An 83-year-old woman banned from her house for harassing her neighbours can go home, but only under a curfew written in her ASBO. Another 83 year-old woman was given an'Aspro' for a headache.
Mandelson's 'kiss of death'
Lord Mandelson says he "believes in the future" of the Post Office amid reports it will be encouraged to offer more services. This is like giving it last rites before it dies!
A bank robber in Florida was caught leterally red-handed when the bag of money exploded from a small bomb placed in the bag. Police found Tony Fluharty standing, staring at his hand on the sidewalk.
Obama's First Official Act
A close friend says that Barack Obama will begin his presidential acceptance speech in January with "a little number made famous by the late Sammy Davis Jr."
Tall Gal - Short Gal
The Bush's hosted the Obama's at the White House. When Laura Bush first saw Michelle Obama she remarked, "Damn, girl you sure are tall." And Michelle replied, "Damn, girl you sure are short."
It's official, President-elect Barack Obama received 97% of the 'Illegal Alien' vote.
General Motors reports a quarterly loss of $2.5 billion. NASCAR officials are cutting back and downsizing in certain departments. So as of today, the name NASCAR will become nascar.
The Brand New Pyramid
Archaeologists have just discovered a new pyramid near Cairo, Egypt. And although the structure is 4,300 years old, the archaeologists reported that it still had that 'new pyramid' smell.
San Antonio Spurs guard Tony Parker will be out for four weeks due to an ankle sprain. His wife Eva Longoria-Parker kissed it in hopes of making it better. Tony will still be out for four weeks.
Today's Special: Martian Mac and Cheese
The Phoenix Mars Mission is now officially over. The spacecraft will be sold to a Martian restaurant chain and it will be turned into an all-night diner.
The California To Hawaii Swimming Finals
A ballot initiative in Hawaii now makes enforcement of marijuana laws the lowest priority. Meanwhile hundreds of California college students were spotted quickly swimming towards the Hawaian islands.
Queen Elizabeth II is to have her bottom scraped in a two day operation at Southampton before she goes to Dubai.
A Miami, Florida, man has been accused by an 18 year-old siamese twin girl of seeing her sister behind her back.
A new sport has emerged: 'Queen Tossing' a form of rugby practice developed by the walabies. In 1872 when the manoeuvre was first practiced on Queen Victoria - it is said she "Was not amused"
Obama renames America
New Zimbabwe, He said it fits with the economy and future of the Country
written by disciple, 11 November 2008
Nothing Personal But...
President-elect Barack Obama is planning on closing Guantanamo Bay Prison. He said that next on his 'Things To Do List' are closing the highways that go into Phoenix and Wasilla.
Hardcore undecided voter confesses to voting once for each candidate at two different poll sites using two different names and addresses.
Cheney's Hidding Traps
Barack Obama, warned that Cheney's spring-boxing gloves are hid all over the White House, thanked the FBI agent, who later told a reporter that he thought that it would have given the FBI a black eye.
Only Gay Man In Iran May Marry
Only gay man in Iran is seeking governments permission to marry the only gay man in Saudi Arabia. The only gay man in Syria would be best man.
Suspicious Envelope Arrives
Michigan chalk factory closed after suspicious envelope container white powder arrives at company CEO's office.