Hundreds Flee
A report out of Harlan, Kentucky say that hundreds of people have fled the area after a weather-balloon-shaped object mysteriously appeared in the sky last night.
written by Bureau, 06 November 2008
Return Visit To Amazon
In a return visit to the Amazon, scientists were surprised to find that the lost tribe they had discovered three years ago not only have electricity but also a Harrahs Casino.
written by Bureau, 06 November 2008
Taliban Doing Their Share
In a move towards doing their share in the fight against global warming, The Taliban have vowed to use only solar-powered batteries for genital hook-ups.
written by Bureau, 06 November 2008
Jehinslamstianist Sues Micky D
An employee for McDonalds, who claims he is a "Jehinslamstianist", is suing the company for not allowing him to be off work with pay during his 97 annual Holy Days.
written by Bureau, 06 November 2008
Supremes Still Rule
The Supreme Court, still delaying voting on gay marriages, children's rights, legalized marijuana for medication among others, voted 5-4 today that "fancy" be removed from all ordinary ketchup labels.
written by Bureau, 06 November 2008
Compound W Raided
Several Texas Rangers who raided the Compound W Factory last Spring over illegal immigrants are suffering from Horny Toad Syndrome.
written by Bureau, 06 November 2008
FBI arrests new president
Shortly after the election victory new president Obama was arrested by FBI. Officials later said they mistook Obama for Osama. Just a silly spelling mistake & released him promptly.
written by Debasism, 06 November 2008
From Net Nymph Back To Pavement Princess
Craig's List has stated that they will be cracking down on prostitution ads. So it appears that hundreds of street-walkers will be forced to going back to being street-walkers.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 November 2008
Tarzan Would Be So Proud
An African tribe signs a $1.6 billion contract with a platinum mining company. A tribal spokesperson said "And this time they're paying us in 'CA$H' and not in spears, loin cloths, and lip dishes."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 November 2008
Head North From Seattle And Turn Left At The Yukon
Gay couples in California are upset by the California marriage ban. Thousands of Gays and Lesbians from San Francisco and West Hollywood are threatening to move to Alaska and become the majority.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 November 2008
Paloma: A Zebra-Smelling Hurricane?
Soon-to-be Hurricane Paloma has formed in the Gulf of Mexico. When Bush was told that it was off the Nicaraguan coast he replied, "Well lets just hope that Paloma stays way out there in Africa."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 November 2008
Sarah 'The GOP Scapegoat' Palin
When Sarah Palin was asked which animal she was going to shoot first. She replied, "Well for the past two days everyone has been calling me a scapegoat, so I guess I'll hunt me a scapegoat."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 November 2008
Not Bush
John McCain's DNA evidence that he "was not Bush" arrives three days too late.
written by Bureau, 06 November 2008
Pallbearers
Cemetery officials stopped two pallbearers who had been carrying a coffin around Denton Cemetery for over seven hours. Apparently, they'd lost the plot.
written by IainB, 06 November 2008
Tuesday Night's Hardest Job
The hardest job at Republican headquarters Tuesday night was being chosen to awaken John McCain at 11:10 P.M. and tell him he'd lost. "It's Ok", stated McCain, "I had to go to the bathroom anyway."
written by Bureau, 06 November 2008
Dried Mushrooms Could Save Us
A report out this morning says that dried mushrooms could slow global warming, feed all the hungry, stop all wars or,
if consumed, just allow us to not give a shit one way or another.
written by Bureau, 06 November 2008
Sarah Palin - Geography Grade: F-
A Fox News correspondent reported that Sarah Palin thought that Africa was a country instead of a continent. When corrected Palin said, "So what, nobody goes there anyway."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 November 2008
Welcome To The Sometimes Friendly Skies...
An unruly passenger on a flight from Puerto Rico to Chicago was duct-taped to her seat. When asked about this harsh measure the captain replied, "She's just lucky we didn't staple her to her seat."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 November 2008
Stalkers
After a recent crackdown on stalkers of footballers' wives, police said that the WAGs have finally shaken their tails.
written by IainB, 06 November 2008
Comfort Eating
Oprah's size has started to balloon after she started comfort eating. She is now eating two sofas and a beanbag a day.
written by IainB, 06 November 2008
A Pale Horse
A man dressed in flowing robes and riding a pale horse claims to be Jesus the Christ! Begins killing 1/4 of world.
written by JJ Jogolo, 06 November 2008
Hilton Bill
At Paris Hilton's latest celebrity bash she had to pick up a huge bill. "That's the last time I order the pelican roast," she told reporters.
written by IainB, 06 November 2008
Early exit polls reveal that Moose supported Palin in the election.
Said Bullwinkle, "We thought that sending her to Washington would lengthen our lifespans and keep us out of the stew pot."
written by unknown
White House chefs to resign at end of Bush's term
New crew of cooks hired from local KFC to feed President Obama and family.
written by unknown
A few months ago, Reverend Jeremiah Wright became famous for saying "God Damn America" from a Chicago Pulpit.
With the election of church member Barack Obama, it's obvious that he got his wish.
written by unknown
Elija Wood + Viagra = New Spokesperson Wood
ELija Wood becomes the newest spokesperson to represent the Viagra product line. And the new product tag-line Viagra has come up with???, "They don't call me Wood for nothing! "
written by JJ Jogolo, 06 November 2008
