Could Take No More
Totally exhausted video editor found hanging in booth after previewing 10,000th home video blooper of man hit in the balls.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2009
Or Downside For Some
The upside of having a bad economy over the past year? Donor organs going for nearly half price.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2009
Homely Till The Last Drop
New Study: No matter how drunk you get, some women will just not look good and vice versa!
written by Bureau, 04 November 2009
Obama Bowls A 300!
President Barack Obama has 300 bowling game. It took him five games but he became a member of the "300 Club" and took his trophy back to the White House to put on display.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2009
Aspartame Boy reveals his email address
Microsoft now recalling its 800 employees just laid off to handle Aspartame Boy's personal email bag, due to the heavy email volume from his critics.
written by Aspartame Boy, 04 November 2009
"Afternoon Tea"
The person previously known as Prince meets Katie Price previously known as Jordan for afternoon tea and cookies.
written by Tcoah, 04 November 2009
Patients dying after using aspartame for chemotherapy
In a rare retraction by TheSpoof.com, it was admitted that evidence was fabricated. Aspartame is NOT safe for chemotherapy after all. Sorry corpses.
written by Aspartame Boy, 04 November 2009
"Bet It's The Tiny Nuggets"
Unlucky bachelor gold prospector, Harry Bode, throws a fit at remote Alaskan post office after mail-order bride marries postmaster.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2009
Child support snoopers get new spook powers
From next year investigators will be able to work for Vladimir Putin instead of sordid moonlighting forays for Mossad.
written by queen mudder, 04 November 2009
Larry King Show Ups Ratings
The Larry King Show ratings increase despite fewer guests as Larry now "levitates" from his chair an average of once every five minutes.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2009
Footman to Queen Becomes Wrestling Champion
A 24-year-old footman to HRH the Queen has become the cage fighting Champion of England. He said he gained the skills from wrestling with the Queen's corgis.
written by IN SEINE, 04 November 2009
Back To Leaves?
The disappearance of newspapers with most people getting their news on the net, has caused a panic among citizens of Ky, Tn and W. Va. "First Sears & Roebuck, now this!", laments farmer.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2009
Russian leech grower outed as genius behind UK royal family
Succouring bloodsuchers a bit of a Bloodyvostock dark art!
written by queen mudder, 04 November 2009
3D Chalk Outline
Photo of the Day: Photograph of sand man hole where whale flipped over on Greenpeace volunteer, smothering the worker pulled from hole in the sand.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2009
Taliban Leaders Offered Deal
Pakistan to offer Taliban leaders 300 virgins and free order of fries for each in next life if they'll volunteer to quietly die of the old age of 42.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2009
But Doing Their Part
Egotistical Salvation Army thinks it can solve the whole world's problems by ringing little bells, giving out free turkey meals.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2009
Peaceful Resistance
The Gandhi of Afghanistan Taliban asks for a more peaceful suicide bombing resistance.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2009
Sounds Like Dying Calf In Hail Storm
New study reveals that whales can't sing worth crap on the land, even on karaoke.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2009
Is That What I Smell?
The Environmental Protection Agency warns that there are dangerous levels of Fall in the air!
written by Bureau, 04 November 2009
Black Box Recovered
Lawn Chair's Black Box records final 24 hours of helium balloon traveler's fatal crash.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2009
Ex-Soldier Has Poppies Confiscated
A war veteran who fought in Afghanistan has had his tray of poppies confiscated by police. They are investigating whether they contain opium.
written by IN SEINE, 04 November 2009
Hillary Could Become President
When asked if she was ever going to run for president again, Secretary of State Clinton told reporters, "As Sec. of State, I'm only 4 heartbeats from the presidency now."
written by Bureau, 04 November 2009
Jesus depicted as transexual in Scottish GAY play!
Christian protestors threw haggis at the Gay organisors of a play showing Jesus as a transexual, they in turn explained, "Jesus was really not gay, he just like dressing that way!" God forbid us!
written by unknown
Republican wins in several states show Obama influence slipping
Administration to overturn voting results via Patriot Act and restore proper Democrats to office.
written by unknown
Obama looks for explanation of Republican landslide victories
ACORN was still out trick or treating
written by unknown
"V" remake debuts on television
They're still lizards, but are not as slimey as politicians.
written by unknown
Czechoslovakia surrenders to Germany.. again?
This time they do it without any military prompting. The reason, could it be a new paper lining of the pocket?
written by Aspartame Boy, 04 November 2009
Obama's Surprise Visit!
President Obama makes surprise visit to guy in port-a-potty while out jogging. Followers spotting him bid on who gets to wipe his ass.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2009
In A Relative Way
Giving up hope can make patients living with a serious illness HAPPIER, says new study. Especially when allowed medical Marijuana.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2009
Stalker Hospitalized
Obsessive stalker bombarded ITV newsreader with sex messages three times a day until hospitalized for sight problems, carpel tunnel syndrome in wrist.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2009
Big MP Crackdown
MPs forced to hand back profits from sale of second homes in expenses crackdown. Authorities say 3rd and 4th homes could be next.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2009
Calls Hollywood Bunch Of Hypocrites
Top academic traveled to Jersey for sex with girl, 13, he groomed on the internet. He's also furious that he's not getting any backing from Hollywood.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2009
Democratic Wipeout in Virginia - "Reasons 1, 2, 3"
An Obama spin-doctor explained thus: "Virginia is not so much a purple state as a purple state with a red fringe around the edges."
written by Tcoah, 04 November 2009
Israeli Commandos Find "Unusual Package" on Seized Container Ship
Instead of missile parts intended for Hezbollah, Israeli Marines find containers full of Walt Disney kit, "Looks like Hezbollah wants to build a Disney Theme Park in Lebanon".
written by Tcoah, 04 November 2009
Still Another Plan Submission
New replacement tower plan submitted in New York City that is in the shape of scaffold with Saddam Hussein Balloon hanging from it. However, Dr. Kevorkian's plan is turned down immediately.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2009
More Protesters Than Town's Citizens
Klansville, Alabama to hold it's tenth annual Gay Prod Day!
written by Bureau, 04 November 2009
Washington Ghost Appears
Ghost of George Washington appears to President Obama. Tells him to either shit or get off the Potomac.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2009
Hallmark Scores Big
Hallmark Cards have a new hit in brand new line of "Whatever" cards!
written by Bureau, 04 November 2009
First Beerdog
President Obama into trouble with the ASPCA as he slips up with "White House dog loved beer at the conference" comment.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2009
"You Terrorist Wimp!"
Although held back for many years of tongue biting, CIA war with FBI finally breaks loose as President and family rushed from White House!
written by Bureau, 04 November 2009
NW Pilots Missed Plane
Fired NW pilots were not in the cockpit. "We totally missed the plane", admits two who flew the plane the best they could by remote control once it took off. Could lead to big changes says ATC.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2009
Lou Dobbs Moves On
Lou Dobbs leaves CNN for The Weather Channel! "He has the personality to do some great things here", states new boss.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2009
Obama's First Year
Barack Obama was elected president one year ago. Since, Obama's slogan has gone from "Yes We Can" to "I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends".
written by Bureau, 04 November 2009
MM Crypt Auction Fails Again
Marilyn Monroe crypt auction fails again. Is it the Kennedy Curse?
written by Bureau, 04 November 2009
Bush Reminisces About Baseball
In Tokyo, Bush reminisces about baseball days. Apparently quotes his own version of "Casey, The Old Bat".
written by Bureau, 04 November 2009
More Toyota Recalls
Toyota blames sudden acceleration of vehicles on "speed demons".
written by Bureau, 04 November 2009
Martin, Baldwin To Host Oscars
Steve Martin, Alec Baldwin to co-host Oscars as Martin promises a "Wild & Crazy" Show!
written by Bureau, 04 November 2009
US Kids On Food Stamps
Half of US kids will get food stamps, study says. "Other half are too fat already."
written by Bureau, 04 November 2009
Man-Eaters Ate 35 in 1898
Study: Man-eating lions consumed 35 humans in 1898, as woman-eating lions were apparently afraid they would thin out the human herd.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2009
Maybe Not The Best Idea
Western Kentucky University's mascot, Big Red will be appearing at the Bowling Green blood drive today!
written by Bureau, 04 November 2009
Rainwater Fine For You
Rainwater is safe for your health according to study. Recycled goldwater, not so good.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2009
Kirsty Alley Back All Over TV
Kirstie Alley takes weight-loss battle back to TV. Will also make guest appearance on "All My Chins".
written by Bureau, 04 November 2009
Three Million Acres And A Mule
3 million acres taken out of conservation program to be planted with crops, just in case of robust economy bust!
written by Bureau, 04 November 2009
Swine Flu Hits The Old Too
Swine flu not just a threat to young: study. "Old bores also threatened."
written by Bureau, 04 November 2009
Marriages In Maine Falls Mainly On The Plain.
Dejection fills Maine ballroom after marriage vote as many left in "stag" line.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2009
Millions Would Switch?
Millions worldwide would like to switch countries according to new poll. "I'd like to take a switch to this one", states U.S. Conservatives.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2009
Crack Creates Ocean
Giant crack in Africa will create a new ocean. "Just wait another 30 millin years and you'll see that we're right", say crack outfit.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2009
GOP Sweep
GOP sweep: Big governor victories in Virginia, NJ. Obama has ears folded and doesn't want to hear or discuss it.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2009
Advertising industry thrown into turmoil
Research shows eighty-five percent of consumers CAN believe it's not butter.
written by Thibarine, 04 November 2009
Alex Reid hung like a gorilla, says Jordan.
Gorillas hung like chipmunks, confirms David Attenborough.
written by Thibarine, 04 November 2009
Celebituaries: Claude Levi-Strauss
Anthropologist Levi-Strauss, best known for tracing the modern Frenchman back to the cheese-eating surrender monkey, has died at 100. The centurion also lent his name to a well-worn brand of genes.
written by neilwatson, 04 November 2009
Dog Walker Goes Missing
No big deal as the police have a lead.
written by Skoob1999, 04 November 2009
Democrats Sweep The Board in Virginia
Governor, Lieutenant Governor and State Attorney of Virginia switch sides to the Democrats
written by Tcoah, 04 November 2009
Middle East Breakthrough
Four thousand year old conflict ends as Israel returns the remains of Goliath to Palestine.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2009
Be Watching For US!
The Detroit Lions have announced they will be holding tryouts in YOUR town all during the coming year.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2009
Police Arrest Purple Patch
Invisible man holding up bank becomes visible once bag of cash explodes.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2009
Nudists Meeting Interrupted
Keynote Speaker at the International Nudists Organization's annual meeting in New York City interrupted by streaker.
written by Bureau, 04 November 2009
