There were 163 spoof news snippets published in December 2012. A selection of the best rated snippets is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.

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December 2012 Prophecy Was Correct!

Experts now believe the Mayan prophecy about a large comet-like planet being linked to the end of time in December 2012 referred to this week's closure of Comet's remaining electrical retail stores.

written by Tommy Twinkle, 21 December 2012

Wise Words!

Piers Morgan's 'New American Constitution' goes on sale at all good book shops across America from next week. His 'New Improved Holy Bible' is expected to be on the shelves in time for Easter 2013.

written by Tommy Twinkle, 28 December 2012

It's The Thought That Counts!

The Prime Minister's 'anything for me' to his postman this morning has at last brought a 'yes' reply. He said later, 'It's only a small one but at least it's a Christmas card.'

written by Tommy Twinkle, 22 December 2012

The Morning After The Mayan Prophecy

Apparently, the Jell-O chocolate pudding placated the gods of the Mayan prophecy.

written by K.C. Bell, 22 December 2012

Petition calls for Piers Morgan to be deported from US

Oi! We don't want him back over here!

written by radiogagger, 26 December 2012

Jewish Book Festival cancelled

Apparently nobody wanted to buy copies of the books - they either wanted a free copy from a friend of a friend, stood in WH Smiths reading it for an hour, or they borrowed from the library...

written by radiogagger, 31 December 2012

McKinnon 'health grounds' revealed to be 'hacking cough'

more soon...

written by Crunk, 15 December 2012

New 'Warmer' Christmas Day Announced For Britain!

David Cameron has announced a change to the calendar. From now on 25 December becomes 25 June. He said Boxing Day will still fall on 26 December but will now come the day after the readjusted 25 June!

written by Tommy Twinkle, 07 December 2012

Apple chief takes a smaller bite

The boss of Apple saw his pay package including stock options drop 99% from $378m last year to just $4.12m this year. TOUGH TIMES INDEED.

written by radiogagger, 29 December 2012

Christmas Message from the World Wide Web

Wet Windy Weather

written by j.w., 22 December 2012

DirectGov website Hosts Fake Job Advert For Wannabe James Bonds

The bad news is that Dean Gaffney has told the Sun newspaper he has applied for the job.

written by radiogagger, 31 December 2012

Pop Group of the Year


written by j.w., 28 December 2012

BBC Portray Alfred Hitchcock As Sexual Predator

The BBC are being criticised as they portray Alfred Hitchcock as a sexual predator - at the same time, made no comment about INCHCOCK

written by IN SEINE, 26 December 2012

Chelsea 8 Aston Villa 0

The matchday announcer at Stamford Bridge has asked for a Christmas bonus and pay increase because of the extra work involved v Aston Villa.

written by radiogagger, 26 December 2012


The brother of a former Eastenders actress amits to having killed her...true, she was a lousy actress but strewth cobber, that's taking it a bit too far don't you think mate!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 07 December 2012

Cameron in Afghanistan at Christmas

He must have picked up a late deal at Thomson lucky sod!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 22 December 2012

Boris Johnson and Starbucks are in corporation!

Boris Johnson and Starbucks agree and are in "Corporation" Boris said; "You pay your taxes and I'll give you some free press exposure because I am so famous!" The perfect pair; Beans and Boris!

written by Jaggedone, 16 December 2012

Wayne Rooney's new video game out now

Pre-Evolution Soccer

written by ExiledRoyal, 10 December 2012

Argentina Furious As Disputed Antarctic Territory Renamed 'Queen Elizabeth Land'

'We have every right to rename that area,' said UK Foreign Secretary, William Hague, 'in the same way that we have renamed the Upyoursargentina Islands, previously known as the Falklands.'

written by Swan Morrison, 22 December 2012

Egg and Chicken ordered through Royal Mail

We'll never know

written by ExiledRoyal, 09 December 2012

Plebiscite on Plebs

The Government is organising a Plebiscite on whether Adrian Mitchell called the Police Plebs.

written by j.w., 20 December 2012

Oceans rising at alarming rate--Santa will need a jet ski next year

With the polar ice cap melting at highest rate in history, Santa and his elves will have less livable area next year. Snowmobiles may need to give way to jet skis. "I'm such a misfit," said one elf.

written by Lyndon, 26 December 2012

Man eats mattress, duvet and pillow

Wakes up in the morning to find he's shit the bed

written by ExiledRoyal, 02 December 2012

Big freeze warms up!

"The Big Freeze is just warming up so please stay in your snowdrifts until further notice;" The weather man!

written by Jaggedone, 07 December 2012

Batteries needed for vibrators!

After 30 years of marriage a couple attempting to have a steamy sex session decided to use a vibrator unfortunately the thing didn't have batteries and left her cold insted of hot and spicy!

written by Jaggedone, 09 December 2012

Sheepskin wearing monkey bookies new favorite.

A monkey named Darwin who was spotted shopping at Ikea in Toronto is the new favorite to be the next Chelsea manager. "In that sheepskin coat he looks a bit like John Motson" A Chelsea fan said.

written by John_L, 11 December 2012

Dirty money or dirty laundry? Go to HSBC!

The US have fined HSBC for being as clean as a whistle whilst laundering filthy money from drug cartels and rogue nations! It was easy; they own the joint!

written by Jaggedone, 11 December 2012

Shops Relying On Aftermath Of Mayan Apocalypse

'Consumer spending is down as we approach Christmas,' confirmed a Retail Association spokesman. 'However, we expect an upturn on the 22nd from panic Christmas buying by ex-Mayan apocalypse believers.'

written by Swan Morrison, 15 December 2012

"Are you a breast or leg man, cobber?"

Don't invite drug addicts round for a meal on Boxing Day as they may find the offer of cold turkey embarrassing or offensive.

written by Herrdoktorfox, 21 December 2012

President Obama Announces Guns Reform

"It was simple", said he. "The guns stay... but we have outlawed ammunition. That way they get to play Rambo without killing anybody."

written by Auntie Matter, 22 December 2012

"Piss off sport, I saw it first!"

Shoppers queue for start of Christmas the 99p shop!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 22 December 2012

Italian soccer fan contemplates suicide!

A sad, lonely Udinese fan who stood alone in Genoa was contemplating suicide so he gave the local Samaritans a buzz and they saved his life! They told him his crap club was not worth dying for!

written by Jaggedone, 13 December 2012

Jimmy Savile qizzed by police over Yorkshire Ripper murders

Its a gripping twist to the story, of that there is no doubt.

written by radiogagger, 27 December 2012

Supermarket junk food is healthier than Jamie Oliver's recipes!

It has been proven that supermarket junk food makes you thin and Jamie's makes you fat! The reason is obvious; nobody can swallow the supermarket crap so they spit it out!

written by Jaggedone, 18 December 2012

Cancer scientists admit they were working on the starsign, not the disease

'We found a cure for Cancer, but it involved not being born between 21 June and 22 July. Sorry'.

written by raouldukecommando, 24 December 2012

Blackburn Rovers pantomime entertains football world

Henning Berg sacked as manager after 57 days, 3 days longer than George Entwistle at the BBC. 'Global Advisor' Shebby Singh denies taking training, but continues to sell chicken and flog a dead horse

written by radiogagger, 31 December 2012

Wenger and Benítez swap jobs.

After Chelsea lost to West ham and Arsenal lost to Swansea the two teams decided to swap managers. Rafael Benítez will take charge at Arsenal and Arsene Wenger will take over at Chelsea from Monday.

written by John_L, 01 December 2012

Gay activists demand a Gay Santa!

Global gay activists have had enough and now they are demanding a gay Santa or they will boycott Christmas because the other one is gay all year and only at Christmas is he straight, ask Rudolph!

written by Jaggedone, 03 December 2012

Cannibalism on the rise in homeless people

It has been discovered that homeless people are eating each other to stay alive. Apparently, they've been eating the drug addicts first. "What can I say," said one. "I like junkie food."

written by IainB, 15 December 2012

Keep smiling Ed!

Labour accused of £11bn Black hole, or was it just Ed Milliband mooning?

written by Herrdoktorfox, 22 December 2012

Man trying to turn supermassive black hole discovery into Yo Mama joke

FARMVILLE, VA--Despite an hour-and-a-half of research, Pat Stion is uncertain if scientific terms can accurately convey how gaping Jacob Gulanski's mother's vagina is.

written by rvler9201, 01 December 2012

"I'm Dreaming of a......"

Depressed Norfolk Tory council boss shoots wife then himself....any chance Do-nothing-Dave might do us all a favour?

written by Herrdoktorfox, 05 December 2012

"Anyone seen the Greek?"

A hospital nurse caring for Kate Middleton, who was duped by two Aussie DJ's pretending to be the Queen and Chaz, has 'committed suicide'...not surprising based on what happened to Diana!!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 07 December 2012

Lord McAlpine changes Christmas costume

Lord McAlpine had been due to attend the Tory Xmas do dressed as Krampus. The German apposite of Santa who abducts children and beats them with sticks. He has swapped this for a Gary Glitter costume.

written by John_L, 01 December 2012

Royal Mail say "Christmas deliveries may be delayed"

...while they re-wrap the parcels they haven't nicked

written by ExiledRoyal, 02 December 2012

A dog is for life, not just for Christmas

Experts say it depends whether you remember to put air holes in the box when you wrap it

written by ExiledRoyal, 02 December 2012

Amphetamine Addicts

One more sleep till Christmas

written by ExiledRoyal, 02 December 2012

Train Sets sold out for Christmas

Replacement Bus Service toys still available

written by ExiledRoyal, 02 December 2012

A Taxing Time Ahead?

George 'Abacus' Osborne to take on tax avoiders....strewth, he won't make any friends within the Conservative Party doing that!!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 02 December 2012

The French Connection:3

Famous but ageing French actor, Gerard Depardieu detained after schooter crash, it could have been much worse, he could have totalled his zimmer frame!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 02 December 2012

What's Cooking?

Royal Kate has a bun in the oven..god help her if it's ginger!!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 03 December 2012

Paddy Power are already offering odds on Royal Baby name.

While Elizabeth and Diana are out right favorites for girls one punter has placed a 100-30 bet on the new baby being a future King named Kong.

written by John_L, 03 December 2012

Abramovich speaks out

and tells Chelsea fans "piss off and buy your own club"

written by Paxton Quigley, 04 December 2012

The Simpsons are no Turkish Delight!

The Simpsons have been banned and fined in Turkey for being blasphemous. In one show Satan told Homer to mock God and it was not to the Turks Delight!

written by Jaggedone, 04 December 2012

The Turning Of The Proverbial

Autumn Statement day..Osborne tightens the screw....allied to the upcoming snow as predicted, then we are heading for the 'almost' perfect Dickensian Christmas...cue the kid with crutches!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 05 December 2012

Balotelli, booed by BVB boo boys!

This time he was innocent; Super Mario didn't deserve to be booed off by the BVB boo boys! His shameful, pitiful, money grabbing Man city team mates deserved the Blitzkrieg not Balotelli!

written by Jaggedone, 05 December 2012

Van Helsing:2

Well done Mr Osborne, I reckon you might have just hammered the last nail into the UK economies coffin after that Autumn Statement,watch the High Street vanish before your very eyes...roll on 2013!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 05 December 2012

Royal Wedding available on YouTube

Royal Conception now available on RedTube

written by ExiledRoyal, 05 December 2012

Most people get what's coming to them

say Royal Mail ressuringly

written by ExiledRoyal, 05 December 2012

Royal Mail falls short of its delivery targets

How fucking difficult can it be? Just keep going all the way up the path.

written by ExiledRoyal, 05 December 2012

Economy boomin in UK

Writers at are paying people to read and rate their pissives five stars!

written by Aspartame Boy, 06 December 2012

Lot lot of AK47's in Detroit

Detroit is about to be recognized as a country by the UN, they have killed so many people.

written by Aspartame Boy, 06 December 2012

Cameron backs Gay Marriage in Church.

However the Prime Minister is not sure if he should marry Nick Clegg, Nigel Farage or Boris Johnson in a grim attempt to hold on to power for as long as he possibly can.

written by John_L, 07 December 2012

Up the Pole!

Snow alert: cold weather 'Beast' to hit UK....about time that Yeti purchased a new satnav, talk about lost!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 07 December 2012

Lorry drivers caught watching porn videos on the M1!

During an MI motorway operation several truck drivers were caught watching porno's whilst driving which caused swerving, but only on high-points!

written by Jaggedone, 08 December 2012


No comment needed ask City morons instead!

written by Jaggedone, 09 December 2012

RIP Patrick Moore

Always an eye on the stars, and one on the camera

written by ExiledRoyal, 09 December 2012

'50 Shades of Grey' now available in Braille

Free lessons for blind women on how to read with only their left hand

written by ExiledRoyal, 09 December 2012

Woman thrown off X-Factor for being mentally unstable

Akin to throwing a contestant off University Challenge for being a virgin

written by ExiledRoyal, 09 December 2012

"You Rang M'Lud?"

So, lets get this straight, it's OK for a TV show, Fonejacker, to ring members of the public and wind them up...but if you do it to the Royal Mafia seemingly you are dead meat.....democracy UK style!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 10 December 2012

BA attempt to shag Virgin!

BA have attempted to shag Virgin but Sir Richard Branson refuses to open his legs!

written by Jaggedone, 10 December 2012

It all adds up!

2011 Census reveals: Rise in Immigrants boosts shit Sherlock!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 11 December 2012

Hoax callers 'to kill Clarkson'

Australian DJs who caused a suicide by prank-calling a London hospital have been urged to call Jeremy Clarkson in an effort to make him take his own life.

written by Simon Cockle, 11 December 2012

Gizza job?

According to 'Government' figures youth unemployment has dropped by 72,000 during last quarter...."duck, here come some more flying pigs!"

written by Herrdoktorfox, 12 December 2012


Jimmy Savile: Cops say more than 500 'victims' have come did he ever find time to host TOTP's?

written by Herrdoktorfox, 12 December 2012

"You dirty rat!"

Rat catchers are asking for permission to use stronger poisons to deal with the current plague of 'super rats'...surley it's more cost effective to hold a snap General Election?

written by Herrdoktorfox, 12 December 2012

Only in the UK!

Adding to the semingly endless: "You could not make it up's"...West Midlands Police are sending personalised Christmas cards to criminals 'warning' them to stay away from a life of crime!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 12 December 2012

Mike Tyson is not having a sex-change op!

An African spoof site has reported that ex-ear biter and boxer, Mike Tyson, is having a sex-change op! It's not true; he's just feeling his feminine side and she bites big-time too!

written by Jaggedone, 12 December 2012

Its all balls to me!

$2,500 bounty on each of Justin Beibers testicals, had I known about this auction then I would have bid upward of $3,000!!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 14 December 2012

Greek soccer team sponsored by brothel!

A Greek soccer team that is sponsored by a brothel have been told that if they win all of their games they will be "handed" some free samples! They are now training "harder" than ever!

written by Jaggedone, 17 December 2012

Dutch dead sky-diver lost in Dutch mountains for days!

A dutch sky-diver (RIP) who's parachute failed to open was lost for days because he landed in the dutch mountains and they are very difficult to access! He was found at an altitude of 6ft!

written by Jaggedone, 19 December 2012

The Most Perfect Stocking Stuffer.

A one-legged homeless man may have the need for the most fitting stocking stuffer ever! He asked the Santa who works the mall, where he lives in the bushes from time to time, for a prosthetic leg.

written by Paul Blake, 19 December 2012

Rowan Williams Speaks About The Eternal Mystery Of The Christmas Story

'It is something that believers accept on faith,' said the Archbishop. 'It will, of course, remain an eternal mystery as to what Andrew Mitchell really said to police at the gates of Downing Street.'

written by Swan Morrison, 20 December 2012

"Here's looking at yer kid!"

Queen's Christmas message will be in 3-D, thank god the old girl is not a nudist, that would have put me right off me Christmas Pudding!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 20 December 2012

NRA To America: We Are Sane, Reasonable People

But if you try to take our guns we'll kill every last one of you.

written by manbrad, 20 December 2012

NASA Correctly Predicts The Non-End Of The World

Thousands of New Age believers converged on Cape Canaveral today to worship the rockets and lay offerings on the launch pads. 'They're still missing the point,' said a NASA spokeswoman.

written by Swan Morrison, 21 December 2012

You gotta laugh cobber!

Royal prank call: Crown Prosecution Service to consider charges....can you seriously see charges being levelled at Phil the Greek, no nor me...would the next scapegoat please step forward please!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 22 December 2012

Obama Quitting, Moving to UK

President Barack Obama announced Monday that he is resigning from the presidency immediately and moving to the UK after losing all hope for the country following this morning's shooting of 4 firemen.

written by EyeKnowRight, 25 December 2012

Going to the surrealism market

After popping to the farmers' market, where the stall holders were all farmers and then the fish market to discover the stall holders were all fish, I decided not to go to the flea market.

written by IainB, 27 December 2012

6-5 Special

Do-Nothing-Dave's Tory boy New Year quote: "Britain 'On Right Track' for 2013" that the head on collison one Dave?

written by Herrdoktorfox, 30 December 2012

Wolves boss Stale Solbakken close to the sack

The former boss of West Midlands rivals Aston Villa and Birmingham, Alex McLeish, is in the running to take over.

That'll go down well at Molineux.

After that McLeish fancies the West Brom job.

written by Simon Saunders, 03 December 2012

Chelsea Deny Royal Link.

Chelsea Football Club this evening issued a denial after reports linked them with a deal to make The Duchess of Cambridge's unborn baby their new interim manager.

written by John_L, 03 December 2012


Autumn Statement - brrr!

written by Talking Tic-Tacs, 08 December 2012

Wayne Rooney goes to Dubai for his birthday

I saved up for that all day, he says

written by ExiledRoyal, 10 December 2012

Top baby names of 2012: Thrush and Fecal

Other top names include Machete, Van Der Graaf Generator, Human Centipede, Velcro, Fuckstick, Cheesy Football, Smegma, Vosene, Septuagesima and Quad Bike.

written by raouldukecommando, 24 December 2012

Easy with the KY signore!!

Sex addict and former Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi has been ordered to pay his ex-wife £82,000 per day! Strewth, for that kind of wonga he can take me up the canal as much as he likes!!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 28 December 2012

Xmas not for everybody

For many people, Xmas is a time of great joy and togetherness. For Rupert J Beanlander of Dayton,Ohio it is filled with visceral misery and great pain. "God, I hate Christmas so much!!!!" he moaned.

written by whatinthe world, 31 December 2012

Military Style Training for Unruly Children.

Another brilliant idea from the Coalition, teach 'em how to kill and maim each other and shoot straight first time, dead handy (no pun intended)for drive-by more wasting bullets!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 07 December 2012

"I've never seen a better spread!"

A Middleton Christmas for Kate and doubt Wills will be attempting to stuff the bird on the kitchen table while kate pulls his cracker until it goes bang!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 22 December 2012

Rowling Has Final Say... Again.

Rowling has stated again that The Casual Vacancy is not derived from her own life. "Nothing I write has anything to do with me or my life... so not ever! Absolutley no connection. Not even Potter."

written by Auntie Matter, 06 December 2012

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