Brits Could Be Carbon Limited
Everyone in Britain should have an annual carbon ration and be penalised if they use too much fuel, the head of the Environment Agency will say. Also, farts could be limited to twelve per day.
More Evidence By Then, Also
World leaders meeting in Singapore said it will not be possible to reach a climate change deal ahead of the UN conference in Denmark in 2020. Instant scream heard from Gore residence by neighbors.
Cloned Cat Has Problems
Scientists report having trouble with recently cloned cat as it keeps burying crap in it's food dish and jumping up on a chair every time it sees a mouse. Barks!
Obama Like/Hate Nears 50%
Gap in Obama job approval widest in modern era as Liberals approval 80%, conservatives 20%. May indicant both President, Rush Limbaugh are Idiot/Savant.
Historical Day To Americans
The people of the former Yugoslav republic of Slovenia are voting in final round of their presidential elections, as the eyes of most free Americans turn to the.....actually, the Cowboys/Packers game!
Another Star Wars
New Star Wars movie possible in 2011, the tentative title is "Bring Us Some More Of Your Money You Bunch of Freaky Geeks!"
Gay Group Objects To Basketball Terms
Gay group objecting to the use in basketball of "Now they're switching and going man-to-man." Wouldn't be so bad if announcers didn't always snicker.
Even With Adult Diapers
"How The West Was Won, The Musical" on it's second night of first showing, no doing well.
"Give It Your Best Shot" - reLAX
Photographer got within manual clubbing distance of Mike Tyson and paid the "piper's price".
written by Tcoah, 15 November 2009
Helping The Psychiatrists With Their Inquiries
Indiana man checked out by police after calling 911 and saying terrorists were leaving messages on his refrigerator door, kept calling him "Chester".
Mother Earth Seeks apology from President Obama.
President Barrack Obama after greeting Michigan with "Hello Ohio" was caught on mic saying "The states all look alike". Mother Nature through a contact in Earth first is seeking an immediate apology.
written by OIF2Sniper, 15 November 2009
Anyone Dead Over There?
Elton John, while recovering in the hospital last week, apparently wrote a song tribute to each of the royal family.
Forgot My Leisure Suit
Florida youth won't go to school because of dad, picking him up at friend's party, kept trying to be cool with, "Well, gag me with a spoon!" saying it five separate times.
Restaurants To Merge
KFC and Burger King to merge into the newly formed, The Whopper Pecker!
Watch Those Translation Books
US citizen arrested in Brazil as his version of "Where are the bathrooms?" in Portuguese sounded like "Where are the war criminals?"
New Drug Invented
Chemists claim they have invented a new drug, Lilothium. Take one and you get rid of all guilt by blaming everything on your dad.
Frankfort Nutcase Arrested Again
Man in Frankfort, Kentucky arrested after he kept calling 911 ad telling them, "No enemy aircraft to report!"
Movies Setting Records
"Fast Times At Ridgemont High" already passe in number of teen viewers by both Twilight Movie and Dirty Pantsing.
Call For Website Manager Shunning
Ye Mennonite Bugatti Vetron website still down after big bid war last week.
Nigerian Banker's Widow Arrives
Nigerian Banker's widow arrives in New York City to give e-mail helpers over $100 million dollars.
Also, Tattoo On Belly May Get Big Ass!
Physicians warn those who put naked women tattoos on their bodies be aware that as they age, the tattoos will droop as they do.
Some War Games Helpful
Experts say some war games like Tank Zone helpful to kids who must later enter military, drive on busy freeways or rush into WalMart during holidays.
Kids Prefer Halloween
Poll: Kids now prefer Halloween over Christmas because they get gifts from everyone asked, plus there's that burning bags of dog shit thing.
But Not Reason For Spitting
Scientist at Texas Think Tank say that the number one cause for itching is watching profession baseball players.
Cannibals In Russia
'Cannibals' arrested for killing man and selling his body parts to kebab and pie shop. Sure enough, customers stated that he tasted like chicken.
Scientists Testing Ukrainian Super Flu
British scientists testing Ukrainian 'super flu' that has killed 189 people. Could combine with swine flu to produce Super-Dooper Flu.
Vacuuming Reduces Sperm Count?
Sorry darling, I can't do the vacuuming. It might damage my sperm count: The best excuse yet for men not to do the housework, not working as wife informs that there's plenty down at the sperm bank.
Speed Camera Charged
Speed camera that rakes in £500,000-a-year blamed for doubling of motorway casualties as drivers break from 90 to 50 MPH are back-ended!
Britain Hit By Storm
Britain battered by hurricane-force 100mph winds as 'worst storm of the year' wreaks Havoc, Essex and West Sussex.
Metal Barrier Collapses At Show
Four people hospitalized & 60 others were injured after a metal barrier collapsed as the X-Factor runners-up took to the stage in Birmingham city centre. Unfortunately, Simon Cowell wasn't there.
Let Him Leave In A Box
Fury as immigrant baby killer is paid £4,500 'bribe' to quit Britain. May come back after more.
Cow Dung Popular!
Cow dung to power more Dutch homes, future United States, British elections!
No Holiday Tree
Christmas tree goes up in NY's Rockefeller Center. "If Obama calls this a 'Holiday Tree' he'll be pelted with skates", says Mayor Bloomberg.
Didn't Know About Sex
Palin says she didn't know Bristol was having sex. Apparently they had secretly used whale blubber on mattress springs.
NBC Taken Over
Broadcast pioneer NBC prepares for cable takeover. Several protest by going back to radio, begin doing Talk Shows.
Obese Numbers Are Huge!
Study: Swine Flu may have broken out at this time due to huge number of obese people.
That's All, Porky
Disney World takes steps to fight swine flu. Isolate three little pigs. Ban Warner Brother's Porky from premises.
Smart Phone In Brazil
Dell smart phone to debut in China, Brazil. Will answer a few questions, show off a bit.
Judge A Hero To Seals
Judge says seals can stay in California cove. Seals applaud decision, toot old car horns!
Greenpeace: Pipe Could Harm Alien Wildlife
Splash! NASA moon crash struck lots of water. Also Oil as huge pipeline goes into planning.
Swift Makes History
Taylor Swift makes history at Country Music Awards as it's the first time she's ever gotten to finish her acceptance speech.
GOP Mouths Watering
2012 already? GOP wannabes jockeying early after recent Dem screw-ups!
"Charge!...Fall Back, Fall Back!"
French troops launch eastern Afghan offensive, the suddenly, defensive!
Teens Twitter Talk
Communication class for parents as they say they can now only understand half of what their kids are saying.
Not Enough Vaccines?
Thousands in area get H1N1 Swine Flu vaccines. Ten thousands get to go 'but not we, we' all the way home.
Springsteen Lost In America
Bruce Springsteen bellowed "Hello, Ohio!" to his fans at the Auburn Hills Palace. That's in Michigan. Apologizes "Pardon me, all you Buckeyes!"
Clinton, Palin To Meet
Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton says she would be happy to talk to Sarah Palin over coffee, Bill's trip to Alaska in 1999.
Enid Blyton's Noddy was banned by the BEEB, then they found out Noddy was GAY!
Enid Blyton's classic, gay Noddy, Big Ears and Mr.Plod were originally banned by the B-B-SEE, only after finding out that they were all Gay did the B-B-See give Enid's classical books a chance!
Shrinkings Bad & Good
Hawaii's famed white sandy beaches are shrinking. On the plus side, so are the lady's swimwear.
"Little Gitmo" In Illinois
Source: Illinois prison eyed for Gitmo inmates. Will triple fences, guard and rename "Capone's Coop".
Told To Talk To Dutch
A dozen gondolas snaked down the Grand Canal on Saturday in a mock funeral procession bemoaning Venice's approach to the dreaded status of living museum. Ask the Watershed Project for help.
Books Returned After 51 Years
High school librarian in Phoenix says a former student returned 2 overdue books checked out 51 years ago along with $1,000 to cover the fines. The books? "Nat. Geo. "Naked Pygmies" Vol I & II".
Iran Condemns US
Iran condemns US mosque seizure! "Where are the radical Islamics to live?"
Free Suu Kyi
Obama tells Myanmar junta to free Suu Kyi. Told that Suu Kyi is in Burma.
Obama Meeting Medvedev
In Asia, Obama, Medvedev see nuclear pact progress, Burley Girly Show.
England 0 Brazil 1 and who gives a F**K
BORING, BORING, BORING, friendly game of handbags at three paces between Capello and Kaka's men! No crossing the chests required, God fell asleep!
Santa comes clean, he's no Paedo just a "common a garden" Trisexual!
Mums and Dads can breath a sigh of relief, Santa is not into kiddies, he just loves them bouncing on his lap, his true loves are Rudolph his Reindeer, his male Dwarfs and pissed mums at Christmas
"So, You Suck Blood, This Is Better Than That!"
Actors filming New Moon fire catering service after the first food order comes in with six epipens, three more needles filled with antibiotics.
Kirstie In New Movie
Kirstie Alley signs to star in new motion picture, "Grills Gone Wild".
Plus, Hard to Find A Phone Booth These Days
According to the Daily Planet, the reason Superman didn't attempt to rescue Balloon Boy was because he went back in time at super speed and realized the whole thing was a pile of horseshit.
Cetainly Not Boring
College tour guide in Texas admits privately at bar that he loves being on campus and that, although it did not pay especially well, there are all those wonderful drugs to repossess.