Sven to step down after World Cup Quarter finals

Funny story written by cheesedish

Saturday, 28 January 2006

image for Sven to step down after World Cup Quarter finals
"Ok Sam, I've had enough, it's your turn"

Following revelations in a Sunday tabloid last week that England football manager Sven Göran Eriksson is swedish and drinks with Arabs, the English FA has announced that England's customary elimination at the quarter final stage of this summers World cup in Germany will be the final straw in his five year reign as the English football team's most successful swedish manager of all time, and that a new manager will take the helm from next season.

However, reaction to the news has been mixed from both fans and pundits alike. Opinion has been divided as to whether future England managers should be given the opportunity to progress beyond the seven figure salary Sven has picked up while sitting in a free seat at a number of football grounds around the country "Sven still has the capability in his locker to go all the way and win " said a source close to the FA compensation team " we're still hoping to keep it under 10 million, but Sven is very astute tactically and you have to remember he has some world class lawyers at his disposal, especially in attack and defence" he went on to add ." But our negotiating team has gained a lot of international experience against some tough opposition recently. For instance, you only have to look at our brave display against all the odds to build a 90,000-seater stadium for under a billion quid"

Long-suffering England fans were also keen to join in the debate following the announcement from the FA that the end of Sven's reign as the tabloids current top target man was imminent " It's a shame really" said one England fan who had been queuing with his son outside an ebay auction room for hours in the hope of buying a ticket to watch his heroes in action " Sven is the first England manager to get off with a few nice looking women for once. Sir Alf might have won us the world cup and Sir Bobby got us to a semi final but neither of them managed to snog anyone better looking than Nobby Stiles or Paul Gascoigne."

Tabloid journalists were also reported to be quietly jubilant following the announcement from FA Headquarters " He may have been the right man for the job in many peoples eyes but most of our typewriters still don't have a key with an ‘o' with two little dots above it, so it was inevitable he would have to go eventually."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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