Bin Laden Flashes The West
The CIA has received a copy of the latest bin Laden video showing the al-Qaeda leader doing the Macarena and flashing his ass. "He's just messing with our minds", stated one General.
written by Bureau, 18 November 2008
Amy Winehouse Craps a Live Octopus
Toxic environment of Winehouse's body apparently allowed creature to regenerate itself from bits and pieces of calimari she ate last week.
written by Mr. Staypuf, 18 November 2008
Important People Named
People Magazine says people are important when the public name things after them, like the JFK Airport, John Wayne Airport, Reagan Airport, The Larry Craig Airport Bathroom Stall, second on the right.
written by Bureau, 18 November 2008
One-Legged Man Contacts Ghost Limb
A Boston spiritualist has helped a one-legged man contact his ghost limb. "We had a good conversation", stated Marine Major Len Arnold. "I'd ask a question and it'd stomp once for Yes, twice for No."
written by Bureau, 18 November 2008
Hillary Blames NRA
Hillary Clinton is blaming her primary defeat on the NRA and the fact they took her on a three-day "snipe hunt". "While Obama was raising 100-million dollars, I was left holding the bag."
written by Bureau, 18 November 2008
Computer virus hits hospitals
A computer virus has hit 3 London hospitals. A spokesperson for St. Bartholomews said "There is absolutely NO reason to panic as the infection is NOT transferable to humans."
written by IN SEINE, 18 November 2008
Been there, done that!
Britain's oldest man, Henry Allingham, 112, thought he had joined the Boy scouts 100 years ago. So to make extra sure, he was invested into the 6th Brighton pack. Not exacxtly a boy is he?
written by IN SEINE, 18 November 2008
India Gives up on Russian Sub Lease, Rents Somali Pirates!
Frustrated with efforts to lease a faulty Russian Sub, India announced its 10 year lease of Somali Pirates. It immediately grants them OPEC status, #3 rank in Naval Power,and Disney Pirate Flick.
written by unknown
Joe the Plumber Delivers First Report of White House Leaks to Obama!
Joe reported what everyone already knew...pissy comments leaked to press always seem to emanate from the office of House Speaker Pelosi. Obama tells Emanuel to dump her for "reckless incontinence."
written by unknown
Biden Upset with Michelle's New Rules for White House Visits!
Aides said the tongue tied VP was livid when told by aides he had to "use the servants entrance' when he visits. Michelle said it was new policy for all whites and Republicans and not just "for HIM."
written by unknown
First Family Picks Pit Bulls! Hire Pardoned Michael Vick as Care Giver!
Michelle and the Kids have finally decided! Its a pack of Pit Bulls! Recently pardoned dog lover Michael Vick will be in charge! Said the first lady, "shit man, this is DC...it's f****dangerous here!"
written by unknown
Somalia Joins World's Oil Cartel, Pledges $.50 Gas!
After capturing its 35th million barrel oil tanker, Somalia was admitted to the elite OPEC Alliance. Somalia recently sponsored elections won by write in candiate Obama and were promptly OK'd by UN.
written by unknown
UK Announces New Home Detention Methods for Perverts AND JB!
UK courts adopt remote controlled 5-point locking doors to insure repeat sexual predators "can't get out, or off!" Well known boffer "JB" sez,"they really F**** work. I can't abuse anyone but myself!"
written by unknown
Oops! NASA Errs in Global Warming Statistics: Blames "Hot Shit" Gore!
In a shocking admission, one of the world's global warming monitors admitted a chilling mistake: The World is Not So Hot! Spokesman said they relied on rectal thermometer reading sent in by Al Gore.
written by unknown
Rahm Emanuel and Jesse Jackson Come to Accord: Chicago Now New "Hymietown!"
In a rare peace offering the anti-Semitic Jackson dropped his offensive designation for NYC, offers it to home city of Israeli-American Chief of Staff. Aides say Rahm was "f*****g ecstatic ."
written by unknown
44 Year Old Stripper Protests Firing: Claims Age Descrimination!
A Barrister representing a Dubai-Clinton Syndicate of Stripper Bars blamed the "layoff" on current events: "Times are tough enough, our customers don't want to be reminded of the sagging economy"
written by unknown
Sacha Baron Cohen's Next Assignment - Hey Bruno Got Balls?
Sacha Baron Cohen (alias Bruno) has disrupted a fashion show, a proposition 8 rally, and the NBC TV show 'Medium.' Okay big guy. Your next assignment...go disrupt a KKK meeting!
written by Abel Rodriguez, 18 November 2008
Michael Phelps New Book
Michael Phelps, the many metaled Olympic Swimming Champion, has released a new book about his experiences in the 2008 Olympics. It's mostly pictures. Mostly Women's Vollyball close-ups. #1 Bestseller.
written by Bureau, 18 November 2008
Cavern in danger of collapse
The Cavern in Liverpool, once a regular haunt of the Beatles, is in danger of collapse because Gary Glitter's brick has been removed.
written by IN SEINE, 18 November 2008
AARP Nixes Kermit The Frog
Fifty-Year-Old Kermit The Frog has been turned down as a representative for the AARP. "He simply reminded too many people of how close they are to croaking", stated a spokesman for the group.
written by Bureau, 18 November 2008
Energy By T. Boone
T. Boone Pickens showed up at a National Alternative Energy meeting yesterday wearing a pinwheel beanie that totally powered his lit-up bowtie.
written by Bureau, 18 November 2008
Obama Tricks Medvedev
President Demitry Medvedev of Russia disappeared suddenly this morning when President-elect Barack Obama tricked him into saying his name backwards.
written by Bureau, 18 November 2008
History Repeats Itself
On Friday, November 14th in 1972, the Dow Jones hit 1,000 for the first time. Thirty-six years later, the Dow Jones is just about to hit it for the second time.
written by Bureau, 18 November 2008
Obama Choses Another One
President-elect Barack Obama has chosen still another member of the Clinton administration for the new White House. This morning a shaved Socks The Cat made his return trip.
written by Bureau, 18 November 2008
Fireworks at Miriam Makeba's funeral
Fans lit Chinese crackers at the funeral of South African singer Miriam Makeba. They said she wanted to be buried to the sound of "Pata, pata."
written by DavyC, 18 November 2008
Hackers pull Miley Cyrus story
Hackers today voluntarily agreed to pull the "Miley Cyrus is dead" hoax off the Internet. Miley's father wanting to sing "Achy Breaky heart" is a likely reason for this unprecedented action.
written by DavyC, 18 November 2008
How To Get Ahead In Telecommunications
Ed Chooma of Melanomacom said there is no danger from mobile phones at all, they are perfectly safe and pose no threat, and my other head completely agrees with me on this one.
written by Fuctifino, 18 November 2008
Sarah Palin's $7 Million Book Deal
Sarah Palin is close to signing a $7 million book deal. She told her husband, "Todd, can you imagine how many snowmobiles, Diet Dr. Peppers, moose bullets, and baby diapers we can buy."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 18 November 2008
