Michael Jackson's Idol Miss D.R.
Michael Jackson has finally converted to the Islamic faith. His manager said that Mr. Jackson's new name will be Mikaeel Muhammad Abdul Diana Ross, but that he'll be called Diana for short.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 22 November 2008
Lewinsky Still Puffing
Monica Lewinsky says that the hardest part of the Clinton affair hasn't been the continued publicity, but her 8-year addiction to puffing on cigars.
written by Bureau, 22 November 2008
Oprah Giveaways Down
Still another sign of a bad economy: Friday on Oprah, each member of the television crowd received a free ticket stub to her show.
written by Bureau, 22 November 2008
Reaching across the aisle
Advert reads: "Joy Behar on Sarah Palin" - - Now we're talkin', that's the bi-partisan across the aisle kind of stuff I'd like to see.
written by Wickham Chase, 22 November 2008
Understandable
Harrison Ford left an apothecary in San Francisco's Chinatown with a bag of antlers. He had gone three blocks before realizing his mistake and returned for Ally Mcbeal.
written by Wickham Chase, 22 November 2008
What a way to go
A bedroom dirty laundry pile has collapsed smothering a local boy in his sleep. Sergeant Tide said, "It seems the family dog, a pug, pulled a sock from the bottom of the heap and the weight shifted".
written by Wickham Chase, 22 November 2008
Off putting
The annual meeting of the National Procrastinators Society has been postponed again. They now plan to meet in '09, perhaps.
written by Wickham Chase, 22 November 2008
Muted response
This just in from a spokesman at the International Mime Convention, " ". He went on, " ". They meet every year in a huge invisible box.
written by Wickham Chase, 22 November 2008
George Michael Didn't Have Sex in a Public Toilet Last Night
London- George Michael did not have sex in a public toilet last night. Said Mr. Michaels "I just kind of stayed in and watched some stuff on the History Channel about World War II".
written by Paul Edwards, 22 November 2008
New Car Tech
New auto technoloy knows when to tighten seat belts, sound warning that you're too close to another vehicle, can park sideways- everything but get someone to purchase it.
written by Bureau, 22 November 2008
McCain Having Whopee
John McCain and Barack Obama have finally sat down to talk to each other other than at a debate. McCain
stated, "Whoops! haha. Whoopee cushion-got me there, Obama" but got up and couldn't find one.
written by Bureau, 22 November 2008
Homeles Man Charged
Homeless man in California ordered to pay $101 million dollars for statrting last week's California fires asks warrent-server for a dollar for a cup of coffee.
written by Bureau, 22 November 2008
Stalling
According to a new poll, Americans aren't concerned about the Big Three auto bailout stalling in congress. "Their products have been stalling on us for years" seems to be the concensus.
written by Bureau, 22 November 2008
They Could Be Back
Hula Hoop, Pet Rock, Manufacturers of TV Pong Games, Mood Ring, Pac Man, Coonskin Cap manufacturers all in Washington asking the U.S. government for a bailout.
written by Bureau, 22 November 2008
Unemployed Santas
Parents everywhere are steering their youngsters away from long unemployment lines of Santas after the closing of over a thousand stores already, across the nation.
written by Bureau, 22 November 2008
Bring it on
John McCain, in an announcement today, said he plans to run again in 2012, as DeWayne LeShaun Jackson. Lateisha Ashanti Palin tapped as running mate.
written by Wickham Chase, 22 November 2008
Up all night
Local insomniac complains, "A diabetic leg gets more sleep than I do".
written by Wickham Chase, 22 November 2008
The Samaritans Suicide hotline will be closed down between Christmas and New Year.
Troubled individuals are advised to call early or leave a message. They will get back to you if it's not too late.
written by Wickham Chase, 22 November 2008
Rashid Rauf is Toast
US air strike in Pakistan snuffs Rashid Rauf the alleged masterminded of the liquid bombs plot to blow up planes by mixing everyday household chemicals in the airliner's on-board laboratory
written by Rusty, 22 November 2008
Nick of The Flying Wallendas
Nick Wallenda, seventh generation member of the Flying Wallendas set a world high-wire record by riding a bicycle 135 feet in the air. The amazing thing was when he stopped to fix the flat tire.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 22 November 2008
Joe The Plumber For President
Joe the Plumber has announced that a group of his supporters want him to run for president in 2012. Their slogan: "We Shall Overplumb!"
written by Bureau, 22 November 2008
Hare Now
A more radical southern group has split with the Hare Krishna faith over two major differences. The new group has changed into overalls and are wearing mullets.
written by Bureau, 22 November 2008
White House B-Ball
Barack Obama is considering putting a basketball court in one of the bigger rooms in the White House, most likely the one Dick Cheney now uses for skeet shooting.
written by Bureau, 22 November 2008
Number of Plasma Banks Up
A new nationwide study completed yesterday reveals that both college tuition and the number of plasma banks near college campuses are up 30 percent.
written by Bureau, 22 November 2008
Lost Tribe
Anthropologists searching the Rain Forest in Brazil were amazed yesterday when they discovered a lost tribe that spoke mostly Yiddish.
written by Bureau, 22 November 2008
Manure-Produced Explosion
A methane gas plant that converts manure to usuable methane gas has exploded in Cloverport, Tennessee leaving 20 dead and another 62 trying their best to die.
written by Bureau, 22 November 2008
All men are created equal
All men are created equal, except of course for the blacks and the Irish.
written by Mahavishnu BBZ, 22 November 2008
Bush Will Be Joining The Ranks of The Unemployed
President Bush has agreed to sign a bill that will extend the jobless benefits for the unemployed. Well, how about that. It will sure come in handy for him, Dicky Cheney, and Condi Rice.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 22 November 2008
The World's Sexiest Woman
Lingerie model Karolina Kurkova has been voted the world's sexiest woman. Runner-up Angelina Jolie remarked, "Big deal, I have way more tattoos than she does."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 22 November 2008
