Kevin Garnett: No Shades of Gray in His Retirement Picture

Written by Ossurworld

Thursday, 28 June 2012

Boston Celtic star Kevin Garnett has found a fountain of youth somewhere, according to friends like Kendrick Perkins and Shorty Rondo. Seventeen years in the NBA would turn a man to dust, but not the amazing Mr. Garnett.

He became the Boston Celtics center in midseason, owing to the fallen and thinned ranks. Every man may kill the thing he loves, but Kevin Garnett guaranteed his career would never die.

The best bettors were laying money hand over fist that the old man, then approaching thirty-six, would end up dead from too many minutes in the paint.

Garnett scoffed at such pronouncements. He said he used the wisecracks and debits from the media as fodder for motivation. The more he heard the disparaging words, the more he found the inspiration to go thirty to forty minutes in a game.

If he was Marilyn Monroe at 36, it would be the end of the road.

If he was Joe DiMaggio at 36, he would be playing for his Social Security checks.

KG of the Celtics knew a secret that only a few chosen souls probably had learned. He had secretly years ago had his portrait painted by a mysterious artist. This image seemed to hold magical powers. No matter how hard Garnett played, no matter how many grueling road games he had to start, he stayed young and fresh.

However, back home in Malibu, in the attic of his beautiful seaside villa, there hung a portrait that had grown moldy, yellowing with age, and rotting chips of paint flaked off regularly.

Yes, the Picture of Dorian Gray had nothing on the portrait of Kevin Garnett. Don't confuse Oscar Wilde with Fifty Shades of Gray. Kevin Garnett will play as long as that image hangs in the belfry.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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