God Still Unaware U.S. General Election Took Place
Reached for comment about the recent American presidential election, God, the chief deity and First Cause of the universe, said, "Yeah, that's great. Where was this?"
written by Steve Shives, 10 November 2008
Mormons Getting Cocky After Passing of Prop. 8
"What's next, banning interracial marriage? Legalizing polygamy? Getting people to stop making fun of our underwear? My head swims with possibilities," said a giddy LDS Church President Thomas Monson.
written by Steve Shives, 10 November 2008
Bush to Obama: "The Beer Chair is coming with me"
Meeting today with the president-elect, President Bush made it clear to Barack Obama that the Oval Office Beer Chair, with its electric cooler build right into the arm, is returning to Texas with him.
written by Steve Shives, 10 November 2008
Obama thanks Seal, Heidi Klum for "vital" support
"If you two foreigners hadn't threatened to leave the United States," Barack Obama said, "John McCain would be our president-elect today..."
written by Robin Berger, 10 November 2008
Fifth stage added for Obama's inaugural ball
The added stage will feature groups that agreed to reunite only if Obama were elected, "Steppenwolf, Heart, and Aerosmith all agreed to reunite at the inauguration," a spokeswoman revealed...
written by Robin Berger, 10 November 2008
Blyth through to round two
Blyth Spartans' Shaun Reay grabbed a brace to knock Shrewsbury out of the FA cup. Reay said: "I still remember what my last manager told me. Fries only stay in the fat for 3 minutes."
written by IainB, 10 November 2008
Honey, Have You Seen My Lucky Shoe Box?
A Goodwill store worker found $7,500 in a shoe box. The store manager said that the owner can claim the money by visiting the Goodwill home office which is located on the planet Jupiter.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 10 November 2008
Ancient Piercings
Israeli archeologists have just found a 2,000 year old earring. They also found a tongue stud, but it was only 1,300 years old.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 10 November 2008
Okay, Now Who's Got The Chopsticks?
An ancient Chinese cave has provided historical clues dating back to the Ming Dynasty. Searchers found items such as stalagmites, minerals, stones, chemicals, and a Yao Ming basketball card.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 10 November 2008
Bush's Oval Office
Bush told Obama that he will give him a glimpse of the Oval Office...two hours later a FedEx truck delivered Obama a manilla envelope with three 8 by 10 photos of the Oval Office.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 10 November 2008
Presdent Bush showing signs of dementia, Laura heartbroken:
Aides caught Bush walking through the White House with his Flight Suit on and helmet at his side. He was yelling: "Mission accomplished, Mission accomplished" Aides steared him to his bedroom.
written by Leslie Mintz , 10 November 2008
Dwarfs Cut By Disney
Economic problems are now hitting both Disney World and Disneyland. Goofy's hours cut, Three of Seven Dwarfs no longer singing "Hi HO!"
written by Bureau, 10 November 2008
No Diaper Rash
Iran's President Mohmoud Ahmadinejad claims there are no babies with diaper rash, no teenagers with pimples in Iran
written by Bureau, 10 November 2008
Fidel's Surprise
Saddam Hussein, Yaser Arafat, Adolf Hitler pay surprise visit to Cuba's Fidel Castro during the night.
written by Bureau, 10 November 2008
Skinhead Trophies
Old Liberal found dead in remote maine cabin with fourteen skinheads proudly displayed on his trophy wall.
written by Bureau, 10 November 2008
Obama Family Pilgramage
Although Barack Obama and his family aren't Muslim, they say they will be making their own pilgramage every year to visit and gaze upon the Oprah.
written by Bureau, 10 November 2008
Charles Manson Update
Guards at Corcoran Prison say that a completely different voice has been coming from Charles Manson's cell since last Friday. "And it sounds really pissed."
written by Bureau, 10 November 2008
Living With Three Dead Siblings
Police in Evanston, Illinois say a 90-year-old woman there was living with three dead siblings. "I wondered why George didn't respond to my Three Spade Bid", stated Mrs. Guenther.
written by Bureau, 10 November 2008
Bush/Obama Meeting
President Bush says he is looking forward to meeting Barack Obama this week. "Yes, I'm doing my best to make it a smooth translation", stated the President.
written by Bureau, 10 November 2008
Obama Thanking Helpers
Those close to President-Elect Barack Obama say he spent all of last Wednesday contacting those most-instrumental in getting him elected, begining with President Bush.
written by Bureau, 10 November 2008
Porkers Encouraged
According to British scientists human transplant organs from pigs are only 3-5 years away. Porkers with heart problems were encouraged to try to hang in there for another 36 months or so.
written by Bureau, 10 November 2008
Reporter Doing His Bit
Last Friday, it was reported that a reporter was bitten by the White House dog, Barney. Apparently the guy worked for MSNBC.
written by Bureau, 10 November 2008
Bush So Lame...Not Duck...But Ass!
President Bush has proven to be so lame that the characterization of Lame Duck has been changed to Lame Ass by an unanimous vote of the Congress and 78% of the American people!Jackasses Protested!
written by Pointer, 10 November 2008
Presdent Bush in deep Depression:
Dubya, has canceled all prayer breakfasts in the White House. Dubya, found drunk,nude,and in Oval Office eating Krispy Cream donuts,by Laura. Aides told
to stay on alert.
written by Leslie Mintz , 10 November 2008
