There were 59 spoof news snippets published in April 2020. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.

Order by:
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

Cheap!

You know you're cheap when you make change in wishing wells.

written by Butch, 01 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

Stop & Shop

I went to Stop and Shop yesterday and found 50 dollars. Yeah, I couldn't believe it. Just sitting there in the register.

written by Butch, 01 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

Drink Windex

Drink Windex, it won't leave streaks.

written by Butch, 01 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

Lazy

My lazy friend was busted for hitch-hiking while j-walking. He was thumbing for piggy-backs.

written by Butch, 01 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

Tree Bank

They just set up a new bank in a tree. It was a small branch.

written by Butch, 01 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

Zombie Comedian

The zombie comedian killed his audience with gutsy deadpan humor.

written by Butch, 01 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

Kitten

My students were mortified when I plugged a kitten into my computer, but they did the same with a mouse.

written by Butch, 01 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

Apple Insider

An insider told me that Apple computers are really PC's at their core.

written by Butch, 01 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

Psychopath - No shit - I am.

Drunk psychopath thinks he is irresistible to ALL women. Shot dead by his long-suffering wife.

written by Dewani Unhatched, 02 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

Harry And Meghan

Has Prince Harry become a stay-at-home father, while Meghan continues her Hollywood career?

written by K.C. Bell, 02 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

CNN's Infected Chris Cuomo Has A Transforming Experience

The anchor gained a new perspective yesterday. By attempting to get rid of the coronavirus by jamming a gushing fire hose up his nose, he flushed out all that lefty-progressive sh*t from his brain.

written by Trinculoman, 03 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

Senator Klobuchar and Judge Jeannine Pirro in Partisan Cat Fight

VP hopeful Klobuchar/Judge Jeannine are at it tooth-and-nail! Seems like they both want Mike "Pillow Guy" Lindell as their personal Boy-Toy. Amy claims home turf MN rights, but the Judge overruled it.

written by Trinculoman, 03 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

Al Gore Declared a National Health Menace

President Trump used emergency powers to have Gore arrested by US Marshals in hazmat suits. Turns out that the ex-VP was farting the coronavirus continuously in numerous venues in the nation's capital.

written by Trinculoman, 04 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

Speaker Pelosi Inserting Specific, Critical Items in The Infrastructure Bill

Pelosi's draft of forthcoming Bill includes a provision for free replacement in perpetuity of false dentures worn by California female octegenarians who have had multitudinous facial restructurings.

written by Trinculoman, 04 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

New York Governor Cuomo Acquires Yet Another Accolade

Gov Cuomo can add one more plaque to his Albany office wall, after being named Chief Capo of Meatball and Italian-Sausage Suckers of America.The prestigious honor is awarded by the Don Corleone Institute.

written by Trinculoman, 09 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

Little Known Career Fact About CNN Anchor Don Lemon

He was one of the early recipients of the "Ignoramus Maximus" degree from Pee Wee Herman Extension School of Journalistic Irrelevancy of No Fork, North Dakota. Chuck Dodd of NBC has also got one.

written by Trinculoman, 09 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

Mexican Government Praises Drug Cartels for their COVID-19 Etiquette

"Maintaining quarantine guidelines with house to house shoot-outs".

written by C/L, 11 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

Doctor Anthony Fauci Makes an On-Air Diagnosis of Mark Cuban's Disease

Crack diagnostician Fauci instantly defined the nature of Cuban's illness on Fake News Sunday. The Doc says Cuban has severe diarrhea of the mouth complicated by the complete absence of brain matter.

written by Trinculoman, 12 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

"The Wombles Led Me Astray" Claims Rolf Harris

"I wrote John Cage's silent piano piece 4' 33" claims Devon watering-can repairer, Adelbert Lossiemouth. "I recorded it on a cassette to prove it."

written by Erskin Quint, 15 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

Philip Schofield Drank Milk From My Daughter's Breasts

More papier-mache busts of Hereward The Wake have appeared at Chichester pub The Running Sore. "The ensuites are all full of them now," says landlord, Colin Drab.

written by Erskin Quint, 15 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

My Nude Warthog Wrestling Hell by Alan Titchmarsh

Veteran entertainer Rolf Harris has some advice about the Coronavirus social distancing. "Just keep your distance when you're out and about," he says. "Indoors, nobody can see you."

written by Erskin Quint, 15 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

Dead Cat Discovered in Lady Gaga's Vagina

Pontefract hot water bottle designer Colin Artefact's project to recreate the Papier Mache Hot Water Bottles of the Indus Valley has hit a snag. "You can't get the beetles for the glue", he says.

written by Erskin Quint, 15 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

Cardboard Bishop Scandal Rocks Bury St Edmunds

"My Great Uncle Norman knew German philosopher Martin Heidegger", claims Barnsley fruiterer Ken Drastic. "He used to come into Norman's shop in Leeds to buy snuff and gobstoppers."

written by Erskin Quint, 15 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

Halifax Man Kept Imaginary Dugong in Bath

Dominic Cummings, Boris Johnson's Special Advisor, breeds moles in his spare time. "He's always trying to teach them to beg," says a Westminster source.

written by Erskin Quint, 15 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

Wordsworth Kept Emailing My Mother Claims York Moron

A brass rubbing from a Victorian mausoleum of Bix Beiderbecke playing leapfrog with Lulu on Saltcoats Pier while Erik Satie rubs peanut butter into Annie Besant's buttocks has been left on a train.

written by Erskin Quint, 15 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

Judge's Nude Moon-Worshipping Shame

Mayor of Canterford, Abelard Siskin, loves the work of late travel writer Sidney Yardbrushe. "Just finished Squaw-Beating with the Blackfoot Sioux and Rogering My Way Through Matabeleland", he grins.

written by Erskin Quint, 15 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

Michael Gove Drank My Sperm Claims Rabbi

"Leave those pangolins alone, baby!" says Alfred, Lord Tennyson. "They're so hip to the scene. Hey, those cats are layin' down some cool grooves. Lay off, China!"

written by Erskin Quint, 15 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

Trivets Are Back!

Alfred, Lord Tennyson is a fan of the Epic of Gilgamesh. "That's some heavy shit, man", he says. "Those Mesopotamians were crazy cats. They were real gone."

written by Erskin Quint, 15 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

California Man Finally Understands Belly-Button Lint After Self-Isolation

Reid Moore, a SoCal resident, never considered belly button lint in the days when he showered daily. But, due to self-isolation, he's come to realize that dust inevitably settles on sedentary bodies.

written by Reid Moore, 18 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

Kim Kardashian Offers Inspirational Guidance for COVID-19

"Remember, if you lose a loved one to the virus, wait until the end of the day to cry so you will not mess up your fresh makeup!"

written by Reggie "Rex" Stain, 17 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

Fan Seeks Kim Kardashian Guidance for COVID-19

“I know she has inspired me with makeup tips and how to recover from a Brazilian butt-lift, but I need her now more than anything as a celebrity epidemiologist. Please, Kim!"

written by Reggie "Rex" Stain, 17 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

Trump Corrects Himself in Recent Plan to Reopen America

Absent from the plan to Reopen America were the 5 US Territories. Trump corrected this, adding “Those Foreigner States” can jump right to Phase 3 with no restrictions as "nobody goes there anyway."

written by Reggie "Rex" Stain, 17 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

Biden Campaign Makes Key Staffing Announcement

In a critical move the campaign revealed that former Congressman Anthony Weiner has been named Sexting Guru. He'll be the direct campaign liaison with the Girl Scouts of America.

written by Trinculoman, 18 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

Dr. Deborah Birx Surprises White House Press Corps With a Unexpected Romantic Announcement

The normally staid and data-enmeshed MD stunned the ever combative W. H. Press pool of cynics by announcing she will be the next Mrs. Larry King. Said Annaconda of ConNews, "Debbie We Hardly Knew Ye!"

written by Trinculoman, 18 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

Thomson's Gazelle Nibbled My Briefings Claims Boris Johnson

At Chichester pub The Running Sore, landlord Colin Drab is desperate: "We've no more room for these papier mache busts of Hereward The Wake. I've asked the Vicar if we can put some in the church."

written by Erskin Quint, 19 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

Barrage Balloon Mistaken For James Corden

"That Minoan Art was right on", says Alfred, Lord Tennyson. "That's some crazy ceramic shit."

written by Erskin Quint, 19 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

Blue Peter Star John Noakes Masturbated In My Kitchen, Claims Diane Abbott

An Ancient Greek Panel Painting of Kitchener of Khartoum playing leapfrog with Lulu on Saltcoats pier, while Epimenedes of Cnossos hand washes his string vests has been stolen from Adele's handbag.

written by Erskin Quint, 19 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

Women Love Wife-Beaters Claims Archbishop

"I love the lemurs of Madagascar", says Alfred, Lord Tennyson. "Those crazy cats really are gone."

written by Erskin Quint, 19 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

WH Auden Inspired Me, Claims Crazy Paving Designer

...while Piscean pig farmers should avoid baking foil. A Mulatto dwarf will bring bad news to Sagittarian tightrope-walkers. Unemployed Librans would do well to steer clear of human compost.

written by Erskin Quint, 19 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

Are Tardigrades The Future of Livestock Farming Post-COVID-19?

"Vinegar works wonders on windows", says veteran entertainer Rolf Harris. "They come up lovely and clean. Mind you", he adds, "I leave mine dirty to stop the snooping bastards seeing what I'm doing."

written by Erskin Quint, 19 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

Would Alan a Dale Have Used Vim, Or Would He Have Been An Ajax Man?

The Two David Livingstones have taken advantage of the Coronavirus lockdown in their Littlehampton semi. "We've moved the Toby Jugs into the lounge", said David Livingstone, yesterday.

written by Erskin Quint, 19 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

Stock Market Fall Spells Trouble For Scrabble Firm

Charles "Turnip" Townshend is an admirer of Captain Beefheart. "While I was inventing my Norfolk Four-Course Crop Rotation System, I had Trout Mask Replica blasting out all day", he said yesterday.

written by Erskin Quint, 19 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

Tim Rice's Nude Ann Widdecombe Yoga Horror

Ely milkman Nicodemus Palge is selling his collection of Etruscan Cinerary Urns. "I need the room", he said, yesterday. "Besides, terracotta is so yesterday", he added, yesterday.

written by Erskin Quint, 19 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

Sussex Judge Damaged By Moths

"Donald Trump is a lying narcissist who shouldn't be anywhere near public office", claims Prince Ferdinand Georg August of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha. "I can see it even though I died in 1851."

written by Erskin Quint, 19 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

Trafalgar Nelson "An Impostor", Claims Dorset Rapist

Famous cookery author Delia Smith has denied any relationship to the Temple of the Delians on the Greek island of Delos. "The Pagan Cult I lead is based at Yaxham", she said, yesterday.

written by Erskin Quint, 25 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

I'd Try Chimpanzee Serum Toothpaste, Claims Trump

Famous cook Delia Smith is a fan of Donald Trump. "I want him to whip my naked body with live eels and cover me in disinfectant", she told Good Morning Britain presenter Susannah Reid, yesterday.

written by Erskin Quint, 25 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

Trump Says Glue Made From Horses Will Kill Coronavirus

"Trump's statements about using disinfectant to cure COVID-19 were appalling", Prince Ferdinand Georg August of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha said, yesterday. "It's obvious to me, even though I died in 1851."

written by Erskin Quint, 25 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

Trump Latest: Jugged Hare Could Help WIth Corona

"Trump is one cat that's slated for crashville", says Alfred, Lord Tennyson. "That disinfectant shit is a real zonk on the head. If a square don't know his groceries, he should can the lip."

written by Erskin Quint, 25 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

Stevenage Menaced by Rogue Capybara

More Highlights from The Cretin Channel:

21:00 Celebrity Gibberish:
Can new girl Priti Patel hope to challenge Donald Trump?

22:00 Movie: Humpty Dumpty Goes To Seed, starring James Corden

written by Erskin Quint, 25 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

Camel Humps "Kill Corona" Claims Trump

"The camels don't have corona. They have the humps. Some of 'em have two. That's gotta be worth looking into. Even the ones with no humps have a little hump. Almost a hump. Like the Limas of Peru."

written by Erskin Quint, 25 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

Trump: Vim Will Help Ud Beat Corona

"Can we look at Vim? They have Vim in the UK, though there's a shortage. They're using it. It kills Corona. It's like a powerful powder. The women powder their noses, right? It's ready to go."

written by Erskin Quint, 25 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

Vim Shares Plummet After Trump Debacle

An ambrotype depicting Donald Trump playing leapfrog with Lulu on Saltcoats Pier while Louis Pasteur weeps in despair, has been stolen from Bill Gates' underground World Domination HQ.

written by Erskin Quint, 25 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

"Fire Kills Corona", Claims Trump

"Could we hit the body with a tremendous amount of fire? I've seen the fire. It kills everything. Can we look at getting it inside the body? Fire is so big. It's not even size, it's genius."

written by Erskin Quint, 25 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

Trump: Electric Light To Help Fight Corona

"The light kills it. If we use tremendous amounts of light. Even at night. We have electric light, right? Can we get it inside the body? And the neon. I'm not a doctor but we'd be 24/7."

written by Erskin Quint, 25 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

Trump Says Soap Is The Answer

"Soap, right? You wash your hands to kill it. I'm asking, could we get the soap inside the body? Through the skin? Almost a cleaning? It does a tremendous number on the lungs. Can we look at that?"

written by Erskin Quint, 25 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

Whipsnade Tragedy: Giant Snail Crushed by Pygmy Hippo

More Highlights from the Cretin Channel

19:30 Celebrity Countdown Outtakes: the funniest moments from Donald Trump and Priti Patel

written by Erskin Quint, 25 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

President Trump Implements His Meat Industry Relief Plan

Ordering the importation of millions of pounds of bat meat from China.

written by C/L, 29 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

Sales of New COVID-19 Perfume Tank

Industry analysts say the whole project is being ventilated.

written by C/L, 29 April 2020
Rating:
Thank you for your rating!

Whereabouts of Kim Jung Un Discovered

He's stuck in quarantine at Dennis Rodman's house in L.A.

written by C/L, 29 April 2020
« Mar 2020 April 2020 May 2020 »
Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun
 
1st
8
2nd
2
3rd
2
4th
2
5th
0
6th
0
7th
0
8th
0
9th
2
10th
0
11th
1
12th
1
13th
0
14th
0
15th
10
16th
0
17th
3
18th
3
19th
10
20th
0
21st
0
22nd
0
23rd
0
24th
0
25th
12
26th
0
27th
0
28th
0
29th
3
30th
0
 

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Subscribe…


Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more