True Facts From Snoops #429
According to Snoops: Death Valley was named after the infamous bank robber, "The Sun Death Kid".
written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
True Facts From Snoops #109
According to Snoops: The top three bits of conversation on elevators are "What floor?", "Going down?" and "Who died?"
written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
Burgers Bring Complaints
McDonald's McDouble Bacon & Cheese Burgers accused of using cloned meat after customers kept complaining that their bellies have doubled!
written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
CHEAP: Biden borrows money to pay for lunch at sub shop.
He's been pulling that 'left my wallet at home' gag for five years according to unnamed waiter.
written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
China, the World's Most Populous Nation, Needs More Children
After average age hits 65! May be too late.
written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
Gov't announces new motor coach, bus seat belt regulations
Doesn't include school buses. "We can always have MORE kids", says Washington.
written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
13 things working moms don't like
Number One: That big fat slob lying on the couch eating junk, drinking beer and watching sports!
written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
Pastor defies faith to marry son
First recorded case ever of a father marrying his own son.
written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
True Facts From Snoops #401
According to Snoops: Both Cheech and Chong have so many chemicals inside of them that they have to wear a "Do Not Cremate" bracelets.
written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
True Facts From Snoops #311
According to Snoops: Thomas Edison, in explaining how he made a light bulb, stated that after each failure, another bulb would appear in a balloon over his head.
written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
True Facts From Snoops #752
According to Snoops: Most popular Amish Buggy Sticker: "Slow! Horse's Ass Ahead & Aboard!"
written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
Boeing cargo jet to take off from Wichita airport's short runway
Plane landed at the wrong airport during the night. "I guess that I will have to tell my boss that I've become very near-sighted", states pilot.
written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
Hydrogen cars could be headed to showroom near you
Also, new Helium Cars may run on the highway, fields and over water.
written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
Iran declares 'lack of trust' at nuke talks.
"I don't blame them", says Iranian representative. "I wouldn't trust us either."
written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
'Knockout' Assaults Reported in DC.
"Any time you hear that "Rocky" theme song being played, you know someone has just been beaten unconscious", says policeman.
written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
Government May Require Teachers To Make Kids Eat Healthy
"They'll be like the officer of many airplanes", says Nancy Pelosi. "But without guns!"
written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
Mom Fined by Daycare for Packing 'Unhealthy' Lunch.
"Sure, I'll pack her some apples and healthier food and she'll bring it right back home at the end of the day. Then I'll get fined for starving her."
written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
UN climate talks fall apart as 132 countries storm out.
"It was like The Running of the Bulls" in Pamplona, Spain", says women, getting to her feet after being knocked down twice.
written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
Neighbors complain Navy base playing National Anthem too loud.
So they switch to the '1812 Overture'. Complain again of cannon fire shaking the ground. "You just can't please some people", says Colonel.
written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
Just 1 in 317 Dems wish Joe Biden 'Happy Birthday'.
Of course, it wasn't actually Joe's birthday. "I just had my 'Birthday Suit'on", stated Joe. "And the wife says, "Happy Birthday!"
written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
Watch Out For Docs
Patients warned that secret government mike being shoved up rear end of Doctors using Obamacare. "That's how we get all the shit that's going down", explains agent.
written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
America's Plan to Kill Online Privacy.
"Resistance is futile. We are American Government Snoops!"
written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
True Facts From Snoops #145
According to Snoops: In the original Olympics, all the men were nude. That continued until one unfortunate accident a former male had on the high jump.
written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
True Facts From Snoops #722
According to Snoops: Will Rogers said that he never met a man he didn't like. Of course, that was before Donald Trump and Bernie Madoff.
written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
Shoppers ALREADY Camping Out For Black Friday Sales!
"Thanksgiving? Who cares about Thanksgiving? We can eat later at a restaurant."
written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
Co-op
A Bank the Tories hate. All the other Banks are so brilliant.
written by j.w., 21 November 2013
Harvard Study: Nuts May Reduce Risk of Death
Welcome news to porn stars.
written by Tony Bagodonutz, 21 November 2013
David Cameron Accidently Follows A High-Class Escort Agency And Other 'Inappropriate' Accounts On Twitter
'There used to be automated following of every account that followed David, however unsuitable,' said Number 10. 'The escort agency is OK, but we are urgently unfollowing dozens of Tory backbenchers.'
written by Swan Morrison, 21 November 2013
Pope Sighted
Ex-Pope Ratzinger was spotted yesterday having a hamburger with Elvis Presley at a Memphis roadside cafe.
written by Auntie Matter, 21 November 2013
No National Launch for McRib Amid Menu Changeup
A lot of stoners are, like, really bummed about this one dude.
written by Tony Bagodonutz, 21 November 2013
Gold Bars Worth $1 Million Found In Plane Lavatory
News that is definitely "worth a sh#t!"
written by Tony Bagodonutz, 21 November 2013
Pilots and Controllers to be Screened by FAA for Sleep Apnea
Well, probably a good idea now that commercial flight is out of the early stages.
written by Tony Bagodonutz, 21 November 2013
Church Pastor Upset at Costco Classifying Bible as "Fiction"
The discount chain has met opponents half-way by reclassifying the book as "creative nonfiction."
written by Tony Bagodonutz, 21 November 2013
Utah Town Forgets to Hold an Election
"Well . . . these things happen," says local guy.
written by Tony Bagodonutz, 21 November 2013
Arkansas Police Respond!
Apparently there was a massive shooting today down on the firing range. "The President will use this against us", says NRA man.
written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
Indian Holy Men Release Serenity on Pakistani Militants
Pakistani Muslim Terrorists have accused India of releasing serenity on their troops. "The idiots stare at the sun until their car explodes", says al-Qaeda leader...but somehow, I don't care. Ommmmmm!
written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
Crazy Hare-Lipped Eddie Has Best Car Bargains
Dere day are! Weed dot de Bardens! Dotay at Are-Lipped Eddits!! Tome tee hus!!!
written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
Study: Video Games Don't Negatively Impact Kids' Behavior
Just because they try to butcher and eat their victim before the other players, doesn't mean that it's dangerous. Competing is good for kids.
written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
CIA Checks Mysterious Box
CIA agents blow up mysterious big box found on the floor of the House of Representatives today. "It was full of Viagra & Caffeine", stated a CIA spokesman. "It was definitely an old stimulus package."
written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
Obama says he wants to visit Hiroshima in future.
"I'll do all that bowing again and apologize but we need them to excuse our debt."
written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
Terrorists Here!
EXCLUSIVE: 'Dozens' of Terrorists May Be in US as Refugees! Police questioning Tom Petty about his song lyrics.
written by Bureau, 21 November 2013
