China Hijacks Internet; Maxi Pads Sent to 8.5 Million Households

Funny story written by P.M. Wortham

Thursday, 18 November 2010

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Another box delivered

In another bold move to demonstrate the mastery of Internet resources, China hackers had successfully infiltrated several direct to consumer pharmacy websites and generated over 8 million orders for Kotex Maxi Pads for delivery across the United States.

National Cyber Defense spokesman, Manny Slongenstiff says, "We are tracking no less that 100 simultaneous order generating servers within mainland China, still pumping out orders for all sorts of pharmaceutical products. It's a bloody mess". Truer words were never spoken given the first set of orders to be delivered, but U.S. officials don't yet know how to lock out this type of internet traffic.

"We advise all Americans to simply refuse these orders should they arrive at the door", says Slongenstiff. Early reports from the field suggest that at least 25% of women welcomed the Maxi Pad delivery, that percentage equating mathematically the approximate number of women who might have needed the product that week. Reports are also starting to come in from at least 27 states that indicate the attempted delivery of Viagra prescriptions. None of those deliveries were refused.

Slongenstiff suggested that the government's top engineers are looking at an approach where all traffic from China is simply targeted and halted, much like China did for Google searches that attempted to look at content outside of China's borders. "Hey, this internet blockage thing goes both ways". And so may Slongenstiff given his recent delivery and non-refusal of a long and sleek personal massager with warming lubricant. Officials are not sure if China was trying to tell America's top Cyber Defense spokesman to "stick it", but the juxtaposition suggests the answer might be "yes".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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