Police visit an appliance store
The police have contacted Curry's to ask for help. "They needed to know how to fix their kettle," said Dave Ignorant. "Apparently, it's just not working."
Energy saving bulbs
Only energy saving bulbs can be sold in the UK from January first. "I hate them," said Mike Waring of Dorking, "And I'm mad, really angry about this. I'd be incandescent, but I'm not allowed."
No interest shown in Over-60's Safe Sex Classes!
The classes, called Generation Sex, was to be run by Portsmouth Council for the encouraging of older people to practise safe sex.
Councillor I Waistcash, said; "There's no helping some people!"
Conservative Councillor Suspended over Anti-Gay Tweets
It seems the tweets upset closet gay Willie Hague, and the other twelve out-of-the-closet current Conservative MPs!
Blackberry service restored, they've picked some fresh ones!
Blackberries have been knocked out for the last couple of days because someone trod on them. Full service has now been resumed because a fresh bunch have just been picked.
Slowdown predicted in Germany, they've put brakes on Porsches!
The Germans are about to slowdown because Porsche has announced it will put brakes on its cars!
Family Guy should have finished long ago; it should never have started!
Fab cartoon series, Family Guy should have finished long ago claims its founder; many believe it should never have started!
European banks need to raise 200 billion Euros!
European banks need to raise 200 billion Euros, an impossible task. "It would be easier task raising the Titanic," quipped one sinking banker!
Chinese village that does not exist has a population of 200
A Chinese village has been officially wiped off of the map although over 200 families live there; they've all been offered roles in the next "Invisible Man" film.
King of Bhutan marries commoner; she's a scrubber!
The King of Bhutan has married a commoner, in fact it's his cleaning lady making her now a right "royal scrubber!"
Liverpool will unite with Everton if they lose to Man Utd!
Liverpool FC owners demand more success and if they lose Saturday they have sworn to take over Everton forming a new club called FC Liverton Utd. Liverpool fans don't mind but they hate the Utd bit!
NATO to go back to Libya?
Libyan rebels, fighting against their newly-installed government, have asked NATO for help. Their leader, Mr Faggadi, who wore shades and a hat, said, "With outside help we can take back our country."
written by MonkeyInTheBath, 13 October 2011
Noel Gallagher laying the boot into Ed Miliband
Gallagher lays the boot into Ed Miliband.
The former Oasis star says the Labour leader is "utterly uninspiring and dull!"
Milband's reply was: "Yes?"
UK Living Standards Will Plummet
It was reported in various news agencies and newspapers today.
We thought it would have been more suited to be published in the BBC History Magazine.
Apple and Blackberry Crumble
With problems at Apple and Blackberry affecting sales, the UK's largest telecommunications provider, Orange, are looking nervously over their shoulders. "Well, we're fruit based too!" said their CEO.
Governor Chris Christi Will Find Any Old Excuse To Eat
Reports are that Governor Chris Christi's Hey Folks I'm Not Running For President All-You-Can-Eat Pizza Party was a tremendous success.
Herman Cain Talks About His Secretary of The Treasury
Herman Cain was asked who would he appoint as his Secretary of the Treasury. Cain smiled a bit, looked around, and replied, "Ah dat be a no-brainer. Da answer have ta be Miss Oprah (Winfrey)."
Michele "Clueless" Bachmann Strikes Out Again
Michele Bachmann was asked what she thought about Hank Williams Jr., recent remarks. She smiled for a few seconds and then asked, "Ah does he play for the Tigers or the Rangers?"
Oops, It Went Right Over Mitt Romney's Head
Mitt Romney was asked if he is currently using Alberto Culver. An angry Romney replied that he has never in his life used anyone for anything.
Ukrainian opposition leader deemed "too damn pretty" to lock up
Yulia V. Tymoshenko, who was sentenced this week to seven years on corruption charges, is expected to be freed soon. Those close to and far away from her agree that she's too damn pretty to lock up.
written by Lyndon, 13 October 2011