Old Hippy Glad Woodstock Was In The Rain
"Just a few outdoor portable potties. Once the rain came, there were sighs everywhere."
Sticker shock often follows insurance cancellation
Then you get shock treatments, out early for shock probation. These are shocking times.
Severe storm stretches from Texas to Northeast
"Found a big ten-gallon hat in my front yard this morning", says Massachusetts resident, Arnold Lemon.
American Arrested in France
I know they are allowed to pinch a gal or a guy on the cheek but that drunk old fart had a bad aim and pinched my balls.
Americans Definitely Getting Fatter
New book "How To Wipe Your Tail When You Can't Reach It" by Kirstie Alley reaches the Top Ten Bestsellers.
Hubble helps discover new planet almost like Earth's twin!
The new recently launched space telescope has already found another earth-like planet, only difference is that Wiley Coyote has consumed over 400 roadrunners in their cartoons. He really is a genius.
Smothers Brothers Listen In
After bugging parents house: "See. You heard it with your own ears. Mom ALWAYS liked you the best!"
Cable TV Dropping Like Flies #2
People are dropping cable, satellite & the internet to listen into bugging devices they are purchasing illegally. "We paid $300 & all we hear is your old man farting whenever your Mum leaves the room.
Cable TV Dropping Like Flies
People are dropping cable and even the internet to listen into bugging devices they are now purchasing illegally. "Did you hear what your Mama just called me?"
Hillary Clinton Sounding Presidential
"We must make a move on Iran soon or it will be too late. They will have nucklar weapons ready to go! What? What? Why is everyone laughing?"
Pumpkins 'stuffed full with cocaine' seized at Canadian airport
Police became suspicious when Pumpkins tried to go through customs
written by ExiledRoyal, 02 November 2013
High School Segregates Students at Lunch Based on Grades.
Principal: "Remember, you blockheads take your lunch outside and sit on those concrete benches near the dumpster."
Jacksonville Loses Again!
This one doesn't count as an official loss since it was against Bluford High School for practice game, Bluford 42, Jacksonville 3.
Top Hospital Suspends Black Lung Program
Coal miners told sickness not caused by decades underground. Sounds like Obamacare is already at it.
China to end use of prisoners' organs for transplants in mid-2014
"Meanwhile, we have a two-for-one sale", say exporters! "You guys know what I mean?"
Obama to Congress: end 'manufactured crises'
"How can we when most of our manufacturers have gone elsewhere?", replies Congress.
Jaguars WR Blackmon suspended indefinitely
"Lucky devil", say other team members.
Food Banks getting ready for a run!
"I hope everybody loves rice and beans because that will be the only things left after the dust settles", says manager. "Want to contribute? #1 Peanut butter. #2. Jelly. Everybody wants that."
Beware Crooked Health Care
Government warning citizens about fake health insurance calling asking for money. So far, more people have signed up for Wedontcare than Obamacare. "Saved $100" say many!
The Jonas Brothers Split Up
They say it's over all those fake stupid stories on the Spoof about them breaking up.
New pill could solve Missouri's meth problem
Pill makers used in meth take out meds and replace them with explosives. (Regular pills behind counter.)
Security Camera at Local McDonald's Shows No Break-ins
However, the videos over six months show average loyal customers gaining average of fifteen pounds each. NSA say their cameras show the same thing.
Maine's volcanoes (yes, Maine) among world's biggest
"Don't worry", says Home Security. "We have Jessica Fletcher keeping a close eye one them."
Obamacare glitches are "just the tip of the iceberg," GOP says
"Lettuce dig deeper", say congressman Dan Coats.
Cruz's dad: Send Obama back to Kenya
Relatives there say they may protest if this happens.
The week's best photographs
"I apologize, they're in my other purse", says reporter, (on her last day at work.)
Obamacare had 6 early takers #2
No one in Washington DC has signed on at last report. But it's only been talked about for almost 5 years.
Obamacare had 6 early takers
Thus far, President himself hasn't signed up. "President called in over 200 times, never got through.
Mayor upset over crack accusations
"OK OK! I'll buy special made pants that stretch more!!"
Mac and cheese to be less yellow
Thus far, only a little over a hundred suicides over the announcement.
'Third sex' recognized legally
Even if it's not on your wedding night or during honeymoon.
On Facebook, a growing teenage wasteland
Most say they are no longer interested in 'who wore what to where, happy birthday, here's an old pic of your great great grandprune!'
300-lb. NFL lineman teased off team?
After letting loose a high-pitched, very loud scream when a mouse ran from under his locker.
Taliban leader reported killed, again
"These guys are tougher to bring down than bin Laden", says trooper. "We have to kill them twice."
African pirates rake in millions
"We Arrrrrrrrrrrr ready to take on bigger spoils", says leaderrrr!
The Bad Bank has to stand in the corner. The Good Bank has to carry on until the Bad Bank has learnt to behave itself.
written by j.w., 02 November 2013
There Goes U.S. Last Friend
Israel 'furious' with White House for leak on Syria strike.