Sarah Palin to Pope, you're much too liberal
Pope Francis to Sarah Palin: "If you say so, Snuckums!"
written by Bureau, 12 November 2013
Clinton to Obama: Keep your promise
Hillary gave you 8 years and now it;s her turn. Stop screwing with the health care and economy.
written by Bureau, 12 November 2013
Intel agency seeks facial recognition upgrade.
Good luck. I didn't even recognize my mother after her last session.
written by Bureau, 12 November 2013
True Facts From Snoops #2288
According to Snoops: John David Therman invented the Rotisserie Chicken after seeing his grandmother wringing one's neck before cooking it for supper in the 1940's.
written by Bureau, 12 November 2013
Heathrow Airport Price Increases
A pint of beer will now cost £15.99 at Heathrow Airport. Patrons will be able to pay by installments. "So few people pass through here," explained an official.
written by Auntie Matter, 12 November 2013
Kate Middleton's Phone Hacked.
London: Scotland Yard has confirmed that Ms. Middleton's phone has been hacked. Alexei Oblomov of Omsk, Russian satellite technician, denies that it was him.
written by Auntie Matter, 12 November 2013
Ten incredible landmarks you haven't seen
Still not seeing them? Well, just keep watching. Meanwhile, check out all these ads.
written by Bureau, 12 November 2013
Making corn-based ethanol badly hurting environment:
Better left for all the whiskey makers.
written by Bureau, 12 November 2013
Favorite Study For Members of the Louisville Cardinals
The Poetry of Peewee Herman. Second: How to Make a Swimming Pool in the Hallway from Old Water Beds!
written by Bureau, 12 November 2013
True Facts From Snoops #686
According to Snoops: In Poland, every other baby is born with the ability to play the accordion.
written by Bureau, 12 November 2013
True Facts From Snoops #196
According to Snoops: Three different members of the original group "Hair" were bald, but wore wigs. In fact, it was originally called "Wigs!"
written by Bureau, 12 November 2013
ESPN Dropping Several Shows
Including "Interview With The Puck" and "The Curling Playoffs".
written by Bureau, 12 November 2013
Why teens not wearing condoms
"Because parents and teachers tell us to use them. If you want better results, tell us not to wear them", says one teen in poll.
written by Bureau, 12 November 2013
Wal-Mart holiday deals start at 6 p.m.
May continue into January of next year...June.
written by Bureau, 12 November 2013
Clinton to Obama: Keep your promise
President: "Which one? I made several hundred."
written by Bureau, 12 November 2013
Rush is on to get health care under old insurance plans
Obamacare pushing many people into catastrophic insurance only with high deductible. Docs may drop insurance altogether, save almost half by not having to get forms filled out.
written by Bureau, 12 November 2013
World set to heat up despite clean-energy efforts
Combination of fossil fuels in China, undeveloped countries, Baby Boomers smoking joints, so many having hot flashes, etc all add to the warming.
written by Bureau, 12 November 2013
New, Definitive Proof Will Put An End To Further Crackpot Theories About The Death of JFK, Say Researchers
'Advanced computer analysis of the original footage from Dallas shows without doubt that JFK put a gun to his own head,' the leader of the new research team told reporters. 'It was suicide!'
written by Swan Morrison, 12 November 2013
Keep This News Off Limits
Climate change responsible for Phillipines disaster
written by j.w., 12 November 2013
True Facts From Snoops #104
According to Snoops: Until PETA came along, almost every single Ed Sullivan Show featured "The Dancing Chickens".
written by Bureau, 12 November 2013
True Facts From Snoops #1010
According to Snoops: Today's biggest fear is a nuclear war. During the 1950-90's, it was public speaking. During the 1030's -1940's, it was 'Fear Itself".
written by Bureau, 12 November 2013
Exercise during pregnancy may boost baby's brain development
Also, kicking ability while inside mother's stomach.
written by Bureau, 12 November 2013
Study: PG-13 gun violence rivals that of R movies
But Hollywood assures the public that this has zero effect on children. "Not like that stupid NRA!"
written by Bureau, 12 November 2013
Perry calls for compromise within GOP: 'If you can't win elections, you can't govern'
Conservatives quickly jot that down. "What an idea?", states one.
written by Bureau, 12 November 2013
New Drone Can Fly, Swim, Drive.
Do the hokey-pokey. Military commanders everywhere drooling over tests of a 'new Army'.
written by Bureau, 12 November 2013
Head of Air Force Sexual Assault Prevention Unit -- Charged with Groping Woman.
"Just trying to get the feel of my new office", he tells police. "I need to see it up front and close."
written by Bureau, 12 November 2013
New Colorado? Rural voters approve secession idea.
Population would probably double overnight.
written by Bureau, 12 November 2013
Most people upset over spending so much time, money on Global Warming!
"If they don't get control of nuclear weapons soon, the warming part will come very quickly to those being blasted!"
written by Bureau, 12 November 2013
Climate panel must correct numbers -- again.
Numbers don't add up if you look at long range global warming so they will have to pick a shorter period where it has increased, drop the rest.
written by Bureau, 12 November 2013
UN drafts dire report on global warming
"We're at the stage where the water is lukewarm for us frauds...frogs", says reporter who has seen it.
written by Bureau, 12 November 2013
'Homeland' Funds Installation of White Boxes That Can Track Population of Entire City
Look for required ear tags soon.
written by Bureau, 12 November 2013
Carrying bottle of vegetable juice has become new status symbol.
New catch-phrase: "Wow! I could have been carrying around a bottle of vegetable juice." V8 considering a lawsuit.
written by Bureau, 12 November 2013
Administration tally to include those who have not yet purchased plans.
Or those who have heard the word "Obamacare". Actually, there have been 3% sign-up.
written by Bureau, 12 November 2013
Arctic Air Brings First Snowflakes to Philly, NYC.
Hard to believe that these are the first snowflakes these cities have ever seen.
written by Bureau, 12 November 2013
Revealed: Iranian supreme leader's $95 billion business empire.
"I'm saving up to purchase California, once she goes belly-up!"
written by Bureau, 12 November 2013
Obamacare Gets Another Black Eye!
On page 12,556, left side of page, paragraph three, people have discovered that it does not cover twerking!
written by Bureau, 12 November 2013
