Auckland. (Spoof International News) A Norway rat, released on a deserted island off of New Zealand, spent over four months eluding 4 biologists, two of whom are American proponents of ‘Intelligent Design'.
Scientists from the University of Auckland, along with their American colleagues, had released the rat on the small island of Motherorpapa, in order to study why rats are so hard to catch there.
Invading rats on remote New Zealand islands have caused recurring problems for the last 25 years.
"Science is all about observation, and repeatability," said Dr. Myron "Kerry" Snowball, a biologist from South Carolina's Bill Jones University. "It's not about prejudice, pre-conceived notions, pre-suppositions, wild guesses, speculations, or extrapolations. That's important. When I heard from my colleague in Auckland that they intended to study rats on a deserted island, I knew immediately that Dr. (Bob) Laub and I had to join in this important work."
Before releasing the rat, the group of four scientists outfitted it with a small radio transmitter collar, as well as a flashing LED collar. Its fur was dyed with an agent that made it glow in the dark. "In addition to all that it smelled really bad," said Dr. Laub.
Soon after the rat was released, operations were begun to track it down and capture it, by the use of dogs, baits and traps. Weeks turned in to months, yet the science team remained unsuccessful.
"We thought we were going to get it fairly early on-every night for a week the radio transmissions emanated from the north end of the island. But it fooled us-the next day, it didn't show up. The next day we fooled it-we no show up," said Snowball.
The game ended when the radio transmitter collar was found on an adjacent island located about 400 meters to the east of Motherorpapa island. "It's obvious that the rat swam across to the neighboring island, gnawed off the collar and left it to fool us," said Laub. "And this proves my supposition that the brain of the rat must be the product of intelligent design," said Snowball. "The fact that this rat swam across the channel indicates that it was able to stand on its rear legs, and identified what it saw as another island. That it was able to swim across and make it to the other island indicates that it understands the notion of the tides, and therefore it knows the position of the moon. By extrapolation I would assert that it understands the basic tenets of astronomy as well.
"I refuse to believe that the mind of a rat, as complicated as we have seen it is, is the product of millions of years of evolution. No; the hand of God, the designer, is truly patent in this case."
