Democrats Give Up on All Health Care Bill Activity
Insurance Companies plan Huge Party for GOP Senators.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 22 January 2010
Combative O'Bomba Pushes Welfare Creation Bill
Will allow new welfare applicants to simply use their cell phones to dial "B.O. 123 4 Instant Cash"
written by Richard DagNabbit, 22 January 2010
Bernanke Losing Support of Democrats
Bernake says his patience is growing short with all elected officials.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 22 January 2010
English Only Rule at connecticut Bookstore Sparks Controversy
Well, what should it be, Farsi?
written by Richard DagNabbit, 22 January 2010
Scientists Find that Humans Could Theorectically Run 40 MPH
What's with the "theoretically" stuff. Democrats all over the nation are running faster than that right now.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 22 January 2010
O'Bomba Vows to "Never Stop Fighting"
As Clint Eastwood once said "Make My Day"
Okay.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 22 January 2010
Britain Raises Terror Level Threat to "Severe"
The Blair & Brown Investment Index is down 7 ticks. The Horror, the Terror.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 22 January 2010
Rescue Ships Near Same Ocean Spot
North Korea all set to launch first dissident into space (ocean).
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
The New Madonna
Madonna reinvents herself once again, this time as a middle-aged floosie.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
Still Might Happen
Reid and Pelosi: Higher ethics, some dignity still possible!
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
I Take It All Barack!
Barack reiterates campaign promise that everything will be done 'out in the open' to fellow democrats behind closed doors in Washington.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
Head Groper
California's Governor Schwarzenegger: "If I can't grope my way through our budget problems, nobody can."
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
Does A Little Dance!
President calls for all out war with Republicans after being denied his health care bill.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
Tornado Watch?
Weather for Washington Dc since Brown elected Senator: Blustery, with hot air from Senate hitting cold air from Obama, Reid, Pelosi.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
Da Bomb!
New Haines Underwear jockey shorts wit "Da Bomb!" in front selling well as a novelty.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
Al Qaeda terrorists captured by Turkey (s) in Turkey!
Not only good for noshing at Christmas and Thanksgiving, wild Turkeys in Turkey scared the shit out of Al Qaeda terrorists thinking the beasts were Satans messengers!
written by unknown
Bible inscriptions on US soldier rifles banned!
Bible inscriptions on US rifles have been banned, the reason: It's illegal to kill in the name of God, but okay in the name on Allah!
written by unknown
Best Pics Since JFK
Democrats in Massachusetts attempt to sabotage Brown by showing old pics of him in the nude backfires, as he pulls in 75% of women voting.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
Uncle Conan McDuck
Conan O'Brien finally set to leave NBC. He stated that he will spend his first year off playing in his money.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
Fish Just Don't Care
Fishermen throughout the United States say fish easier than ever to catch, especially on the Prozac River.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
Public Upset
2010 Census: More people slamming doors in our faces, throwing rocks at cars than any time since depression.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
Dat's Good Noose
"No former Chicago hood left behind" going fairly well for the President.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
Not Every Boxer 25 And 3
Boxer who had a perfect 0 and 29 record finally has enough funds, retires to spend more time with his glass jaw.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
Mistakes Will Happen
President Obama admits that economy not recovering as fast as he stated earlier. Blames shortage of red ink, chart put up upside down.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
Kennedy Shut Down
Kennedy Airport totally shut down after everyone's luggage arrives safely and on time. "Something's up", states baggage handler.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
The Buck Stops Here!!!
When Jeff Buck parked his car in front of a police speed camera (which is outside his house), he has, so far, received 2 speeding tickets for being stationary.
written by IN SEINE, 22 January 2010
Richards Using Drugs
Keith Richards admits to using Performance Enhancing Drugs. "I have to. I've been dead for a year and a half."
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
Grave Condition
Study reveals that today's impatient people who are always in a rush, headed straight into the ground.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
Work In Detroit
President Obama argues that there is still plenty of work in Detroit. "Somebody needs to be tearing those old factory buildings down."
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
Mexico Makes Arrests
Mexican border guards arrest thousands of American seniors over purchasing drugs and smuggling them back into the US.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
Carpenters Thrilled
Carpenters give a big flat thumbs up for new Senator from Massachusetts.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
We're Correcting It
Terminix Pest Control apologize to customers for running late, as computer ware apparently has a bug.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
PETA Gains Strength
PETA announcement that they now have nuclear weapons should provide them with a bigger audience when they make demands.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
No One Helping
Study: Care for painfully thin condition of today's models falling through the cracks.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
What Goes Around....
President Obama's support for first term abortions coming back to haunt him.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
Economy Good At Some Places
Economy showing much stronger signs of recovery as Salvation Army, Goodwill and pawn shops lead fourth quarter earnings.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
Angry Obama Sulking
Obama angry with free enterprise banks, others that didn't support his health care program. Expect knock on your door.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
Whoops!
Latest theory: Kennedy assassination joke by Lyndon Johnson that somehow went horribly wrong.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
Mortuary Troubles
Great-grandmother cremated by the wrong family after mortuary blunder. "Well, they're both dead now", admits director.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
Goldfish Killers Walk Out
Trial over deaths of three GOLDFISH collapses in laughter after police evidence blunder costs taxpayer thousands.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
Still More Laws
Swimming pool users banned from showering naked 'in case children are offended' newest law from Labour. Also, eating sandwich in front of hungry dog.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
Obama made fun of Bush claiming he didn't get on with other countries
"UK Bank Shares Tumble on Obama Crack Down"; "China returns fire against Obama's Information Imperialism". "France criticises White House"
written by Tcoah, 22 January 2010
33 New Laws Per Month
Labour is dreaming up 33 new crimes a month, including barring you from swimming into the Titanic, walking under ladders, stepping on cracks.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
Poles Going Home?
Claims that half of Poles have returned home from Britain 'not true', says Polish immigration expert. "More like, 75%." according to the latest Pole.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
Iraq Invasion Update
Hans Blix told Blair one month before invasion Iraq might not have WMDs, "unless enough nerve gas to wipe out all the Kurds in the north a WMD."
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
Could Be
Copper pipes 'could cause Alzheimer's and heart disease in people over 50', especially when continually banging them over the head, chest area with them.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
$10 Million Study
Did gorillas teach humans the basics of fair play on the sporting field? Did kangaroos actually teach us the "Bunny" hop? No one cares to hear study reports.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
Obama Declares War
Markets fall after Barack Obama declares war on bank gamblers who were forced to issue bad loans to immigrants by the government.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
Mother Runs To Ireland
Mother 'not clever enough to raise child' has baby snatched by social workers after running away to Ireland to give birth. "Run to Ireland proves our point", states worker.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
Jaguar Death
Feds allege crime in death of wild jaguar in Arizona. "Driver lost complete control, hit a big cactus."
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
PML No Call Home
NASA: No word from Phoenix Mars lander. He never writes or calls. Not even a Christmas card.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
Panic Everywhere
Bank stocks down after Obama proposal for government to take over banks, stock market.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
No More Under-The-Table Financing
Businesses, unions freed to spend big on elections. Look for non-stop TV commercials.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
First Male Prostitute
Country's first legal gigolo starts work in Nevada. Customers mostly gay.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
"John Still Misunderstands"
Cindy McCain, husband John in clown outfit, come out for gay marriages.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
Neil Young: "Four Jobs In Ohio"
Obama taking latest jobs message to hard-hit Ohio. "Once dollar hits 15 cents, manufacturers will return."
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
Must Be Fair
Petraeus calls gunscope Biblical inscriptions "disturbing". "Need Buddhist, Koran messages to balance."
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
ATF Busts, Goofs
Undercover ATF agents have funneled more than 250 million cigarettes onto nation's streets in the past three years through black market sales targeting smugglers. Results: 60 arrested, 95 with cancer.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
Alert Over Hijackings
Indian airports, casinos were on high alert Friday after intelligence services received information that al-Qaida-linked militants were plotting to hijack a plane
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
Lead Foot Recall
Stuck gas pedal causes 2nd major Toyota recall as it causes people to use too much gas.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
China Blames Hillary
China: Clinton Internet speech harms ties with US. "She need keep big mouth shut."
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
Man Fined For Speeding In Parked Car
Don't do drugs in parked cars
written by Earl Grey, 22 January 2010
400,000 Haitians Relocating; New YorK is First Choice
Mayor Bloomberg: "No Friggin' Way those Chumps are coming here!"
Sen. Harry Reid scolded the Mayor as to his
choice of words and reminded him that their dialect sounds more like that of Chimps.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 22 January 2010
Peter Gabriel Forgets Which Song to Sing In Haiti
Whips out "Shock the Monkey" instead of "Help for Haiti"
He is promptly helicoptered off the island for his own safety
written by Richard DagNabbit, 22 January 2010
"The O'Bomba Factor"
Coming to a 3 a.m. kids channel near you.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 22 January 2010
Danica Patrick's New Nascar Racer Gets Nix from Nascar Wives
"Its the paint job that's causing all the problems" said Patrick, "They put a spread eagle pic of me on the hood to cause as many wrecks as possible for those looking in their rear view mirrors."
written by Richard DagNabbit, 22 January 2010
GOP Says DoGooder O'Bomba Hindering Nation; Should Resign
O'Bomba Team Says: Make Buyout Offer
written by Richard DagNabbit, 22 January 2010
Radio Network Air America will be filing for Bankruptcy
Admits what it broadcasted was just a lot of hot air.
written by Gail Farrelly, 22 January 2010
Another Obama Plan Not Working
Michelle Obama admits that President Obama's "No Mother-In-Law Left Behind" not off to a good start.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
Won't Budge
Kim Jung Il says that any talks between US and North Korea must include Donald Duck!
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
Whole Lot Alike
Study: Reality Shows prove the difference between "Junk TV" and "Piece of shit TV" not all that great.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
Obama Shoots Foot Again
Obama starts year 2: Focus on economy by attacking banks. Banks may respond by laying off workers.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
Food Fight
Man gets day in jail for throwing taco at manager. Threatens a burrito up his ass next.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
Deadline Changed
UN abandons climate change deadline. "We'll wait until we see what the woolly worms and corn husks say", say experts.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
Ties Tiger Woods
After John Edwards testing the waters with admission that he has a little girl by a mistress, now confesses to 15 more, being raised by Mormon family in Utah.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
After Big Meeting
New Guinea Lizard Worshipper's church splits down the middle over opely-cannibalistic member.
written by Bureau, 22 January 2010
