European bison is not extinct, they crossed it with a Friesian cow!!
The European bison was on the brink of extinction until they crossed it's genes with a Friesian cow, and now they're booming, but they are looking quite spotty!
Courtney Love tells the truth about Kurt Cobain!
Courtney Love is writing her very truthful memoirs about Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain. She drove him to drink and drugs!
UK declares Eurozone bankrupt!
The UK have declared the Eurozone as bankrupt. At least the UK are not alone now!
Tottenham beat Arsenal and Wenger is declared insane!
Arsenal have got off to a terrible start to the season and even lost to the Spurs, unbelievable! Arsene Wenger just entered a local loony bin in need of desperate help!
NY protesters bomb Ground Zero!
NYorkers protesting about the very rich and the rest have put a bomb under the Ground Zero site, they swore they saw a rich banker hiding his millions there, he was an Arab!
Denmark introduces fat tax for Scandinavian skinnies!
Denmark are forcing their skinny people to pay a fat tax because they want to fatten up their population before the winter kicks in. Fatties are less endangered to hypothermia and it's cold there!
Newt Gingrich Did Provide A Most Appropriate Answer
GOP presidential candidate Newt Gingrich was asked why he would be willing to allow Puerto Rico to become the nation's 51st state. Gingrich smiled and replied, "The rum dude. The frig-gin rum!"
Herman Cain Does Know His Fine Looking Women
Herman Cain was asked if elected president who would he name as his Secretary of State. He grinned a bit and answered, "Ah dat be Beyonce, I mean yo dude is there really any other effen choice?"
Jon Huntsman Reveals Why He Is So Gosh Darn Qualified
Jon Huntsman was asked to give a good reason why the American people should vote for him. He put down his lollipop and replied, "Well, for one thing I can get 3 stars on Angry Birds Level 1-16."
Chris "Chubby" Christie - The Man With Food On The Brain
Governor Chris "Chubby" Christie was asked what he would do to create more jobs. He asked "Hot Dogs?" When told the word was "Jobs" he said "Oh hamburgers, well I guess we'll just cook more of 'em."
UK obese musical genius farts Mozart's symphonies perfectly!
A musical, obese genius has been discovered farting Mozart (and others) symphonies perfectly. He is to perform at the Royal Albert Hall and it promises to be a gas!
House of Commons remove certain dishes from the Restaurant
From 4th Oct, the following items are to be withdrawn from the menu, due to lack of demand by MPs: Humble Pie, Coalition Sandwich's, and Waffle Relish.
Fabio Capello has book translated in effort for success on the field!
Fabio Capello has had a book translated into Italian, in an effort for success on the field. The book is the 1959 edition of the Boys Own 'How to pass a football!'
Willie Hague to star in US sitcom!
Millionaire Coalition minister, William Hague is to star in the US sitcom 'Two and a half men'. He will be playing the part of the half man!
Arsenal Bonus for Jack Wilshere?
Arsenic Vengor, Manager, handed the cheque for £250,000 to Wilshere, saying: "If we win the league this season, the chairman will sign it for you!"
Be weary, keep your eyes open, ears peeled, minds sharp and energy battle ready, there is a system run not be me nor you but by a force of dire proportions... Be aware, save yourself
written by Master Zunaid, 02 October 2011
Rick Perry's "Two For One Special"
Rick Perry was asked which of the GOP candidates would he like to see sitting on Sparky the infamous Texas electric chair. He replied, "Mitt Romney with Michele Bachmann sitting on his lap."
Chris Christie - The Man And His Caloric Dream
New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is so fat that when he enters the GOP Presidential Debates he is going to have to use two podiums.
The Two Hikers Must Have Left Their Brains Back In Iran
The two hikers arrested for hiking in Iran say that next they plan to go hiking in Cuba and film it for a new reality show called, Okay So Who Wants To See Two Stupid Ass Hikers Get Arrested In Cuba?
Nancy "Nip Slip" Grace Knows How To Use Her Puppies
Dancing With The Stars contestant Chaz Bono said Nancy Grace's wardrobe malfunction, which exposed her right nipple, was planned by the talk show host. Chaz says he's planning on exposing his winky.
Mike and Molly - But They're Happy Right?
The Mike and Molly sit-com which stars to very overweight lead characters is the only television show in Hollywood that had to hire an extra food catering truck.
The People of The Cheese State of Wisconsin Do Not Really Have A Sense of Humor
Michele Bachmann was asked if she had any campaign tips. She giggled and said that she advises candidates campaigning in Wisconsin to resist the urge to be funny by asking "Hey, who cut the cheese?"
The Ten Year Old Car Was Only Driven On Sundays?
Rick Santorum was asked what he would do about widespread political corruption. He promised that he would get it out of politics and put it back into the used car industry where it belongs!
Michele Bachmann Does Tell It Like It Is
Michele Bachmann was asked if she really feels that women and men are equal. She thought about it for a while and then replied, "No, not really cause women have a period and men have a wiener."
The TV Football World Is Just Like Anytown USA
Well the word on the street is that The Fox Sports Football Transformer tested positive for anabolic protons.
Andy Rooney at 92, Says He Is Too Young To Retire
92-year-old Andy Rooney says that he is retiring from 60 Minutes and proudly announced that he already has a new job lined up. He will be the greeter at the new Walmart in Brooklyn.
A Slight Possibility
President Obama told Pakistan it would not send ground troops to attack militant positions in North Waziristan, but would NUC the area if Islamabad doesn't pursue the Haqqanis terrorist group!
Ron Paul Puts Foot in Mouth
Presidential candidate Rep. Ron Paul (D-TX) criticized President Obama today for the death of US born Islamic terrorist al-Awlaki. Republican conservatives begin referring to Mr. Paul as VP Biden!
Vegans May Soon be Felons
An FDA study finds that vegetables have more feelings than cows, chickens and fish. The Obama administration is recommending Americans eschew vegetables and eat more cows, chickens and fish!
Economic Morons in Massachusetts
The Democratic loony left Senate candidate wants rich MA business people to pay more for the roads and infrastructure they use. I believe that's called taxes and tolls which companies already pay!
Tax the Rich (Middle Class)
Pres. Obama asks Congress to raise taxes on people earning over $50k per year. Michelle can provide more fresh vegetables & the president can provide more taxpayer funds to his big money contributors!
Progressives Need Money
A progressive organization in Democratic liberal Maryland has lost 64% of its contributions. They either will raise taxes on themselves by 64% or most likely ask the state's taxpayers for a grant!
Republican conservatives charge that President Obama is the anti-Christ. VP Biden defending the president says he may be clueless, incompetent and corrupt but he is not the anti-Christ!
Who Elected the UN?
UN considering global airline carbon taxes, taxes on shipping, sweeping changes in land use, a bigger squeeze on world-wide greenhouse emissions, including tougher US emissions limits & enforcement.
Obama the Job Destroyer Strikes Again
Obama Administration's rewritten coal mining regulations will cost jobs & decrease American energy production. By their own estimates, the new rules could cost up to 7,000 coal-mining jobs (10%).
Just in Case
Following the successful elimination of the Islamic terrorist Anwar al-Awlaki the ACLU has purchased anti-missile systems for all its office facilities.
More Mindless Left Wing Morons
Brain washed Wall Street protesters want to replace Capitalism, but can't answer with what! Also they all failed math when it comes to taxing the rich to provide everybody with a job!
Never Heard of Recycling Plastic Bottles
ENVIRONMENTALIST: Let's stop using disposable plastic water bottles and use drinking glasses. HOSTESS: Will you wash the glasses after the party? ENVIRONMENTALIST: Duh, but I can't stay!
Addressing a gathering in Brooklyn's 9th District, VP Biden maintained he doesn't think President Obama is in danger of losing the Jewish vote in 2012. Bupkis, Bupkis, Bupkis cheered the audience!
A solution for people who complain about getting too many political Robo-Calls is to connect to a Droid and let the devices knock themselves out!
More about Morons in Washington DC
EPA says tighter mercury standards will save 3600 lives each year, but cost the economy $3.5 billion. However 500,000 women die each year from breast cancer!
International US Wealth Redistribution
Pres. Obama using the EPA to set standards that can't be met is driving American businesses overseas where there are no standards. US will have to buy inferior cement, etc from third world countries!
Much Ado about Nothing
Enough of the Democratic liberal CRAPPO about Republicans shutting down the government, as neither political party wants to go home and take heat from the voters over not funding vital services!
Another Democratic Liberal Left Hypocrite
TV's David Letterman thinks he's a left wing political wit. Actually he is a half-wit, by making fun of NJ Governor Chris Christie's weight. All of tonight's top 10 are "Letterman is a Schmuck!"
Remember President Carter's Malaise Speech
Pres. Obama indicates America has gotten "a little soft" over the past two decades & the US is in decline. The voters in 2012 may associate him with that decline & elect another GOP Pres. Reagan!
The Price of Bread
President Obama believes that if it costs $1.50 to make a loaf of bread, consumers should pay only $1.00. Isn't that what Obama's Dodd/Frank bill forced banks to do with debit card swipes?
Economic Morons in Washington DC
President Obama protected consumers by signing Congressional legislation limiting transaction/swipe fees on Debit Cards. Golly Molly, some banks are now charging a monthly fee for these transactions!
Obama Ignores the 10th Amendment Again
Obama administration wants to grab control of the nation's transmission lines, pushing a proposal to ignore the states, having only one federal agency to review & approve all power-line projects.