Transfer Window: Di Matteo sends Chelsea scouts to watch non-league striker

Funny story written by radiogagger

Monday, 19 March 2012

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Chelsea widen the search for Torres replacement

Chelsea are among a host of clubs tracking non-league hot shot Ollie Palmer.

Palmer, 20, who plays for Blue Square South strugglers Havant and Waterlooville, has been watched in his last two games by scouts for Roberto Di Matteo.

Palmer said: "I had two calls to say Chelsea were watching me, which is exciting."

The news will delight blues fans who realise that yesterdays win over Championship opposition Leicester City in the FA Cup was only a stop gap result to temporarily plug the massive Bridge leak.

Fernando Torres actually found the onion net twice in a 5-2 win but Di Matteo privately accepts he will never repeat the feat in a match against Premier or Champions League opponents again, hence the need to bring in new talent like Ollie Palmer.

With new Financial Fair Play Rules to be phased in by UEFA in 2013-14 requiring wages and transfer fees to be less than 70% of turnover, the Chelsea recruitment policy is expected to increasingly involve signing young players from non-league and free transfers from lower league teams like Leyton Orient, Charlton Athletic and Barnet.

A source close to Peanut headed Di Matteo told the sloof "In the case of Torres, its 50 million big ones down the drain"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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