Prince William has special flag designed for visit to Canada
Basildon candle factory catches fire
Locals blow it out and sing "Happy birthday"
Good news. Essex police solve crime at last
Bad news. They were playing Cluedo and arrested Colonel Mustard for carrying a lead pipe in a public library. He was later released on bail pending further inquiries. Lock your doors tonight
Stephen Hawking's new book
The Times newspaper have asked Stephen Hawking to compile a comprehensive book about underwear. It is called the Times History of Briefs.
written by IainB, 29 June 2011
Local man's wife admits she was wrong.
Shockwaves shift Earth slightly on axis.
written by Dr Jon, 29 June 2011
Stabbing burglars will become legal!
In the future UK houseowners can stab burglars as long as they were breaking in at the time!
written by Jaggedone, 29 June 2011
The law really is an ass
In a bizarre miss interpretation of changes to the sexual offences act, Essex police charged thirty stable hands with "grooming horses"
Pervert Scottish footballer sacked
A club spokesman said; "We pay him to tackle in front of the net, not show off his tackle on the net"
Stabbing burglars will be legal
As will beating, shooting, maiming, disemboweling, eye-gouging, hanging, guillotining, molesting, but not sewing their mouth to another burglar's bottom to create a human cater-burglar.
written by MonkeyInTheBath, 29 June 2011
Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann - The GOP Twins
Tim Pawlenty has compared fellow GOP candidates Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann to Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan except without the money, the smooth skin, and the jail time.
Three Tie For The Dumbest Looking Hairdo Award
Donald Trump, Rod Blagojevich, and Kim Jong Il, have all just tied for The Dumbest Looking Hairdo Award presented each year by the makers of Alpo.
Skinny Old LeAnn Rimes Is Not A Happy Anorexic-Looking Camper
LeAnn Rimes who is down to 63 pounds says that she does not appreciate people calling her a white drinking straw.
Sarah "The Geographical Guru" Strikes Again!
Sarah Palin was asked about Hurricane Arlene crossing into Texas from Mexico. She thought for a moment and replied, "Well ya know, if she comes over illegally we'll just ship her back to Mexico."
Tracy "The Homophobic Opportunist" Morgan Strikes Again
Tracy Morgan, who is anti-gay has said that since the state of New York passed the gay-marriage bill he will never ever visit New York again; unless of course he is offered a play or TV part.
VP Joe Biden Says "No Way" To Visiting Wisconsin
Vice-President Joe Biden has cancelled his scheduled trip to Wisconsin. He reportedly stated that he cannot stand the smell of non-union air.
Arnold Schwarzenegger Really Likes Rod Blagojevich
Arnold Schwarzenegger says he is thrilled that Rod Blagojevich is back on the front page so that he (AS) can get kicked back to the classified section again.
Sarah "The Grizzly Mama" Palin Vs. Michele "The Pit Bull" Bachmann
The Reverend Al Sharpton says he can hardly wait for Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann to go at each other and start calling each other rednecks, honkies, and crackers.
Kathy Griffin Is Very Happy For Her 'Sidesaddle' Pals
Kathy Griffin says she is so happy about New York passing the gay marriage law that she may just marry Rosie O'Donnell and then divorce her for the heck of it.
Do Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin Know How To Properly Bake A Cake?
Michele Bachmann who messed up on John Wayne's birthplace has just shown that she is the geographical version of Sarah Palin but in the field of birthplaces.
Cows are Rude
After seeing cows wandering in her street Welsh housewife Bryony Jones complained 'Cows have been looking at me through my front window.' But gardeners are welcoming manure left on their doorstep.
written by j.w., 29 June 2011
Austerity Hits the High Streets
A new retail chain, named Austerity, is to hit the High Streets soon. No smiles, terrible service, few staff, lit by candles, wartime rations. Getting prepared.
written by j.w., 29 June 2011
So Farewell, Nathan Clark.
I have two pairs of your boots. Love them.
(Look him up!)
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 29 June 2011
Nothing works better than 'Xtra' detergent to keep your clothes clean
So...use NOTHING in your washing machine, apart from water, and you will see the difference in cleanliness straight away.
Gordon Ramsay says 'Don't knock it 'till you've tried it'
Gordon returned from a visit to Korea recently bringing with him a number of recipes for 'dog meat' Gordon said, 'Don't knock it till you've tried it guys-all dogs used in recipes are 'strays'.
Great news for Wayne Rooney
His head scab dropped off today.
Rabid environmentalists have attacked the US airline industry, the oil and coal industries, the energy generating industry and now railroads causing severe economic pollution!
Environmental Brainwashing 101
Supreme Court rules that an otherwise straight A high School senior can graduate even though he failed environmental literacy. The student said "rabid environmentalists suck!"
The Job Killer in Chief
Pres. Obama can't decide on permitting Canada (spending $6 bill. in the US) to build an oil pipeline to Texas refineries, carrying 1 mil. bbl per day. Buying oil from Venezuela he has no problem with!
Another Boogyman Heard From
Just when Americans had gotten used to climate change causing everything, the Obama administration creates distracted driving as enemy number two. Whatever happened to 9.1% unemployment?
The Next Generation Lobbyists
Several of the current executive branch cabinet positions are staffed by ideological Democratic impotent Obama Tsarist sycophants (IDIOTS)!
High School Environmental Instruction
High school students in Maryland will be taught to only drop "green" candy wrappers, plastic soda containers and fast food plates on lawns, while walking to school!
Exercise in Fruitility
Republicans state that President Obama's idea to raise $600 billion in new taxes from a faltering US economy, where his jobs creation programs are a failure, is a lemon!
Where were the unions, environmentalists and illegal immigrants when small business owners were working 20 hours per day? Now Uncle Obama wants to tax small business's to support these freeloaders!
They Got Change
More and more Democratic liberals are scraping off "Obama 08" bumper stickers from their cars, by employing the loose "change" they still have left!
Democratic politicians in Washington DC have been picking taxpayers pockets to support social programs. Now various Democratic state governments are trying to tax internet sales for the same purpose!
Democratic Liberal Economics
State of Maryland needs to raise bridge and tunnel tolls because of a shortfall in tax revenue. However, the state will borrow billions of dollars, in a few years, to finance a new light rail line!
Maryland allows pro-DREAM Act (in-state tuition for illegal immigrants) groups access to petitions signed to repeal this act. When it comes to raising tolls and taxes, the public is the last to know!
Americans are bewildered as a Muslim woman sues her employer for discrimination over not being able to wear a head scarf. Yet there are still no Synagogues or Churches allowed in Saudi Arabia!
Rep. Pelosi's (D-CA) Solution to Fix Medicare
Democrats in House & Senate are pushing to end corporate tax breaks to raise revenue, which Pelosi said would be a more fair solution. Another product of Baltimore MD schools who failed arithmetic!
New Iranian missile looks like a phallic symbol. Is the Iranian government trying to tell the western countries about themselves?
Where's the ACLU?
Obama administration contacting primary care doctors to check up on patient acceptance is government intrusion. Similar intrusion exists as TSA invasively searches 90 year old woman cancer patient!