Timmy Mallet gets into Brian Paddick's Knickers
In 'I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here', Timmy Mallet succeeded in getting into Brian Paddick's Knickers. "I've always wanted to do that!" said a jealous George Takei.
written by IN SEINE, 23 November 2008
Positive Thinking
After completing the first year of my positive thinking course I couldn't decide whether to carry on with it or not, so have given it up.
written by Rusty, 23 November 2008
US Auto Industry Seeks Government Aid
In a letter to Secretary Hank Paulson,GM,Ford and Chrysler have requested a TARP to cover their private jets
written by JAB, 23 November 2008
King of Bhutan to Change his Name
Taking a cue from the recent US presidential campaign, Jigme Kesar Namgyel Wangchuck,King of Bhutan has decreed that his subjects are to call him "Joe"
written by JAB, 23 November 2008
Kim Jong Il Alive and Well
North Korean state run television reports the "Dear Leader" has been practicing daily to represent the country in synchronized swimming for the 2012 summer Olympics in London
written by JAB, 23 November 2008
Hard to believe
Janet Reno and Verne Troyer are to marry and take a short nuptial on Long Island. A spokesman for the long legged legal and the short superstar said, "The long and the short of it, they are in love".
written by Wickham Chase, 23 November 2008
"All You Need Is Love"
After 42 years, the Vatican has forgiven John Lennon of the Beatles for his 1966 'Jesus' remark. Imagine...
written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 November 2008
Vatican forgives John Lennon's Jesus Remark
The Vatican has forgiven John Lennon for his "We're more famous than Jesus Christ" remark. A spokesman assured us that when asked about the Beatles, Jesus replied; "The Beatles? Never heard of them!"
written by IN SEINE, 23 November 2008
Urine Recycling Unit Would "Gag A Maggot"
The astronauts are trying to work out the kinks in the new urine recycling unit. "Right now it tastes like used near-beer", stated one.
written by Bureau, 23 November 2008
Barack's Ears Once Normal
Although he claims she's "Bossy", Barack Obama's mother-in-law will be moving into the White House with the
family. "Before we married, my ears were normal sized", stated the president-elect.
written by Bureau, 23 November 2008
JFK Anniversary Marked
JFK Anniversary marked in Dallas at shooting site. Re-enactment starred Sarah Palin playing the role of Jackie Kennedy and VP Cheney playing Lee Harvey Oswald.
written by Bureau, 23 November 2008
GMC Offers Compromise
General Motors, running out of money, asks congress for a bailout. Would agree to produce smaller, more fuel-efficient cars, but at Hummer prices.
written by Bureau, 23 November 2008
Clinton Offers To Shave Head
Bill Clinton has offered to shave his head and act as Obama White House dog if only Obama would name Hillary new Secretary of State and send her on the road most of the year.
written by Bureau, 23 November 2008
Pirates Blackmail Greenpeace
Somalia pirates are now demanding a one-million dollar ransom from Greenpeace to release over 35 endangered whales.
written by Bureau, 23 November 2008
Screen Actors Guild Goes on Strike:Actors Plead for Obama Bailout to Maintain Lifestyle!
Seeking payback for their hysterical support, a horde of dysfunctional actors pleaded for a massive cash bailout to cover their expenses during the strike. Citing "Mental Health" , "O" grants $75B.
written by unknown
Obama's First Mandate to Joe the Plumber: Waterless Urinals for White House!
Responding to new African-American cabinet members and staffers who complained that the water in conventional urinals was "too deep, and too cold", Obama ordered the Al Gore approved Green version
written by unknown
VAT to be cut in 'Rescue Package'.
The UK's Labour government has cut VAT by 2.5% as part of an emergency package aimed at kick-starting the economy, ignoring the fact the country is so far up shit creek it needs bigger paddles.
written by Rusty, 23 November 2008
Peter Pan & The Somali Pirates
Peter Pan has advised the U.N. that the only way to chase away the Somali pirates is to stock the Indian Ocean with tons of ticking crocodiles.
written by PP Rega, 23 November 2008
Nickelback singer attacked by duck
Chad Kroeger, the lead singer of Nickelback, has reported to police that he was beaten up by a duck. The duck has refused to comment.
written by MonkeyInTheBath, 23 November 2008
