provisions of this contract may mean he too can be signed away to toil for only a few million dollars in pursuit of a championship always a few games beyond his reach.

Fans worry that for three years Garnett will be housed at one of the notorious MCI (Massachusetts Correctional Institution) prisons to make sure he cannot escape to a West Coast team.

Other fans are no longer confident that Ray Allen will escape the same fate as the centerpiece of the Celtics Big Three. Those that think Allen will sign with the Heat (or Suns) may be burned by such thinking. If Allen hears the tandem Sirens of Paul Pierce and Kevin Garnett, he too may re-sign with the Boston Celtics for a song.

The announcement of KG's new contract with the Celtics is indeed a dark day for the players of the NBA that thought the Celtics would be dead for the foreseeable future.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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