Halloween Scare
Failure of MF Global trading firm and worries about Europe's debt crisis cause Dow to dip sharply, narrowly missing nearby Occupy Wall Street protesters.
written by The San Francisco Onion, 31 October 2011
Cardiopulmonary Restitution
Non-smoker who suffered heart attack sues CPR-performing smoker who resuscitated him for emotional distress. "It was like kissing an ashtray!" he fumed.
written by The San Francisco Onion, 31 October 2011
Not qualified for office
Emphatically declaring that he has "never sexually harassed anyone," Herman Cain disavows a widespread political tradition. I suppose an affair would be totally out of the question.
written by The San Francisco Onion, 31 October 2011
Herman Cain Kinda Felt Like He Was At A Ron Paul Rally
After Herman Cain was heckled by Ron Paul supporters in Alabama he turned to his campaign Chief of Staff Mark "Smokey" Block and asked, "Say brutha, are you sure you advertised this thing right?"
written by Abel Rodriguez, 31 October 2011
Mitt Romney Knows Newt Gingrich Pretty Darn Good
Mitt Romney has stated that a very good reason why Newt Gingrich would not make a good president is because he is just much too busy partying all the time.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 31 October 2011
Jon Huntsman Is Starting To Work The People
Jon Huntsman, who is desperate to get the votes of the 99 percent group, is encouraging the Occupy Wall Street movement to branch out into an Occupy Madison Avenue movement.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 31 October 2011
Michele Bachmann Has Seen The "White" Signs
Michele Bachmann, a strong believer in 'signs,' says that being from the snow state of Minnesota the recent early snowstorms are signs that she will be the GOP presidential candidate for 2012.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 31 October 2011
"There are more than 7 billion of us" claim global tramps!
Tramps living under bridges are to protest and occupy global cities because they claim that there are more than 7 billion people on the planet; the UN forgot to count them!
written by unknown
Money - described in the year 3000
A type of currency, in the 20-21st century, politicians, drug pushers, and businessmen became addicted to. Causing many robberies, fiddling, conning, deaths, wars, and genocide.
written by Inchcock, 31 October 2011
Good News for Lib-Dems in October 2011 Voting Intentions Poll!
They have increased their share of the votes this month!
Conservatives 35%
Labour 42%
Lib-Dems 7%
Others 16%
written by Inchcock, 31 October 2011
Criminals to have weekly benefits docked by up to £25 to pay fines!
David Cameron to announce plans that will allow maximum weekly payment to increase fivefold.
It is uncertain if criminal MPs will be included?
written by Inchcock, 31 October 2011
Kenneth Clarke to investigate Parent allowing their children to drink Alcohol
He said that 7 out of 10 underage children were caught drinking this summer, and given the alcohol by their parents.
Clarke said; "Thankfully my parent were the same (hic)!"
written by Inchcock, 31 October 2011
Millionaire Chancellor Osborne get award!
In appreciation of his increase in VAT, and cuts in Pensioners Heating allowance, the Gadaffi.com site thanked him for killing so many more British people... more than Gadaffi ever did!
written by Inchcock, 31 October 2011
Cameron admits Tory memberships is dwindling!
His only consolation is that the Coalition has all but destroyed the Lib-Dem membership!
written by Inchcock, 31 October 2011
The Statue of Liberty will Party Like it's 1999
The Statue of Liberty is upset as news spreads that the bust of Winston Churchill will not be at her party.
written by Ellie James, 31 October 2011
The US will Introduce Fish as Currency
Beginning next fall, the US Treasury Department will begin using mackerel as currency.
written by Ellie James, 31 October 2011
Double Standard About Black Anti-Semitism
Black Occupy Wall Street protesters make Anti-Semite statements about Jews controlling Wall Street, liberal media ignores the rants. If a white person blamed blacks, liberal media would go spastic!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 31 October 2011
Taxpayers Rejoice
Remember the $16 muffin? The muffins were part of a modified continental breakfast costing $16.80, consisting of pastries, fruit, coffee, tea and juice.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 31 October 2011
What's A Voter to Do?
The Democratic liberal left labels you a racist if you will not vote for President Obama in 2012. The Democrat liberal left labels you a racist if you want to vote for Herman Cain in 2012.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 31 October 2011
No Students Actually Involved
Activist law professor lodges a complaint that Muslim students attending Catholic University (CU) in Washington DC are upset with all the displayed crosses. Golly Molly, it is CU of Washington DC!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 31 October 2011
No More Stinky Vehicles
A Maryland county has banned its employees from breaking wind in county owned vehicles. The county health officer cited the danger of exposure to secondhand noxious gases as the reason.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 31 October 2011
