The French Escargo, A Little Bit Slow
American and others visiting Paris, France say that the meals there are not the same and that the chefs appear a bit sluggish.
Skeleton with hole in his head wins the Ernest Hemingway lookalike contest in Key West, Florida.
The employees at Electrolux Vaccums say that they can't afford to strike bu that their local bosses are treating them like dirt.
2010 "The Year for Change"
According to prospective PM, David Cameron says; "this is the year for change" which means that out of every pound that we spend on tax, the government will only take 99p and so we WILL get change!!
Asscrack And All!
Joe the Plumber mistakenly honored at the annual Kennedy Center event.
She Should Know
Miss Universe says that universe did not start with a Big Bang but a kind of snap, crackle, pop.
General Betrayus Arrives in Yemen
General to determine whether "regime needs changing".
Mime Strike Talk Of Paris
No hope for Mime strike in France as "Talks" enter their 1,010th day.
Needn't Worry About It
US Congressman admits there's no real money in the social security fund. "We have that safely stored in a Nigerian Bank where it collects 100% interest per year."
Got One By Us!
President Obama angry over FBI/CIA overlooking the fact that a known terrorist has purchased the Brooklyn Bridge from former owners in Nigeria.
I Was Afraid
What did Danish cartoonist do while assassin came to kill him? He stayed in the panic room and drew pictures of himself filling his pants.
New IQ Standards Set
The Supreme Court has set a minimum intelligence for using the death penalty. At least half of the jury members must have an IQ of 70 or above.
2010 Situation Grows Desperate for Democrats
As it becomes clear O'Bama is just a little boy lost.
Who is running the government anyway?
'Tis the Season to Be Jolly, fa la la la laaa la la la laaaaa
Five Things Your Insurer Won't Tell You
(1)They're in the business of screwing people,(2) They are good at it, (3)They know how to screw you, (4)You are getting screwed right now (5) There is nothing you can do about it.
Happy New Tears!
Why Flight 253 Will Delay Guantanamo Closure
'Cause Hillary and Bob are gettin' ready for a roundup!
Rummy to be reactivated. O'Bama sent to his room to polish his Peace Prize before dinner.
One Terrorist Already Shamed Into Suicide
Although airline pilots still may not get to carry guns in the cockpit, several now have taken courses in bitter sarcasm.
Couldn't Take It
Rumor out of Paradise is that 70 of the 72 virgins given to Yasser Arafat have already ran off to hell.
Obama Gets Rough
President Obama says that Russia planting missiles in Cuba will lead them to be called a bad name that he is now trying to choose.
This Ain't Bad!
Formerly homeless people now living in abandoned mansion say they hope economy stays in a slump.
Just In Case
For what is probably the first time ever, two French scientists have found a cure for a disease no one has yet gotten.
O'Bama Calls His Handlers to the "Situation Room" for Public Opinion Poll Review
Labeled "Operation Public Opinion", the meeting is to discuss elimination of rights under the Constitution using "Fear of Al-Quaida" propaganda; naming of "Underwear Bomber" as Propaganda Poster Boy.
Health Bill to Leave Up To 70,000,000 Uninsured
Roughly the same number as today. Great Job Again Politicians!
O'Bama Promises "Justice" for X-Mas Terror Plotters
Once found, they will be thanked - for giving the necessary "push" to public opinion, allowing for the instant installation of full body scanners at US airports.
Former Prine Minister John Major Says Irag All About "Regime Change", Not WMD's
Telling at least a partial truth for a change, John Major says the invasion and occupation of Iraq was all about "regime change" and getting Iraq's Oil Fields for Shell Oil.
All Three Disappearing Crime Witnesses
Big ground-shaking celebration of New Year's Eve in NYC Time's Square jars three bodies out of hidden graves in Central Park.
Four-Hour Calling Birds
Pastor Ed Young of the Grapevine Church issuing his 12 days of sex for Christmas for married couples blamed for over 100 emergency "After 4 Hours Viagra" visits during Holidays.
"Little Tiger" Suicide
The Knoxville Zoo say the body of a monkey that somehow learned to do a good impression of Tiger Woods endorsing Nike products, found embarrassed to death.
Renting Drive Ways
Could your drive pay its own way? Owners make £5,000 renting them out. Many also offering home-cooked meal, kiss on the cheek, pat on the butt as renters go to work.
Promote Race Relations
Top schools could be branded failures for failing to promote race relations as NASCAR continues to be snubbed, poked fun at.
It Was Iran All Right
Hostage Peter Moore 'certainly' held in Iran, insists U.S. general, as freed Briton enjoys first taste of being home, describes dozens of nuclear facilities underground.
'I don't know who I am': Mystery as man with total amnesia is found collapsed by a school with only his five-year-diary.
Big Freeze Continues
Britain's big freeze threatens chaos for millions returning after Christmas break as global warming claims still more victims.
Coming to a chemist near you, the 20p daily lozenge that can fight all cold and flu bugs while hardening the penis.
No Bright Idea
Not a very bright idea: Flawed government scheme leaves homes swamped with 180 million unwanted energy-saving light bulbs. "We'll save on energy by not turning them on", states one receiver.
History Of Abuse
Former England rugby star Brian Moore reveals: I was abused as a child, teenager, British press.
£15 Extra Tax On Cars
£15 extra tax on car fines: Drivers face hefty surcharge to compensate victims of violent crime, police ball.
Man Opts For Jail
Man opts for jail over New Year with relatives. "No use all of us winding up here."
The Sullenburger Appears
Real hero' Sullenberger leads 2010 Rose Parade as McDonald's announces "The Sullenberger, with airplane-shaped pickle floating, mustard on ketchup.
15 Voters A Record Turnout
Montana third state to allow doctor-assisted suicide as voters approve it, 9-6.
Spell It Out To Him!
AT&T, the PGA and the YMCA are the latest to end Tiger Woods sponsorship.
Tas Himself, Still Around
Scientists find clue to killer of Tasmanian devils, as Duck Rogers taken in and placed in confinement.
Better Days Ahead
Senator: better days ahead despite war, recession, depression, starvation, plague and the ending of the Mayan Calender.
1906 SF Earthquake Claims Another
Survivor of 1906 SF quake dies at age 107 after a small tremor was found in the brain.
Limbaugh Doing OK
Limbaugh: Tests show no ailments after chest pain although he must take running off of the mouth for several more days.
Pirates Attack Again
UK government says British-flagged ship hijacked, in surprise attack from Pirate flagged ships.
The Girl Scouts Friend
Girl Scouts in region hope to sell 2M boxes of cookies and that's just to Kirstie Alley.
First Baby Born
First baby of the new year born! "It happens every year, just like clockwork", states doctor.
Gators Gobble Sugar Bowl
Tebow, Gators make it look easy by getting a sweet victory in the Sugar Bowl.
Flushing Down John
Elton John says he has been helping American rapper Eminen fight drug & candy melting in hand problems for more than a year.
Foul-Mouthed Kathy On Again
For the second straight year, comedian Kathy Griffin ushered in the new year by saying something vulgar on CNN. Promises to quit the ****** liquor while on air next year.
Dagwood, Blonde Innocent Victims
Police foil attempt to kill Danish cartoonist. However, Little Abdul sneaks from his panel and blows up Dagwood & Blondie.
No Second Hand Smoking In Second Hand Stores.
Tobacco-rich North Carolina bans smoking in bars, toilets, restaurants. "Most of products sold overseas anyway."
Through World's Tallest Door
Dubai to open world's tallest building using world's longest key.
Cartoonist Still Alive
Police foil attempt to kill Danish cartoonist. Says he will continue to draw Mohammed & Jeff cartoons.
In Otjer Words, Kiss Our Ass!
Iran warns West it will make its own nuclear fuel, pick out it's own targets.
Former President Bill Clinton's charity drew an international roster of donors last year, ranging from Norway and Oman to foreign lotteries, businessmen, celebrities, Mafia and horny old women.
Makes No Sense
Obama: al-Qaida link to Christmas terror suspect. "Although all terrorists have been Mid-Eastern men, there should be no racial profiling..at least until they blow more of us up."
Somalia Muslim misunderstood
A Somali Muslim was shot today after he was heard to say: "I could murder a Danish!" in cartoonist, Kurt Westergaard's kitchen. The man claims that he loves pastry and was only had a knife to cut it.
Was It Worth It?
A Sicilian deliberately stole sweets and chewing gum so that he could spend the night in jail rather than be with his wife and family over New Year's Eve. Next year he is planning for a life sentence.
Credit Card Companies to Cardholders: Use Them Or Lose Them
Now is the time for all good men to.........lose them!
Ireland Passes Blasphemy Law; Violation Punishable by Crucifixion
I think we have seen this bad idea once before.
Democrat Leaders Worry: Is O'Bama Cutting It?
For the culture cronies who actually put him in office, he surely is.
He didn't actually select ANY of his appointees or aides, they selected HIM as their straw man!
All US flights will divert to random cities
It's "an abundance of caution," a TSA spokesman said. "Terrorists can't blow up an aircraft once it has been diverted to another city..."
written by Robin Berger, 02 January 2010
Limbaugh: Tests Find Nothing Wrong With My Head
Then again, the tests were self-administered, and were supervised by Rosie O'Donnell
Adam Lambert and Elton Plan Hook Up in London
And here I thought it was for a show. Doh!