Black pudding is new super-food!

Funny story written by Matt Maus

Thursday, 21 April 2011

image for Black pudding is new super-food!
One of the many new ways Black Pudding will be marketed

The centuries-old breakfast favourite, Black Pudding, has been rated as a super-food by leading top nutritionists at the Didcott Food and Drink Research Laboratories.

A report reveals that black pudding has now joined the ranks of super-healthy foodstuffs such as purple carrots, macaroons and seaweed - all believed to help you live longer, enjoy improved memory, and live longer.

The report concluded, "We need to change our thinking regarding black pudding. No longer should it solely sit amidst the sausages, bacon and eggs on the breakfast plates of the nation. Nor should it solely sit between a scallop and blob of pea purée as a starter on the menu of the country's most pretentious restaurants. It should be eaten up to at least four times per day per person per week, if not more. The recommended 12 ounce portion will contribute one and a half towards your daily five."

Manufacturers of black pudding have welcomed the report, saying that they had thought something like that all along. They have already started developing ways to increase consumer take-up of black pudding. These include grating it, pickling it, dry-curing it, fermenting it, and making it into tea, ice cream and sorbets. It will also be available in tablet form, and as skin cream.

To help promote sales an advertising campaign will be launched. Under the headline, "Eat Black Pudding - it's Bloody Lovely!", it will feature various sportspersons proclaiming black pudding to be their favourite pre-event snack in the whole wide world.

Didcott's Chief Nutritionist, Elizabeth Fadd (47) said, "Black pudding's effect on human people is quite remarkable. God knows what's in it, but . . . "

Here a colleague, Colin Crayze (34), interjaculated, correcting her with a sort of snivelling snigger, "Well actually God doesn't know what's in black pudding. I read that somewhere."

Watch out for our FREE 28 page full colour pull-out section next week. Called, 'Black Pudding', it will feature black pudding recipes, black pudding articles, black pudding facts and trivia; and a special family oriented selection of black pudding-themed games and puzzles for all the family. Plus an exclusive exposé of celebrities' most embarrassing black pudding moments. Order your copy at your newsagents now!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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