There were 28 spoof news snippets published in January 2019. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.
President Has Fortified the White House While Shutting Down the Government
Trump swears that no subpoenas for him or family will penetrate through his new security devices.
written by Al N., 03 January 2019
Swedish Warships to Have Barcodes...
...so that they can Scan-da-navy-in.
written by Paxton Quigley, 03 January 2019
Republicans Issue Blinders to all Their Followers
In regards to Trump talking, earplugs to follow.
written by Al N., 06 January 2019
Woman Demands Bubble Bath
A woman from Blackburn has been heard ranting and raving saying that she should be given a bubble bath. She says this, rests and then says it again. They won’t give her one, you know.
written by Imnotcrazy, 10 January 2019
Trump Falsely Claims He Never Said Mexico Will Pay For The Border Wall
Also falsely claims that Mike Pence, and not he, farted in the Oval Office. Quoted as saying, "Hey, Mikey, you smelt it, you dealt it!"
written by Stefano M. Stefano, 11 January 2019
Pelosi Does Believe in Some Kind of 'Walls'
House Speaker Pelosi denies a Southern border wall. Yet, she avidly "walls" herself off from the reality of 'Angel Families' who have lost loved ones to the acts of illegal immigrant criminals.
written by Trinculoman, 12 January 2019
Elizabeth Warren Still Trying To Transform Her Roots
Latest Warren gambit is a Twitter video showing her under hood of her Mercedes. Face besmirched, she turns to the camera, citing her descent from 'grease monkeys'--Oops, didn't she mean auto mechanics.
written by Trinculoman, 12 January 2019
Joe Biden Takes a Major Step in His Planned 2020 Presidential Run
Biden is preparing a significant trip in service of his putative 2020 candidacy. Joe is stuffing his pack for the trek to the Emerald City to plead with the Wizard of Oz to finally give him a brain.
written by Trinculoman, 12 January 2019
Beto O'Rourke Sets Up Next Extremely Personal Video Campaign Teaser
After airing his dental visit, Beto is making a next major campaign move. He has contracted with Proctology Now to broadcast live his upcoming colonoscopy. Voters will see what Beto is really about.
written by Trinculoman, 12 January 2019
Joe Biden Plans a Visit to a Fellow Joe Before Taking Off to OZ
A key research step prior to the OZ trip will be Biden visiting Joe Scarboro to find out how he lost his brain as a result of appearing on MSNBC. Wicked Witch Mika may have something to do with it.
written by Trinculoman, 12 January 2019
'It's Jaggedone's Good News Week!'
Loved by many, hated by others, Jaggedone has this piece of good news for everybody: "Brexshit has now hit the fan and those who perpetrated the whole fiasco have shit on their pompous faces!"
written by unknown
Norwegian Wood cures Portuguese virus!
In a mega EU co-operation (before Brexshit), Norway sent their Messiah to Manchester to cure a Portuguese virus that spread its poison. Luckily, Norwegian Wood destroyed the Portugeuse worm!
written by unknown
Trump's Twitter Admission: I am an idiot...
but I'm not Putin's useful idiot.
written by Paxton Quigley, 15 January 2019
'Comfortably Dumb' is Trump's new theme song!
Pink Floyd have written a new 'Wall' song in honor of Trump's walls; Wall Street, Mexican Wall, White House Walls, etc. Roger Walters purposely renamed it, 'Comfortably Dumb' instead of 'Numb!'
written by unknown
Boris Johnson admits his ancestors were Prussian Neanderthals!
BOJO, has discovered through an Italian grapevine that his ancestors were Jurassic Neanderthals from Dusseldorf, Germany. There are reports from Westminster that a suicide has taken place!
written by unknown
Ole Solskaer admits Norwegian Wood is his fave Beatles song, OOPS!
Interim Man U manager, Ole, loves the Beatles from Liverpool and his fave song is obvious! However, Man U fans are in outrage and want him sacked because anything coming from Liverpool is shit!!
written by unknown
Sensational divorce news! Jaggedone divorces Brexit!
One can only take so much! After consulting lawyers and pleading for sanity, Jaggedone, decided to divorce May, Johnson, Farage, Mogg and, last not least, Brexit! Holland has welcomed a new Nutter!
written by unknown
The Wall Street Journal Will Change its Name
It's now called the "Barrier Street Journal."
written by Al N., 18 January 2019
Trump Says He Was Misunderstood About the Wall
He now says he really wanted to build a "Wall Street" on the border to inspire more business.
written by Al N., 18 January 2019
DC Comics Demands that Washington, D.C. Change Their Name
"They may have been first, but we've had the initials TRADEMARKED!" said a DC rep.
written by Al N., 20 January 2019
Ocasio-Cortez's One Billionaire Exception
The bug-eyed Sage-ess of Queens joyfully clarifies her prohibition of all billionaires. Ocasio-Cortez exempts George Soros, noting he is her dear mentor and "papi de azucar!"
written by Trinculoman, 22 January 2019
The Irrelevancy of John Kerry
Perennial Enemy-Collaborator (VietNam, Iran, China, etc), John Kerry, has far exceeded his sell-by date, but the networks still don't get it. When he croaks on TV, citizens could give a (bleep)!
written by Trinculoman, 23 January 2019
Trump Demands Changes to Robert Frost's Poem Mending Wall
Trump wants the line "Good fences make good neighbors" changed to "Good WALLs make good neighbors."
written by Al N., 25 January 2019
Opposition leader Juan Guaidó Declares Himself President, but...
Venezuelan Opposition leader Juan Guaidó declared himself interim president, until he realized his mistake.
"President of Venezuela?! I thought it was for Ecuador! Never mind then!"
written by Stefano M. Stefano, 25 January 2019
Trump is Overheard Saying that He Needs to Get the Government Going for Three Weeks
He can't get anyone to help him write his State of the Union speech because of the shutdown.
written by Al N., 26 January 2019
Nancy Tells Donald That a Wall Will Be Built. Donald is So Happy He Doesn't, For Once, Ask a Lot of Questions
Imagine his surprise when the next day he saw government troops building a wall around Mar-A-Lago.
written by Al N., 26 January 2019
President's "Undocumented" Golf Course Workers Fired
...Ten years after the President knew about them. Hope they weren't expecting a pension!
written by Al N., 28 January 2019
God Warns Sarah Sanders To Never Talk About Him Again
God will be giving an interview to CNN to explain free will and how He is not to blame for Trump.
written by Al N., 31 January 2019
