Written by Deafo

Tuesday, 11 October 2011

Arsenal's poor injury record is raising concerns amongst South Korean army chiefs after it was revealed the club's summer signing, Park Chu-Young, would be expected to complete a 21-month stint of national service for the country.

The 26-year-old has admitted he will have to leave the London outfit in two years to serve his military training in much less onerous conditions, or risk facing jail or even exile from his homeland to return for another spell of Pat Rice training sessions.

Army spokesman, Tuk Pyu-So, said, "Although Arsenal's London Colney training ground exhibits many of the attributes associated with a battlefield, warfare conducted at ankle height is simply not conducive to preserving the well-being of a sovereign state.'

'So we are less than comfortable with one of our boys experiencing such apparent danger in what are clearly uncontrolled scenarios.'

'The Frenchman in charge has taken the mantra 'one touch football' a little too far, as most under his charge seem to break down after exactly that number of touches from an opposition player.'

'One would hope that Park will come back displaying a little more than the fighting spirit shown by the current first XI or Kim Jong Il can just send out the kids like Arsene does.'

Mr Pyu-So conceded, however, the threat level being exerted on South Korea by its near neighbour made Arsene Wenger's side the perfect stomping ground for someone expected to do battle in such circumstances.

'We are concerned that the boy may return unable to carry his own weight, let alone the security expectations of a nation in constant fear of its very existence.'

'But there is some obvious synergy between ourselves and Arsenal in that we are both being placed in serious jeopardy from our cantankerous brethren in the North.'

'We, from Kim Jong Il, and Arsenal from Harry Redknapp, taking that fourth spot in the Premier League.'

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Topics: Arsenal, South Korea

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
62 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more