There were 343 spoof news snippets published in October 2012. A selection of the best rated snippets is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.
Third Grade Teacher Overrules Company's Spelling
SHELBY, MT--Ms. Torbitt doesn't care where 9-year-old Chris Spacer's dad works, 'Wearhouse' is not the correct spelling.
written by rvler9201, 16 October 2012
Woman wondering if that's an extra period or unfinished ellipsis
BROOKLINE, MA--Amy Tripwaller wasn't sure if her friend's text, 'That made my day..see you tonight' contained a two dot ellipsis or an extra period, but she wasn't about to ask, either.
written by rvler9201, 10 October 2012
London mansion on offer for £300million!
The 45-bedroom seven-storey house overlooking Hyde Park is being discreetly offered to a select list of international billionaires.
"Please don't contact me, I'm content in me two-up two-down hovel!"
written by Inchcock, 02 October 2012
David Cameron visits Wormwood Scrubs
"Oh what a missed opportunity to lose the keys...!"
written by Inchcock, 24 October 2012
Rolling Stones London gigs sell out in three minutes.
I couldn't get no satisfaction!
written by radiogagger, 20 October 2012
OAPs to be means-tested for bus passes!
Tory Cabinet Minister Liam Fox called for "radical" cuts in the country's welfare budget to help fund a series of tax reductions for businesses.
"Come on then... start with me!"
written by Inchcock, 30 October 2012
Some two dozen topless women protested in New York!
24 topless women protested in a New York on a hot, Sunday: What they called "National Go-Topless Day" to draw attention to inequality in topless rights between men and women.
"Damn, I missed it!"
written by Inchcock, 01 October 2012
Does Britain Need Police Commissioners?
"No, it but it badly needs Police Officers!"
written by Inchcock, 23 October 2012
Cameron: Charities to keep lags out of prison
He says: Companies will only be paid by results.
The Government ministers should get the same treatment!
written by Inchcock, 23 October 2012
They Think Its All Over!
Statistics says the UK is finally out of recession after a 1% growth in GDP over the last 3 months.
David Cameron today ordered everyone to have a street party - with no red tape, but lots of bunting
written by radiogagger, 25 October 2012
Boris Johnson: Keeping People Employed
Boris Johnson is to be congratulated for keeping the emergency services well employed after being rescued from a zip wire over the Thames to launch poppy appeal.
written by IN SEINE, 30 October 2012
Al Qaeda Much Older Than Previously Thought
Historians have found secret documents which clearly show that the gunpowder plot was actually the work of Al Qaeda leader Guy Fawkes who was the great-great-grandfather of Osama bin Laden.
written by IN SEINE, 31 October 2012
Star Sign
I asked a friend what sign she was conceived under. She said that she was conceived under a no parking sign in a car park in Milton Keynes.
written by IN SEINE, 06 October 2012
A Penny For Your Thoughts And A Pound For Your Pants
Mums are now the main bread winners in 25% of British homes. On a different note prostitution is on the rise all over England.
written by Backandtotheleft, 11 October 2012
European Union Win Nobel Peace Prize
… This proves that the judges in Finland have a sense of humour!
written by IN SEINE, 13 October 2012
Maine still boring despite the prostitutes
Kennebunkport thought it was the only Maine town with some excitement since it's the summer home to George H.W. Bush. But it can't hold a candle to neighboring Kennebunk--they have prostitutes!
written by Lyndon, 14 October 2012
Met Police to sell iconic Scotland Yard building to save money
They could always move into the Olympic Stadium.
Its currently empty and all paid for.
written by radiogagger, 31 October 2012
Woman from France receives €11,721,000,000,000,000 phone bill
I bet she was calling her sister again.
written by radiogagger, 12 October 2012
Nike ends sponsorship with Lance Armstrong
In a way, they're partly responsible for the whole shenanigans - with a catchphrase like 'Just Do It'
written by radiogagger, 17 October 2012
Tory MP Andrew Mitchell resigns as Chief Whip
Know known as Chief Drip.
written by radiogagger, 19 October 2012
David Cameron visits Wormwood Scrubs
Perhaps he went on a visit to see his ex MPs and other cheating friends?
written by Inchcock, 23 October 2012
Alaska fisherman survives 26 hours floating in fish crate!
Ryan Harris 19, survived for a day floating on frigid ocean waters in a plastic fish crate after his boat sank and said he kept up his spirits by singing Row row row the boat!
Good for him!
written by Inchcock, 02 October 2012
Charity to change name after bad publicity.
Following bad publicity, the Lance Armstrong Foundation is to be renamed The Jimmy Saville Foundation. Coincidentally the Jimmy Saville Foundation is to be renamed the Lance Armstrong Foundation.
written by radiogagger, 12 October 2012
Real or Simulated World Test
Scientists announced today that they have devised a test which can tell you if you are living in a real or a simulated world. 100% of politicians have failed which proves their test is correct!
written by IN SEINE, 26 October 2012
Scientists discover 86 year old nymphomaniac called Volga Olga!
Scientists have discovered a Russian 86 year old nymphomaniac called Volga Olga in a Siberian forest! She is the oldest nympho in the world and has no intention of retiring; just yet!
written by unknown
Boris V Cameron
Boris Johnson said he might make a better PM that Cameron. Right now a dead squirrel on a stick would be a better PM than Cameron.
written by Backandtotheleft, 08 October 2012
Vinnie Jones; hard with his Russians and soft with his missus!
Hard-man,Vinnie Jones, has been caught having a "hard" time with Russian beauties and his wife kicked him out. Vinnie has promised to become soft because a divorce can be expensive and very "hard"!
written by unknown
German Twitter bans German Nazi "twits"!
Twitter in Germany have banned Nazis from spreading their evil messages in Germany, but Twitter global have not! So hold on to you tin helmets; Made in Germany can still Blitzkrieg you!
written by unknown
Topless Ukrainian women have the front to bare it all!
Topless womens rights protestors in Kiev have proven that Ukrainian women are not just sex toys for their men because they have the "bare necessities" and now they've got it off of their chests!
written by unknown
Pakistan Ends Its Traditional Elephant Races
Its all Angry Bird nowadays.
written by radiogagger, 12 October 2012
Jaquie Smith guest on Sky News Press Preview
I imagine her husband was sitting at home watching a 'DVD'. Just this time, not on expenses...
written by radiogagger, 25 October 2012
IKEA apologize for removing women from Saudi Arabia catalogue
They're still available in the underground, late night, street corner, version of the catalogue though.
written by radiogagger, 03 October 2012
Man Discovers Way of Making Fortune Out Of Electricity Company
A man took up the offer of £10 discount on his bill for every new customer he referred to them. In just days he has managed to accrue 600 new customers meaning the electric supplier owe him £6,000.
written by IN SEINE, 30 October 2012
Google advert on comedy website leads to confusion.
Mr Danton of Cambridge Heath was disappointed today when he realized the advert for 'Date 50+ women' was in fact for women aged over 50, not 50 different women.
written by radiogagger, 31 October 2012
Ally McCoist says fans should allowed to invest in Rangers
Yeah, because it worked out so well for the last investors...
written by radiogagger, 31 October 2012
Disney buy rights to next George Lucas films
Coming Soon - Mickey Mouse, Goofy and Pluto in Space...
written by radiogagger, 31 October 2012
Man claims groupon is a rip-off
"I ordered a Thai bride from Groupon, and when she arrived she looked nothing like the girl in the picture!"
written by radiogagger, 08 October 2012
What Boris Really Means When He Called David Cameron a Broom
London Mayor, Boris Johnson called David Cameron a broom saying that he sweeps up Labour's mess. What he really means is that David Cameron is related to Basil Brush… BROOM BROOM!
written by IN SEINE, 09 October 2012
Man Discovers Way of Making Fortune Out Of Electricity Company
A man took up the offer of £10 discount on his bill for every new customer he referred to them. In just days he has managed to accrue 600 new customers meaning the electric supplier owe him £6,000.
written by IN SEINE, 30 October 2012
David Blaine Charged!
Stuntman, David Blaine has been charged for not paying the electricity bill for having 1 million faults surround his body for 72 hours. Was it all worth it?
written by IN SEINE, 09 October 2012
Best name for a wireless network
The names on WiFi routers can be changed, although most don't bother. During a routine check, police in Poole found an unprotected router the owner claimed had never been hacked, its name? Honey Trap.
written by IainB, 09 October 2012
Bad Habit?
A woman dressed as a nun was caught on CCTV in a shop in America stealing several cans of beer and hiding them in her robes. She is thought to be a habitual thief.
written by IN SEINE, 10 October 2012
Police fail to deal with suspected break-in at HM Treasury
A suspected break-in at HM Treasury could not be dealt with by the police because because it took 10 police officers to separate 2 cats fighting and the back of number 10! Taxpayers will pay the bill
written by IN SEINE, 17 October 2012
Illegal Immigrant Trying to Enter Spain Disguised As Car Seat
An illegal immigrant tried to enter Spain disguised as a car seat. He had to give himself up when the 22 stone woman sitting on him, FARTED. However, DFS are interested in employing him in their adverts.
written by IN SEINE, 01 October 2012
Government to Ban Import of Ashtrays
As from Monday, the UK government will be banning the import of ash trays.
written by IN SEINE, 25 October 2012
Mistaken Report
InSeine News wrongly reported that the UK government will be banning the import of ash trays. The Forestry Commission have pointed out that it should read ASH TREES .
written by IN SEINE, 26 October 2012
Music Graduate Gets Job As Human Scarecrow
A music graduate from Norfolk has got a job as a human scarecrow. The big problem is that he is often mistaken as London mayor, Boris Johnson.
written by IN SEINE, 07 October 2012
David Cameron joins Twitter.
Just two years after telling a radio interview that too many tweets make a tw*t.
written by radiogagger, 08 October 2012
Rihanna offers to babysit Snooki's baby
What could possibly go wrong?
written by radiogagger, 08 October 2012
Lady Gaga wears witch outfit to visit Julian Assange in Ecudorian Embassy
Perhaps she got a fancy dress party invitation from Julian Clary and the apple maps app sent her to the wrong place?
written by radiogagger, 09 October 2012
Boris Johnson calls David Cameron a 'broom'
He told delegates at the Tory Conference that Cameron is sweeping up Labours mess.
Sweeping up the mess - manual labour - don't Tories hire plebs to do that for them?
written by radiogagger, 09 October 2012
Social workers slam Eastenders storyline
Only 27 years late!
written by radiogagger, 09 October 2012
MP calls for inquiry into Newcastle United sponsorship
Ian Lavery, MP for Wansbeck asks the Football Association to investigate Radio DJ Terry Wonga Pay Day Loans sponsoring Newcastle United.
written by radiogagger, 09 October 2012
Justin Lee Collins found not funny.
He's been ordered to doo 140 hours writing to improve his material.
written by radiogagger, 09 October 2012
A Coast Call
A tourist who dropped his I-Phone between rocks at the beach rang the Coastguard. Didn't realize voice activated control was so advanced.
written by Backandtotheleft, 09 October 2012
Football Association unveil Centre of Excellence
The FA decided to go with the name Centre of Excellence rather than the first choice name Centre of Averageness.
written by radiogagger, 09 October 2012
French Woman receives €11,721,000,000,000,000 phone bill
The telecom company have admitted it was a mis-print.
President Hollande has sent her a super tax 75% bill, just in case.
written by radiogagger, 12 October 2012
Poland v England match rained off.
I thought the rain stayed mainly in Spain! (or Ukraine)
written by radiogagger, 17 October 2012
Frankie Boyle sues the Daily Mirror after they called him racist
Rancid maybe, but not racist.
written by radiogagger, 17 October 2012
European Union wins Nobel Peace Prize
Narrowly pipping The Womens Union and the African Cup of Nations.
The Open Top bus tour has been planned for next monday.
written by radiogagger, 17 October 2012
Andrew Mitchell gets new Parliament nickname
After his 'plebgate' gaff, the Tory Chief Whip is now known as the Chief Drip.
written by radiogagger, 17 October 2012
Heather Watson first Brit to win Womens Tennis title in 24 years!
She's doing so well, she can now afford to give up her part-time work as a Jessica Ennis lookalike...
written by radiogagger, 17 October 2012
Website offers advice on translating texts from men
"hmmmm ok, whatever"
Do your best website!
written by radiogagger, 17 October 2012
Government bars release of Prince Charles letters
I think Charlie was embarrassed they were all written in green ink.
written by radiogagger, 17 October 2012
Rik Mayall and Adrian Edmondson abandon plans for Bottom revival
The Bottom revival has gone Bottoms up.
written by radiogagger, 17 October 2012
Sky TV bills used to nab benefit cheats
A woman claiming to live alone with kids caught out by sports package. She admitted it was all lies when asked to explain the offside system.
written by radiogagger, 17 October 2012
Gary McKinnon avoids extradition to US for hacking case
Rumours that he hacked into the computer of Theresa Mays speech and policy writer have been hushed up, I mean played down.
written by radiogagger, 17 October 2012
John Terry won't appeal against ban
The Chelsea captain will use the time away from the game to answer Nick Griffin's call to protest the home of a gay couple who won damages from a guest house who had refused them a double bed.
written by John_L, 19 October 2012
Team GB Bronze medals stolen from nightclub
Police investigating the theft of two Team GB Olympic bronze Medals have made an arrest.
A spokesman for Lance Armstrong has denied any involvement.
written by radiogagger, 25 October 2012
Obama becomes first President in history to vote in advance of election day
Well at least SOMEONES made their mind up!
written by radiogagger, 25 October 2012
Audrey Harrison decides not to quit boxing
"83 seconds of work every few months? Whats not to like!"
written by radiogagger, 25 October 2012
Lady Gaga wears THAT Liz Hurley dress
In an exchange deal, Hurley will now try on Gaga's bacon dress for size...
written by radiogagger, 03 October 2012
Aussie tv programme follows student selling her virginity
The Brazilian student eventually sold her soul, sorry virginity for $780,000 to a Japanese man after a bidding war.
A year earlier she could have got double that from Jimmy Savile.
written by radiogagger, 26 October 2012
Frankenstorm approaches land
President Obama mobilizes contingency plans that President Romney would cut.
written by John_L, 28 October 2012
Americans prepare for natural disaster Mitt
The economic and foreign policy calamities that Mitt will cause could last for decades.
written by John_L, 29 October 2012
Phew, that was close.
Frankenstein's monster tops Halloween Poll, entire coalition came a close second!
written by Herrdoktorfox, 29 October 2012
Afghan headbangers in Kabul headbang it!
A heavy metal concert in Kabul has proven that Afghan headbangers can do it as good as the rest of the world; only the miserable Taliban refused to participate because of their turbans!
written by unknown
Deutsche Dominatrix, Dirty Dagmar, dies whipping!
Dirty Dagmar, infamous German dominatrix, has died whipping the hell out of the previous world whipping record and has been entered into the Guiness book of records as "Chief Whip"!
written by unknown
Chavez vows to honor any favorable election results
Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez Frias promised to honor the results of this weekend's election, regardless of the results, provided that the results showed him to be the victor.
written by Lyndon, 07 October 2012
Ilfracombe Is to Be Twinned with New York
New York is to be twinned with Ilfracombe in Devon after it was gifted with a statue called Verity (who just happens to be a 65ft tall bronze figure of a naked and pregnant women, carrying a sword!)
written by IN SEINE, 08 October 2012
Savile Row Shock at BBC
Savile Row trousers found smeared with semen at BBC canteen!
written by j.w., 10 October 2012
When Irish eyes are smiling it must be those Oil billions!
Irish eyes are smiling once again after it was confirmed that billions of barrels of oil have been found there! The US have sent their troops in to secure the fields just in case the Brits invade!
written by unknown
Lance Armstrong did it, but now prove it!
Lance Armstrong did it, in fact he's admitted it, but now prove it!! Therefore he remains innocent just like O.J.Simpson was proven innocent, so who really gives a f++k!
written by unknown
Conservative Central Office Supports Andrew Mitchell
'Andrew Mitchell meant no offence,' said a Party spokesman. 'The word "Pleb" derives from Latin. He honestly believed that those state school Neanderthals would never understand what he was saying.'
written by Swan Morrison, 12 October 2012
Romney attempts to woo Transgendered voters
GOP candidate Mitt Romney used last nights debate to reach out to Trans Men. However Trans groups were dismayed that he called them Women in Binders.
written by John_L, 17 October 2012
"Ticket's please..you bastard!"
George Osborne and his aid caught sitting in first class railway seats with 'standard class tickets. "You don't expect us to sit with the ordinary people do you" says aid before paying the top-up fare
written by Herrdoktorfox, 19 October 2012
Sugar in hot water over 'Young Apprentice' comment
Lord Sugar has been criticized by kids groups after an off the cuff remark about this years 'Young Apprentice'. Talking to a BBC producer he said "I wish Sir Jim was around to deal with some of them."
written by John_L, 20 October 2012
Milton Keynes Vacuum Cleaner Thief Makes Full Recovery.
A Milton Keynes man who stole a cordless vacuum cleaner by eating it was taken to hospital today. A hospital spokeswoman said that: "he is picking up well!"
written by IN SEINE, 22 October 2012
Cameron: I was right not to sack Andrew Mitchell
"Of course you were right... as nepotists go that is!"
written by Inchcock, 23 October 2012
"Blood" Rain Expected This Week
In what could be a Halloween trick or treat, blood has been forecast to rain over parts of Milton Keynes. However, many people will be expecting it in vain!
written by IN SEINE, 23 October 2012
Chair bites old man in Hollywood
A folding chair has collapsed under Clint Eastwood for the third time this week. It is seen as part of a revenge plot by chairs after his rant at the RNC. Eastwood has taken to using leaning boards.
written by John_L, 01 October 2012
Cost-cutting consultants tell hospital...
To axe 40 jobs and give staff huge pay cuts.
Accountants Ernst & Young pocketed £2,647,252.80 for the advice while accounts show management consultants Finnamore got £495,098.57!
"Eh?"
written by Inchcock, 02 October 2012
Government does U-turn on trainline
Not as easy as it sounds on a train track.
written by radiogagger, 03 October 2012
Justin Lee Collins denies court claims
"I look nothing like Sir Jim'll"
written by radiogagger, 03 October 2012
Europe beat USA to win the Ryder Cup
Mitt Romney has asked the Europeans for advice on amazing comebacks of sizemick proportions.
written by radiogagger, 03 October 2012
Team Europe beat USA in the Ryder Cup
Europe came back from 10-4 down on Day 2 to win 14-13.
They won't be inviting us back in a hurry.
written by radiogagger, 03 October 2012
Whole Hazelnuts!!
Quote of the day from Ed Miliband:
"One in four of us will have a mental illness at some point in our lifetime"
In your case cobber it would appear that you drew the short straw at an early stage!!
written by Herrdoktorfox, 29 October 2012
Daily Mirror faces four phone-hacking cases during Piers Morgan editorship
When asked for a comment, Morgan refused just before being spotted boarding the Lady Ghislaine yacht formerly owned by Robert Maxwell.
written by radiogagger, 31 October 2012
